Friday, October 24, 2008

Dating can be Murder

Since starting this blog and posting about my own dating disasters, I’ve gotten notes from a few readers telling me that they’ve been inspired to start dating again themselves. Not sure how. I mean, did they not hear the part where my date turned out to be a pirate?! Or hiding bodies in his closet?! But, considering I sort of feel partly responsible now for whatever shape their love lives may take, I thought I’d repost a few of my tips for making it out of the singles scene alive.

1. The Set-Up
We all have well-meaning friends who fancy themselves master matchmakers. My advice - avoid them at all costs! Let’s face it, if this “great guy” your single friend is setting you up with really is so great, she’d be dating him herself. And if a married friend tries to set you up, take a close look at her husband. If he’s Brad Pitt, I might trust her judgment. Otherwise, take a pass. It just leads to that awkward post-date discussion where you have to tell your friend that, as attractive as the portly bald look is on her husband, you’re just not sure it’s really your type.

2. The Alibi
Always have an alibi to get you out of a sticky first date situation. Me, I have a system with my best friend, Suze. If a date is heading south, I excuse myself for the ladies’ room and text Suze with a “911”. I then go back to my date and wait for Suze’s call three minutes later saying, “The house is on fire. Get home now!” Voila, date over! And a lot easier than trying to climb out the bathroom window.

3. The Accomplice
It’s always less pressure to go on a double date, especially early on in a relationship. So, invite a single friend to come along with you on your next date, and tell your Mr. Wonderful to do the same. It’s a great way to set a more casual mood, and, as an added bonus, you get to meet one of his friends! You can learn a lot about a man by interrogating his acquaintances when he steps out of the room.

4. The Body
Let’s face it, chemistry is important. Lots of dating services now have extensive personality tests to match you with your perfect like-minded mate. But if there’s no physical “wow” between you, all the compatibility in the world isn’t going to make a difference. While every relationship progresses differently, if fireworks don’t shoot through the sky the first time you get up close and personal with Mr. Wonderful, chances are you’re better off as just friends. Trust me, every girl deserves “wow”.

5. The Evidence
Whatever you do, don’t let the rosy glow of new relationship cloud your judgment when it comes to the hard facts about your new man. “Between jobs” means “unemployed”. “My car is in the shop” means he takes the bus. And that “older roommate” he lives with? Yeah, it’s his mom. If the evidence points to “loser”, don’t be fooled by his charming smile and smooth lines. Run. Run for your life, and don’t look back!

While not every relationship is destined for a happily-ever-after ending (as I well know!), sometimes the thrill is in the investigation as you and Mr. Wonderful get to know each other. And who knows, if you’re lucky enough, you just might end up with a perfect partner in crime after all!

So, any other dating tips to add, ladies?

~Trigger Happy Halliday

P.S. Don’t forget to enter our Halloween Costume Contest! (see the right sidebar for details!) And check back here on Oct 31st to vote for your favorite costume.


Lucy said...

As I read "4. The Body" I thought you were going to say something like don't go out with guys who keep bodies in their closet. :)

I would add to that to pay attention to how he treats the wait staff because he's being nice to you to impress you but if he's not nice to the wait staff, he's really not a nice guy.

Oh, and you inspired me to get back out there but it was more because your stories made dating sound like an adventure - and who doesn't want adventure in their life? :)

Terri Osburn said...

I'm one you converted to trying the dating thing again. And it worked out sort of, though not as I imagined.

My advice is two fold. Watch how he is with kids and watch how he is with money. I guess this is more for the single mom of a certain age (like me!), but these two things are uber-important to long term happiness.

If he ever expects you to pick him over your kids or spends money like it's going out of style, head for the exits.

Gemma Halliday said...

Lol, Lucy! Yes, never go out with guys who keep bodies in their closets! That should be number 6. :)

And, I agree, dating is definitely an adventure. At least, I think it's more fun wen you approach I that way.


Gemma Halliday said...

Terrio - I totally agree! Isn't it something like 90% of all fights couples have are over money? How he deals with is is a big deal. Ditto on the kids. I'm kind of seeing what a big issue that can be myself at the moment. :/


Christie Craig said...


Great post, girl.

And I'm thrilled that you have encouraged a few our reader to try their hands at love again.

Dating is risky, but it's worth the risk because when you find Mr. Right, it's so right.


Minna said...

I would add animals to the list. If he says he's had a lot of pets, well, it is not necessarily a good sign.