Tuesday, January 05, 2010

A Late Christmas Letter





You know those TMI (too much information) letters you get at Christmas from people you hardly know and they tell you all about their wows and woes, including info about their great uncle Shelton and his arthritic dog? Yeah, well, I decided to write one of those to all you out there in my blog world. So hang on to your hat, because here it comes.

Dear friend, family, or unfortunate soul who ended up on my card list. Even if you don’t know me, I’m positive you are still going to be delighted to hear my personal news.

A Big Fat Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the Craig Household.

2009 has been a crazy year. We lost Aunt Velma. My heart still breaks when I think about it. Luckily, we found her in Wal-Mart. Still don’t know how she got there. The good news is she still had her clothes on. My dad had a few more health problems and his doctors scheduled a colonoscopy. Of course, the worse part of the test is all the prep work you have to do. (Though I hear the test itself isn’t a joy ride.) You know, drinking that yucky stuff, and then living on the pot for a day and half. Sadly, daddy got his test dates wrong and did all the prep work on a different day. However, I’m relieved to tell you that his test results came back great. Doc said he had the cleanest colon he’d ever seen.

My mom recovered from the break of both her ankles, but then she cracked a rib getting the clothes out of the washing machine. I know it’s hard to believe this could happen, but it did. She had one car accident (nothing is broken—but the car) and is considering getting her eyebrows tattooed on . . . again. My son went to Alabama for the month of November, came back home with one of those massaging, Lazy Boy chairs, a gift from his granddad. Over the holidays, son caught the can’t-run-fast-enough explosive stomach bug. Believe me when I say the chair will never be the same.

All our four cats are doing well, hairball count is down for the year and that’s something worth celebrating. Son’s rat, that is now about the size of a small possum, is still alive and kicking. The pet store so lied when they told him the life expectancy. Floppy Skivvies, the rabbit, only slightly larger than the rat, is still with us. He expects an apple and some broccoli daily and enjoys terrorizing the cats.

I accomplished a lot in 2009. Completed three books, lost ten pounds, found ten pounds, and became a grandma. Lily Dale is gorgeous and smart as a whip. She can say Grandma, Santa, Mama, Dada, and No. She also has decided to forego crawling and do what my daughter calls the Western “I’m-shot” Crawl. You know in the old western movies when a cowboy has been shot and manages to drag himself behind a tree so he won’t get shot again. Well, she’s a champion dragger.

With a Jan. 4th deadline on my first Young Adult, and revisions on my June 2010 book hitting smack dab in the middle of trying to get the book done, December was a trying month. I worked sixteen hours a day for a few weeks, forgot there was a holiday, gave up cooking, bathing was optional, housecleaning was out the window. I felt guilty about not cooking. Thank goodness the Big Chief in the sky decided to remove all traces of guilt. He killed my stove top. Hence, I couldn’t cook even if I’d wanted to.

Hubby got what he thought was a good inspiration. You know how his inspirations usually go, right? (Basically whatever he thinks is a clever idea, I think of as a brain fart.) Well, he bought me a new stove top on the 24th, put a big red bow on it and said Merry Christmas. Seriously, he did this!

I told hubby that I honestly thought the Big Chief had axed the stove top as a personal favor to me. And if “someone” didn’t get his bottom back to the Merry Friggin’ Mall and do some more Christmas shopping, the Big Chief and me were gonna have another talk about other things he could ax.

Anyway, you should see the gold and diamond necklace I got for Christmas. I also got socks, sweats, and a frying pan. (Yup, a frying pan!) But I let that one slide because hubby also got my three book covers from my Divorced & Desperate Series framed so I can hang them in my office. Now, that was a thoughtful gift and it makes him a keeper.

My sister-in-law decided to get clever this year, and she gave both hubby and me a snuggie. I have decided that the Surgeon General should be warned about this gift. Or at least, there needs to be warnings on the label.

1) Do not attempt to cook while wearing a snuggie, not even on a new stove top!

2) Do not attempt to have sex while wearing a snuggie—certain positions can lead to strangulation.

3) Do not attempt to walk while wearing a snuggie—hitting face first on wood floors is painful and hazardous to one’s nose—this is especially important for the vertically-challenged snuggie wearer. Hint: One size does not fit all!


Okay, so there you have it. My TMI Christmas letter to all my friends, family and other victims on my email list

How did your Holidays go? Come on, let’s share a bit or even too much.

CC

35 comments:

Refhater said...

It all started out with my getting food poisoning at my work's Christmas potluck. Both parent's had surgery (Mom twice) and required alot of extra attention, AKA, "Put my socks on my feet." and "Where's my donut pillow?"

