Tuesday, February 03, 2009

The Catch & Release Program

Hey guys,

Tomorrow, I’ll be guest blogging over at TJ Bennett’s place.
http://tjbsopinion.blogspot.com/

And I’ll be blogging about … “What a woman really wants.” So make sure you pop over and learn what some hot looking bad boy, named Calvin, taught me about romance. TJ is also giving away a fabulous Valentine’s Day giveaway of a Romance Roundup Gift Basket of autographed books. So pop over to check out the contest. See ya there!

CC



I think I’ve told ya’ll that my inability to avoid the weird/downright bizarre situations is hereditary. Seriously, crap just happens to me and my family. My mom really did lose her teeth on Continental Airlines, and I swear she accidentally stole a car. And the bomb story about my dad is true, I swear it! I don’t know why, but these things happen to us. Like the time I came within an inch of being arrested for being an illegal alien while crossing the border from New Mexico to Texas--never mind I’m blond and green-eyed. Or the time I got caught holding a bag of weed by the police. I was innocent on both counts.

But this blog isn’t about me. Nope. Today, I’m gonna share a story about my son. Poor guy. Of course, I think the duck is really the one I should be offering my sympathies to.

You have to know that my son is an animal lover. I can’t even begin to tell you the number of injured animals we’ve taken in. Today, I have a rabbit because someone at my son's employment was going to make stew out of the domesticated, but stray hare who had mistaken the plant store as an all you can eat buffet. When my son worked at the feed store he brought home a pet chicken that someone dropped off. He wasn’t about to let Ramon take it home because it would have been de-feathered and deep fried. So we found the pet chicken a home at a private school that boarded farm animals—thank God neighborhood regulations refused to let us keep it, or I would have a chicken keeping the rabbit company.

Kittens, dogs, turtles, birds, and then there was the caged raccoon that he bought home in my husband’s car. Have you ever smelled caged raccoon? That stench doesn’t go away for a long, long time. But this story isn’t about him bringing home the raccoon or that stench.

A couple of weeks ago, my son went fishing. He bought himself some worms and went to a local pond. Sitting on the banks, a group of ducks came up. One duck that my son named Ol’ Frank was especially friendly. Now according to my son, Ol’ Frank was . . . well . . . old. He sort of looked gray around the bill area. Son took a liking to Frank and no doubt about it, Frank took a liking to my son’s worms.

Every few minutes my son would toss the ol’ guy a worm. Then after something snagged my son’s bait, he pulled his reel out and baited his hook. Before he could pick up the pole and toss it back in, Ol’ Frank spotted the worm.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

Frank was hooked, running away, dragging my son’s pole behind him. Son felt terrible. He grabbed his pocket knife, chased down the duck and pole and cut the line. He tried to convince himself that the duck would be okay, but poor Frank had started running around in circles, quacking to the duck gods, with a hook in his mouth.

Remembering that the duck was old and could die if he stopped eating, Son manned up. He knew he had to get the hook out.

He chased the duck, in circles, finally caught the very upset, unhappy fowl with a fishing wire hanging from its mouth and brought him back to his tool box. Now, Frank wasn’t too keen on being picked up. He started quacking up a storm, flapping his wings to hell and back and feathers were flying everywhere. Son sat down on the grass, locked the pissed off bird between his legs, and tried to figure out how he was gonna get the job done.

Of course, it wasn’t as easy as telling the poor bird to open wide. Son finally gets the duck’s month open, saw the hook had gone completely through the poor duck’s tongue. To say Frank is unhappy is an understatement. Son was trying to be gentle, trying not to cause a scene, but that’s hard not to do when you have a squawking duck locked between your legs, your hand in his mouth, and the feathers are raining down all around you. Son was sure if Frank had been talking English, there would have been a bunch of four letter words involved but who could blame him?

Then son heard something behind him, he hoped someone stumbled by to help, but nope. We Craigs are never that lucky. Instead, the entire duck population had come to Frank’s rescue. Yup, standing behind my son was at least a dozen of Frank’s homies. Fearing being flogged by a bunch of ducks, Son took out his wire cutters and got busy. The pack of ducks were holding guard, as if debating whether or not to attack. Son claimed it was sort of like one of those westerns where they tell the doctor if the patient dies, they’ll do him in.

