Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Recent Lessons Learned at the Craig House




I’m a firm believer in learning our lessons. I mean, if we don’t learn from our mistakes, then what’s the use in our making them, right? And yes, some lessons are those we have to repeat over and over before the light bulb comes on and we reach the amazingly intelligent conclusion of, “Duh.”

Okay, so I admit it, we at the Craig house have experienced our share of “duh” moments. Below are a few lessons we at the Craig house have learned over the years.



Hubby: Do not microwave a toothbrush. Yes, it sounds reasonable that to stick it in a cup of water and set the time on one minute might be sure to kill the germs and therefore save you from the $1.99 of having to purchase a new one every three weeks, but it doesn’t work.

Me: When hubby says he’ll fix something, insist he doesn’t. (Remember carpet cleaning and plumbing episodes. Remember tooth brush!)

Son: Do not microwave a whole egg. Yes, I know you want to prove mama wrong when I say you can’t do that, but when the egg explodes coating the microwave with scrambled egg, you’re going to be sorry.

Me: Never attempt to move a feline that is about to release a hairball. Believe it or not, there are worse places for a hairball to land other than where you thought it might end up.

Son: To clean a cell phone you DO NOT run it through the washing machine. To dry a cell phone, DO NOT run it through the dryer. In other words, check your dad-burn jeans before doing laundry!

Me: When son says, smell this, and has funny look on his face, don’t do it. When son says, taste this and has a green appearance in skin tone, don’t do it.

Son: Puking is not a team sport. Yes, when you were small, mama always held your head and kept a damp cloth to your brow during these times of needs. At eighteen, and with a man-size stomach, you are lucky if mom tosses a wet rag at you and says I hope everything comes out all right.

Son: Just because it’s in the refrigerator doesn’t mean it’s still edible. P.S. Refer to lesson above for reference.

Hubby: Never start whining about losing your glasses until after you check the top of your head.

Me: When bad odors are suddenly emitted into the air while in the car, don’t assume the obvious and think it will eventually fade, instead ask son if he just took off his shoes.

Me: Never attempt to wax my own eyebrows. (No explanation needed.)

Me: Always pay close attention to how you spell the word “public.” To remove the “l” from the word can change the entire meaning of a sentence. Especially if said sentence is being posted online where the world can read about it.

Son: Never ask your mom to cut your hair when she’s mad at you. (No explanation needed.)

Me: Never loan cell phone to son who doesn’t check pockets before washing.

Me: Never ask your aunt, who hasn’t said the word sex, thought about sex, or had sex in twenty years, what she thought of your romance novel.

Hubby: Never ever, under any circumstances, ask your wife what happened to her eyebrows.



Okay…so there you have it. Some of the life lessons we have learned at the Craig house. What about you guys? Any lessons you could share? Come on, I shared.

Crime Scene Christie

22 comments:

Faye Hughes said...

Christie,

These were laugh-out-loud funny, girl! Great post!

Faye

terrio said...

These are great. And some I've picked up on as well.

Me: Do not take a drink of the hot chocolate the moment you buy it. (I learn this lesson AGAIN everytime I buy hot chocolate.)

Daughter: Never try to relieve the tension with humor when mommy is PMSing. (The poor thing is still learning.)

Suzan Harden said...

Suzan: If Christie or Faye start a sentence with "Wouldn't it be cool if...", go hide in your hotel room. Even better - book a room in a different hotel.

Christie Craig said...

Faye,

Thanks.

I should have added a few Faye lessons?

CC

Christie Craig said...

Terrio,

Yes, the hot chocolate lesson is one I keep learning, too.

Thanks for stopping in.

CC

Christie Craig said...

Suzan,

Oh come on! You know you love it. And I swear, we've never gotten you arrested. And close dosn't count.

CC

Faye Hughes said...

Yeah, what Christie said, Suzan!

Jenyfer Matthews said...

You know, most of mine are cooking related:

Always use a kitchen timer when trying to multi-task: things boil down quicker than you'd think.

Burning rice really smells bad...

Simmering a pan with tomato sauce is a great way to get off burned on black gook...

Anonymous said...

For the future, expand the cell phone washing/drying lesson to include all handheld electronic devices including but not limited to: PDA, IPod/MP3, GPS, GameBoy, etc. I would much rather find washed and dried money than spend said money replacing the electronics.

Thanks for sharing! They are lessons we've all learned...the hard way. Otherwise known as things your mother never told you.

~TerryS

Tessy said...

Great post, Christi,

hubby: Never decide to fix all the toilet in the house at one time!

me: Go to friend's house when hubby begins to talk about fixing toilets in the house.

Gemma Halliday said...

Lol! Those were great! Love the eyebrows one. *snork*

Robin said...

Never sweep or vacuum when you've got a parrot on your shoulder. Especially one with a big beak.

Keri Ford said...

me: baking soda is NEVER a subsitute for flour. It doesn't matter how much they look alike (I was young)

and on that subject:

me: never assume anything that's NOT labeled is what you think it is. chances are, it's probably not and you'll get salty cookies.

Christie Craig said...

Faye,

I think Suzan needs to room with us next time. That way we can get legal advice around the clock.

CC

Christie Craig said...

Jenyfer,

Oh boy, howdy, do I ever know the lesson of multi-tasking and cooking. And let me tell you, burnt potatoes still taste burnt even when you don't use the ones scorched on the bottom.

CC

Christie Craig said...

TerryS,

LOL. I guess I'm lucky my son just seems to wash and dry cell phones, huh?

I swear, making him do his own laundry is saving me time, but costing me a fortune.

CC

Christie Craig said...

Tessy,

Love your lessons. I'll have to write that one down so I don't have to "learn" it myself.


Thanks for stopping in.

CC

Christie Craig said...

Gemma,

I have discovered to leave waxing to the professionals.

I have one friend who tried it and let's just say it wasn't her eyebrows. Too funny.

CC

Christie Craig said...

Robin,

I'd like to have seen that lesson being learned. Too funny.

Thanks for posting.

CC

Christie Craig said...

Keri,

LOL. When I lived in Venezuela, I baked some cookies. It didn't occur to me while cooking that the big "S" on the canister stood for salt and not sugar, which is asucar.

So I have some experience with your lessons, too.

Thanks for stopping in.

CC

catslady said...

I can attest to the waxing other parts of your body comment - oh wasn't funny at all!!!

Christie Craig said...

Catslady,

LOL! It's crazy what we do to be beautiful.

Thanks for posting.

CC