My sister's dog peed all throughout the house. Brother's toy fox terrier (more rat than dog) had just had her "surgery" and was a total drama queen. And since I'm super allergic to dogs, I ended up with hives and a sinus infection from hell.

Grandma with dementia tried to run away from the man from the garage (aka Grandpa.) 2 year old niece fell and split open her cheek which looks fab in all the pictures. There was a blizzard with freezing rain. But, on the bright side, I got a snuggie too. Dang those suckers are warm.

New Years was a little quieter. I begged off two parties and spent the evening watching a hockey game and then sleeping for 12 hours straight.

Happy New Year to you and yours. May 2010 be a good year for you.

Christie Craig said...

Refhater,

I love it. Sounds like your Christmas was eventful!!

Hope everyone has recovered.

Happy New Year.

CC

Michelle said...

It was a good year, met someone special, moved into a new home and quit my second job.

But the drama of moving caused some problems. My mother loves my dog, and insisted that she get joint custody. Therefore he now goes over to her house 3 times a week and spends the night. So far he seems okay, i'm not though. The crazy lady with the pomeranian cussing me out at 6:30 am was such fun, that I ran the other way when we saw her that night.

This Christmas was spent in my new home and was great except for....we got stuck in a snowdrift and had to be pulled out, which took 40 minutes. After being pulled out, we found out that my boyfriend had spewed up mud while spinning the tires, and got it all over his sister. Needless to say she wasn't very happy, but we were since the car was free and we went on our merry way.

Oh and i'm back at the second job, but it's only temporary as they decided to go out of business.

Hope your 2010 is awesome and i'm loving the book.

sylviadickeysmithbooks said...

Exhausting, stressful, and spent way too much money! Another resolution to add to my list for next year.

MsHellion said...

Christmas was good. I didn't overcook anything; and the three of us ate like it was Thanksgiving (where I overcooked everything.)

NYE is Dad's birthday (he's 88 now); and we all showed up with Dad's favorite foods, trying to impress him and win Top Child Award in getting him his favorite things. I think he was amused.

And I'm super glad I didn't have Ref's Christmas. Egads! *LOL* Sorry, Ref! And poor, poor Grandma (and Grandpa).

jbrayweber said...

Another great time, Christie. You always make me laugh. Thanks!

Wendy Roberts said...

Thanks for starting my day off with a laugh!

red said...

Nepheew had to leave Christmas Eve dinner to get his hand stitched. He decided to cut apart a lincoln log house, he had previously hotglued together. He has been to the ER at least once every 3 months this past year to have something stitched. The boy can't leave pocket knives alone. By the way he's the same one that tried to drink out of the power sprayer two years ago. He was blessed that it was turned off. There wasn't enough pressure to kill him, just cut his tongue. Teenagers!(sigh). Told my sister that God gave him to her because no one else would have the nerves to handle him.

Christmas was great, Hubby had to work the two days before Christmas; he was the only one in the department to get Chrsitmas off. Our children enjoyed their presents. I want to tie Santa up and shot him with our son's automatic Nerf gun. I don't know what was going through his mind when he brought it. Rat-a-tat-tat all day long. When will those batteries die?!
Had a blow out on the truck on the way home from the in-laws.
Hubby had to work on New Year's Eve. Nothing funny happened, just visited with friends and had my hair pulled several times by a whirling dervish disguised as a two yr old.

TerriOsburn said...

The snuggie stuff is killing me. LOL! I hate those things and rant about them being the worst invention ever (right after the stair master) so when my kiddo got one for Christmas over at her dad's, she didn't bring it home for fear I'd burn it. LOL! One less thing to wash!

Outside of "got my degree" and "hung with Christie during Nationals", 2009 was uneventful. But I have all kinds of events planned for 2010. Fingers crossed I have more to report next year!

To Mr. Craig - Kudos on the covers, dude.

Christie Craig said...

Michele,

Your poor sister, but I'm glad you guys got out. Congrats on finding someone!

Happy New Year!

CC

Christie Craig said...

Silviadickeysmithbooks,

I know exactly what you mean!!! However, I don't think I spent quite as much as regular, because I didn't have enough time to shop.

Thanks for stopping in. Good luck on those resolutions!!

CC

Christie Craig said...

MsHellion,

Sounds like you did okay this year. But did you win the Top Child award?

And yeah, Ref's Christmas was quite an adventure. God love Grandma!!

Happy New Year!!

CC

Christie Craig said...

Jbrayweber,

Thanks girl. We all need some laughs!!

CC

Christie Craig said...

Hi Wendy,

Keep on laughing. We should all make that our New Year resolution, laugh more!!!

Happy New Year!