Finally, the hook was removed and Frank was released. Of course, son claims the darn bird wasn’t a bit appreciative. Son packed up his fishing pole, tossed Frank all the leftover worms, and came home. Once he arrived, he asked the question. “Why does weird crap always happen to us?”

I sighed and told him he should be happy he doesn’t have false teeth. And if he ever does, don’t ever get on a plane.

So there you have it. My son’s fishing trip gone bad.

Anything happening around your neck of the woods? Do you think I could add this to a book? Speaking of books, have you read any good ones lately? I need some recommendations; life around here has been too crazy.

30 comments:

Lucy said...

All my reading lately has been for classes. However, since one of my literature classes is Comedy, I've been enjoying the 'texts'. :)

Just finished Changing Places by David Lodge. It was written in 1975 I think but it's about 1969. There's something about reading a book that was a contemporary story when it was written that I'm finding fascinating. Anyway, it's about two English professors that change job - one's from the US and one's from Europe. The book makes fun of society, academia and writing. I totally loved it! I can't wait to get to class on Wednesday to see what the instructor has to say about. :)

Michelle said...

Oh Christie, your poor son! I can't imagine being flogged or nearly flogged by ducks. Speaking of ducks, I had a cousin who had a pet duck when we were growing up. I have no idea where the duck came from, just know it was there one day. It was an indoors duck too, it went outside during the day in the pond but came in at night and stayed in the back room with the dogs,lol.

Goes to show dogs aren't always friends with you. As for books, I read "Wishful Drinking" by Carrie Fisher. If you like funny nonfiction, then read this. Some of her stories about her dad are too funny.

Other than that, nothing much....though I could use that toilet bowl cleaner, as we're getting some snow up here. :D

Linda C said...

Funny, funny story. I can just see your son trying to hold down the duck while getting the hook out of its bill.

Discovered a couple authors with great books. Blaize Clement, writes about a pet sitter in Florida who stumbles upon murders, Victoria Dahl "Talk Me Down" and a Jo-Ann Powers "Missing Member" (a Texan, BTW).

Linda

Christie Craig said...

Lucy,

Wow. That sounds like a great class and a fabulous book.

I'll have to see if I can't snag a copy.

Thanks for the recommendation.

CC

Christie Craig said...

Michelle,

Please don't tell me son about the pet duck. He'll go pick up Frank and have him sleeping in the cat room.

And hey...Wishful Drinking sounds great, too. My hubby is a big non-fiction guy, too.

Thanks for stopping in.

CC

Christie Craig said...

Linda,

Wow, I'm gonna have to make a list of these books. Oh, I know Jo-Ann Powers, she's great.

Thanks for stopping in.

CC

Keri Ford said...

I'll be picking up Monica McCarty's new release Highland Warrior I hope this weekend!

If you can't tell by the title, it's about one of those melt your body's by only looking Scottish Highlanders. le swoon

Keena Kincaid said...
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Keena Kincaid said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Keena Kincaid said...

Wow...so the old saying, "it's like being nibbled to death by ducks" could have a basis in reality. Great story, and kudos to your son for getting himself and Old Frank out alive. :-)

Keena

p.s. I think the gift of storytelling runs in the family, too.

Christie Craig said...

Keri,

"Melt your Body" I like that definition. We all need some melt your body reads!


Thanks for stopping in, girl!

CC

Christie Craig said...

Kenna,

Oh yeah, son loves to tell his stories. He also loves to read his stories. I sat him down a few days ago to read my blog post and he was laughing himself silly. Then he started saying..."Hey, you need to tell them about the turtle, too!"

Thanks so much for stopping by.

CC

Judi Fennell said...

oh, good lord, Christie! This is just so funny and sad at the same time. That poor duck... and the posse behind him! I'm picturing them with holsters and stetsons - maybe a cigarillo or two hanging out the side of their bills...

Your son has a good heart.

Christie Craig said...

Hi Judi!

