Wednesday, October 01, 2008

The World According To Jack

Jack (my son, for those who have not yet participated in the yak-tipping/goldfish-impersonating initiation you must undergo in order to read this blog) turned 8 this summer. Apparently, this is the age where your children start to say things that force you to do the cartoon double-take. Or maybe it's just my kid. Here is a sampling of Jack-isms from the just this past month;

Jack (not happy with something I asked him to do): Mom, you'd better be nice to me.

Me (not happy that he's questioning my omnipotent authority): Why's that?

Jack: Because someday, I'm gonna be a 5-star general and then your Commander-in-Chief...just like Dwight David Eisenhower.

Me (wondering if Jack has been secretly watching Mad Men): I still win. Even the President has to answer to his mother. Now clean your room.

This one happened two days later:

Jack: (sobbing on the sofa in the middle of the afternoon): Mom, I'm really sad.

Me: You're 8. It's a beautiful day and you have no homework. What do you have to be sad about?

Jack (still crying): Because I want to get married someday and I also want to be the Pope and I can't do both.

Me: Um... Go out and play. (I know, I won't win any motherhood wisdom awards for this one.)

Here's my favorite. It happened a couple of days later, while I was watching the presidential debate:

Jack: (Appearing beside me suddenly and completely naked from his shower) I'm gonna vote for McCain.

Me: You can't vote. (Thinking about this for a second) Wait, Why McCain?

Jack: (shaking his head as if I'm retarded) Because if he wins, there will still be an Iraq war when I'm old enough to go and fight.

Me (yelling as Jack dances naked out of the room): I liked it better when you wanted to be the Pope!

I don't know. Maybe he's going through a growth spurt or eating WAY too many Sour Skittles lately. What do you think?

The Assassin


Jenyfer Matthews said...

Maybe it's a boy thing - my almost-six-year-old periodically gets all stressed out because he doesn't yet know who he's going to marry and how will he find her?? No explanation I provide is quite good enough!

Leslie Langtry said...

Whu do they do that? I never worried about anything when I was a kid! It's the best part of being a kid!!!

Suzan Harden said...

Hmmm, I don't think it's just Jack. My eight-yr-old has come up with some doozies.

Mike: Mom, sometimes I think everything we think is real is really just a dream.

Me: Uh, that's a pretty advanced concept. What makes you think that?

Mike (shrugs): Why else would everything taste like chicken?

Or we used to play math games while in the car, but challenging him at the age of 5 could be, well, difficult.

Me: What's the square root of 9?

Mike: What's a square root?

Me: What number times iteself equals 9.

Mike: 3 *pause* But Mom, I don't think I'm supposed to know that yet.

Leslie, I'm so looking forward to reading Stand By Your Hitman. The local bookstore FINALLY got power back Sunday!

Kim Castillo said...

oh boy. Well, I think its because Jack is your son. LMAO. That kid does some serious deep thinking.

Terri Osburn said...

It's girls too. Except my 9 yr old seems focused on the male of the species.

Recently she decided Walmart should have an aisle where single women (like me) can go and pick out a man. You have to be 20 to enter the aisle and the men will all be in jeans, cowboy hats and no shirts.

Then last week she decided you should be able to order men through the mail. (Can you tell she wants a baby brother or sister?)

Two nights ago she asked if I have names for my *girls*. When I said no, she named them Lucy and Rhonda. I'm frightened of the teen years.

Gemma Halliday said...

Les, my little guy is 8, too, and I think you're right, something happens at that age! Anytime I would complain about a bad date, his answer: "Have you tried match dot com yet? It's Dr. Phil approved."


Keri Ford said...

I'm not winning mom awards either. I'm potty training. And I'm using the reward system. With M&M's.

But hey, my boy will be 18 months next week and he likes tee-tee'ing in the potty! 3 little M&M's per potty trip is a lot cheaper than diapers.

Leslie Langtry said...

Suzan, I think your son is onto something there regarding reality. Although in my imaginary world, everything tastes like filet mignon.

Terrio, Lucy & Rhonda - I think you should contact Wal-Mart with your daughter's ideas. I think they are viable.

Gemma - so true. 8-year old boys are from another planet.

And Keri, you go girl. Hell, filet mignon is cheaper than diapers!

Kim Castillo said...

OMG, you guys are cracking me up. Just wait. Y'all ain't seen nuthin yet. Wait till they hit 16. We're at 17 1/2 right now and I'm pretty sure there will be casualties.

Estella said...

It has to be a boy thing.

catslady said...

Thanks for the laughs - my girls are grown now so I don't get to hear those bits of wisdom anymore lol.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I just peed my pants. That Jack is something else. HILARIOUS!!!