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Calamity Jayne Mysteries:
HOW DOES A BLONDE SPELL “FARM”?
Tressa Jayne Turner has had it up to here with the never ending string of dumb-blonde jokes and her longtime nickname that’s harder to get rid of than lint from a belly button. Crowned “Calamity Jayne” by Iowa Department of Natural Resources officer, Rick Townsend, Tressa’s out to gain a little hometown respect -- or die trying. Unfortunately for Tressa, that may be the case. She’s been handed the perfect opportunity to get “Ranger Rick,” the doubting Don Juan of the DNR, and a skeptical citizenry to finally take her seriously. How? By solving a murder no one else believes happened. No one, that is, except the killer.
Yup, Calamity Jayne is in it up to her hot pink snakeskin cowgirl boots and matching rhinestone belt--and it’s a matter of life and death, respect and reputation, love, happiness, and the whole shebang. Tressa would tell you her momma never raised no dummies, but the jury’s still out on that one. And as she has learned in her work at the Dairee Freeze: Sometimes life hands you a big, sloppy ice cream cone. You just have to know how to lick it.
Calamity Jayne Rides Again
WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE IN A FREEZER?
A FROSTED FLAKE
Tressa Jayne Turner is back in the saddle again. After playing hide and seek with a disappearing corpse--and cat and mouse with a killer--Tressa is more than ready for a nice, calm ten-day stint at the Iowa State Fair hawking her Uncle Frank’s ice cream confections and enjoying the eclectic fair fare. So what’s stopping her?
The mischief makers targeting her Uncle’s businesses
A wimpy cousin falsely accused
The Rangoon-wrapping Li twins who’ve seen too many ‘gangsta’ movies
The Cheatin-Hearts Detective Agency operated by two senior sleuths
A blonde-joke spouting psycho clown
And a hunky ranger who may just have the hots for her gorgeous kid sister
And that’s just for starters…
This ‘Calamity’ carnival caper promises to be one heckuva wild ride!
Ghouls Just Want to Have Fun
WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE SKELETON IN THE CLOSET?
LAST YEAR'S HIDE -'N'- SEEK CHAMP
It’s autumn in the Heartland, when football rules and Homecoming royalty reigns—and full moons don’t just mean a passing high school varsity bus. But this year, Tressa Jayne Turner isn’t enjoying the frivolity of the season. Our intrepid 23-year-old reporter is trying to recover from ten days at the State Fair. After being stalked by a psycho dunk-tank clown, all she wants is a slower pace, some candy corn and toffee apples—and a serious story she can sniff out on her own.
She’s in luck! Eccentric and reclusive bestselling writer Elizabeth Courtney Howard is coming to little ol’ Grandville. So, what’s stopping Tressa from getting the dope—besides a blackmailing six-foot-two-inch high school homecoming queen candidate with all the charm of Frankenstein in taffeta, a rival reporter out to scoop the competition, and the sexy park ranger who’s kept Tressa’s knickers in a knot since the fourth grade? Only the fact that the skeletons to uncover are all in a closet in Haunted Holloway Hall—a house only Norman Bates could love.
It looks like a mother of a story.
Calamity Jayne Goes to College
WHAT DOES A BLONDE GET ON AN INTELLIGENCE TEST?
Ace cub reporter Tressa Jayne Turner is carrying a full load--and we’re not just talking post-holiday pounds here. Tressa’s dropped back into college and she’s looking to nab a raise from her stingy boss, Stan, in exchange for post-secondary success. So, what’s to stop her from making the grade--besides the old ‘dog ate the homework’ story, that is?
A wrinkled roommate rekindling an old flame
Maid of honor madness run amok
A botched betrothal that’s more than just schoolyard gossip
One man who likes her for herself and another who wants to save her from herself
And a campus criminal out to teach the student body a lesson--one crime at a time
It’s a case of murder and mayhem by the books...
and failure is like so not an option.
Calamity Jayne Heads West
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE COYOTE?
IT GOT STUCK IN A TRAP, CHEWED OFF THREE LEGS AND WAS STILL STUCK
Tressa Jayne Turner, Grandville Iowa’s own little “Calamity”, is headed for the Grand Canyon State--and a wedding! No, not her own. She hasn’t said yes to the roguish Ranger Rick yet, but after the past years, some downtime in a sweat lodge is just what the shaman ordered.
Unfortunately, it’s her goofy granny getting’ hitched, and Tressa’s sunny little siesta is about to have more strings attached than a dream catcher. Her cousin’s keeping secrets, Rick’s sending signals-- more of the smokin’ than smoke variety--and it seems Tressa’s not the only person with an attachment to “Kookaumunga”, the butt-ugly fertility figurine she picked up at a roadside stand as a wedding gift. The wacky wedding’s about to become a southwestern scavenger hunt, an amazing race cum Da Vinci Code-intrigue, featuring a washed-up actress out to kick-start her career, a suspect spiritual advisor, locals with a cause, and a ten-year-old who’s a chip off a certain ranger’s blockhead. It’ll be a vision quest to make Thelma and Louise’s southwestern spree seem like amateur night at the OK Corral. May the best spirit guide win.
WHAT'S A BLONDE PIRATE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR, EVEN THOUGH IT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER?
Ahoy, mateys! With her grandma wedded and bedded (eeow!) Tressa Jayne Turner is looking forward to the weeklong cruise that follows. Good food. Warm beaches. Romantic sunsets. A swashbuckling ranger-type, Rick Townsend, who shivers her timbers. Nothing can take the wind out of Tressa’s sails this time.
Nothing except this Love Boat’s the Titanic. For one thing, it’s a lo-cal “biggest loser” cruise. For another, Tressa’s bad-boy faux fiancé and his marriage-minded aunt are stowaways, and Tressa’s barely got her sea legs before a dastardly murder plot bobs to the surface. It’s a foul wind that’s blowin’--and not from the exercise-obsessed passengers. Add one whale of a Bermuda love triangle, and Tressa knows just how Captain Jack Sparrow feels when the run is gone. Yo ho ho and a bottle of V-8!
Fiancé at Her Fingertips
Who are you seeing?
Debra Daniels thinks she’s found the answer to the age-old question women have been plagued with ever since Eve first said “Why not?” when Adam asked her on a stroll through the Garden. In need of a break from her matchmaking mother and a score of hellish blind dates, to her the do-it-yourself boyfriend-in-a-box kit is a gift from Above. Fiance at Your Fingertips: Touted as the single woman’s best defense against pitying looks and speculative stares, it comes with everything the single-and-slightly-desperate woman needs to convince friends, family and coworkers that she has indeed found Mr. Right. And “Lawyer Logan” is definitely that. Tall, handsome… and fictitious. Debra is going to have an absolute blast with her faux beau—until he shows up on her doorstep, acting as if he has every right to be there, and in her arms. That’ll be the start of a romance truly outside of the box, and where the real fun begins.