Things You Could Die Without Seeing

Before I went to work at my current job, I was CFO for a real estate development corporation that specialized in senior housing. One of our facilities was a really nice independent living facility in a suburb of Dallas and I tried to visit the properties at least once a month. Well at this one property was a particular resident who just wasn't very nice. She complained constantly...about everything. There was simply no making her happy - not by the staff, the other residents, or her family. So to say she was unpleasant to be around was a bit of an understatement.

Now this woman had only partial use of her legs so to make things easier she had one of those motorized wheelchairs, and if you haven't seen one of those things, let me tell you they pack a little bit of horsepower. So I was visiting one day and the chef came out to tell me the story about this lady's mishap the week before, since I had been personally subjected to one of her bitching sessions in a previous visit. The facility director, Mary Lou, and admin joined in the convo and told me this priceless story.

Every morning the woman took a "stroll" around the front of the building. This involved driving her wheelchair around the circular drive and admiring the landscaping (which was quite fabulous). So this particular morning she was wearing one of those long t-shirt dresses and apparently the end of the dress got caught in one of the wheels on her wheelchair. Now, I have no idea how to explain the physics of this situation, but apparently rather than grinding to a halt, the chair just ripped the dress clean off her body in one slick movement. For those of you who might not be aware, older ladies tend to go bra-less. Thank God they always wear underwear!

So she starts hauling ass back for the entry-way with her wheelchair wearing far more clothing than she is, but there's a truck blocking the drive. So she cuts across the flower bed, hits a sprinkler head, and gets stuck. The sprinkler head breaks and sends off a gusher of water.

Now in the meantime, the leasing agent is doing a tour with a family trying to find a place for their mother and picks that time to walk out the front entrance to show them the landscaping...complete with an old naked woman stuck in a wheelchair under Old Faithful. By this time, some of the staff has noticed the situation and rushes outside to push the woman inside while another comes running with a blanket to cover her.

The woman starts yelling about the truck parked in the driveway (it belonged to a gentleman helping his father move) and saying that she's going to sue. About that time the truck guy comes into the lobby and seeing a bunch of people hovering around a woman in a wheelchair asks if there's something wrong and if there's anything he can do. Mary Lou hustles him out the door before the lady can figure out he owns the truck.

So they finish the story and I am literally laid across the table laughing so hard I'm crying and I look over at the chef (who she's criticized at every single meal since she moved in and was one of the people in the lobby at the time) and I say "how in the world did you handle it? I would have been on the floor dying." And he replies, "Mary Lou had to send me home for the rest of the day."

Priceless. Oh, and by the way - the leasing agent STILL managed to close that deal...naked lady landscaping and all.

Deadly DeLeon