CC

Christie Craig said...

Red,

That nephew sounds like my brothers. They went to the hospital all the time. My daughter had a two year run at emergency room visits, but thank God she outgrew it.

I personally think there might be a market for guaranteed soon-to-die batteries around Christmas. Some of those toys can drive an adult to drink.

Have a great New Year!!

CC

Christie Craig said...

Terri,

First...CONGRATS on that degree!!! You go girl.

We did have fun at Nationals. Are you going to Nashville? I'll be there.

Those Snuggie's are funny things!!!

And yup, hubby did good on that gift!

CC

Emmanuelle said...

Thanks for the good lough. My abs are aching a bit but it was worth it ;-)

TerriOsburn said...

As of right now, I plan to be there. And I plan to pitch. Bring lots of those airsickness bags.

Stacey Joy Netzel said...

Great post, and I had the pleasure of reading a letter like that (but nowhere near as funny!) at my in-laws. Glad we're off the mailing list by now. :)

MsHellion said...

No, I didn't win the Top Child Award. My sister is the one who managed to locate an angel food cake (I though every bleeding grocer carried the things!) and bring it. I only brought Apple Turnovers and steak.

Refhater said...

You guys would have loved the emotional blackmail invite/Christmas cards mom sent all of us kids. They read along the lines of "Merry Christmas! We hope to see you at the family Christmas. Your Grandma is getting older and this might be her last one..."

Grandma with dementia is doing ok. She has her good days and bad days. But, she's happy living in the world that she remembers. Back when she was in her mid 20's. We got her a medic alert bracelet for Christmas in case she wanders away again with only a hair brush, a hair curler, a picture of my uncle when he was little (he's in his 50's now) and a hot dog in her purse.

Re-reading my original post makes it sound like my holiday was a disaster. Sadly, that much chaos is normal for my family. Our motto is "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." And by the grace of God, we're getting really strong. Even with all the bad stuff that happened, we all had a good time.

Donna Marie Rogers said...

Christie, what a great Christmas letter. If the letters I received were as fun as yours, I wouldn't mind reading them...LOL

The weekend before Christmas my husband's brother and his two older kids came for a couple of days; his youngest daughter was sick, so she and mom stayed home. It was nice; we ate lots of good food, played poker, the guys and kids played Wii.

Then we headed to Illinois on Christmas Day to visit my family for a couple of days. Always a crazy time, but fun. More poker (*g*), spent time with my baby brother, mom & grandpa, my nieces and great-niece, ate more yummy food (had lunch one day at a great Italian restaurant called Pappa Joe's). Overall, it was a nice Christmas. :-)

Christie Craig said...

Emmanuella,

You are so welcome. I hope you had a great Holiday.

CC

Christie Craig said...

Terri,

I'll bring the bags and I'll even hold your hand. It's not near a hard as you think.

CC

Christie Craig said...

Stacey,

I think it's so funny when I get them. And after I read all the person info, I turn to my hubby and ask, 'Do you know this person?'

Thanks for stopping in.

Hope you had a great holiday.

CC

Christie Craig said...

Mshellion,

You mean angel cake beats steak and apple turnovers? Oh, dear, I'd voted for you.

CC

Christie Craig said...

Refhater,

I love your family. It sounds a lot like my own. Seriously, crazy stuff happens, and we have to learn to laugh at it and not let it get us down.

Have a great New Year. And hug all those family members tight. We can laugh at 'em, but we love em.

CC

Christie Craig said...

Donna,

Sounds like you had a great holiday. Oh, another thing we have in common. My family are gamblers. Serious, love to put their money were their mouths are, gamblers.

Hope you have a great New Year!!!

How's that book coming?

CC

Terri Molina said...

OMG Christie, you can always make me laugh!!

She also has decided to forego crawling and do what my daughter calls the Western “I’m-shot” Crawl.
I LOVE this!!

Our holidays were pretty uneventful. My oldest lives in Houston now so I spent most of the holiday worried if he was having a good time. Now I just have to worry if he's going to find a new job before he loses his car. (don't ask!)

Hope your 2010 is as fun as your 2009! See ya in June! ;-)

{{hugs}}

EmilyBryan said...

Hysterical, as always, Christie!

Christie Craig said...

Hi Terri,

Thanks for stopping by. So when you get down to Houston, give me a jingle. Hope you have a great New Year!!

CC

Christie Craig said...

Hi Emily!

It's always so nice to see your smiling face.

CC

Anonymous said...

Hilarious, Christi!!

Tessy

Sandy said...

Oh, Christie, this may be one of your funniest posts yet. I laughed my &*$# off.

No way, I'm competing with your Christmas. lol

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