He does have a good heart. And yup, his description of those ducks looking like characters in a old western, created a visual for me, too.

Thanks so much for dropping in.

CC

Kim Lenox said...

Christie,

What a sweet boy, to go through all that!

And I can believe it about all the ducks ganging up on him! Ducks can be crazy! One time I took my daughter and her friend to feed the ducks at the local city park. Our outing ended with me yelling, "Everyone run for the car!" I think they wanted to eat US.

Kim Lenox said...

Oh! And bookwise, I'd recommend Cindy Miles' MACGOWAN'S GHOST, which I've read and loved.

Today, I'll be picking up RAVENOUS by Sharon Ashwood.

Last night I finished SEDUCE ME AT SUNRISE by Lisa Kleypas. She always does a super job, and didn't disappoint on that book either!

Edie said...

Christie, this was too funny. The perils of duck feeding. Your son sounds like a sweetheart.

If you like women's fiction, I loved Kissing Games of the World by Sandi Kahn Shelton.

Christie Craig said...

Kim,

Sweet? I don't think the duck would have described him as sweet. But you're right, he's got a good heart.

Ducks can be demanding and scary at times. Not as bad as geese, but close.

Ohh, I love your book suggestions, too. I recommend Night Falls Darkly by Kim Lenox...have you heard of her? And I'm halfway through, Kiss of A Dark Moon by Sharie Kohler now. Great reads.

I'm also finishing off my Rita contest entries. Can't talk about those.

CC

Christie Craig said...

Edie,

"Perils of Duck Feedings" would have been a great title for the piece. LOL!

Hey...huge congrats on your being an American Title Finalists!!! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you big time!

And I do like women's fiction. I'll check it out.

Thanks for stopping in.

CC

Suzan Harden said...

Only the Craigs. . .

Good books? Sherrilyn Kenyon's Dream Warrior. And well, there's Susie Bright's Best of American Erotica. Oh wait, I let someone who's initials are C.C. borrow it in 2007 and haven't seen it since.

Christie Craig said...

Suzan,

Wow! Nothing like being called a book thief on your own blog! LOL.

Okay...would someone remind me to get Suzan's books back to her.

Thanks a mil girl for popping in.

CC

terrio said...

I don't know why these things happen to your family, but I sure am happy you share them. LOL!

Right now I'm reading The Wild Sight by Loucinda McGary. Very good Romantic Suspense set in Northern Ireland. I also have this book about being Desperate and Dating or something like that. LOL! I'm getting to it!

Christie Craig said...

Terrio,

What is it about us enjoying the trails of everyone else's life? LOL. But hey...I'm there with you.

Hmm...The Wild Sight sounds interesting as does that Divorced and Dating book. Hmm...?

Thanks girl.

CC

Kristi said...

That sounds like something right out of one of your books. I laughed out loud at your poor son. Sorry. lol

I just finished The Art Of Racing In The Rain by Garth Stein. It was a wonderful book. Funny, sweet and hearthbreaking all at the same time.

Christie Craig said...

Kristi,

If you think you laughed, you should have seen me when my son was telling me what happened. And when I made him read my blog, he was laughing even harder than I was and he said..."Mom, I can still see that duck running in cicles."

I love the title of Stein's book. Sounds fabulous.

Thanks for posting.

CC

Colleen Thompson said...

ROFL, Christie, although the story hits a bit close to home, after my armadillo incident last week.

Christie Craig said...

Oh, no Colleen,

Your armadilla story beats the duck story hands down.

Thanks for stopping in.

CC

Rhonda said...

I seriously think you should do a non-fiction humor book of your family's stories. You seem to have enough of them to fill one. Better yet, you're an excellent story teller in person. Maybe you should do an album...I mean CD...I mean MP3...oh, whatever people are listening to this year!

Christie Craig said...

Rhonda,

Thanks girl! I do love gossiping about my family.

Thanks for popping in.

CC

Jenyfer Matthews said...

You beat me to it - I was going to say he was lucky it wasn't geese!

What a sweet kid. Next time he wants to feed ducks, tell him to stick to bread or crackers :)