Tickle Me Elmo

First of all, Vegas was fabulous! Mr. Big and I had a great time – even won money on the superbowl! (Though, I’ll admit, I was mostly in it for the funny commercials.) The first night we visited Fremont Street, which is the old, historic part of Vegas where the original casinos used to be. (In my mind, there are lots of mobster bodies still buried in the foundations.) It was the coolest! The original ‘60’s décor of the old casinos (not to mention original 60’s cigarette smoke still permeating the walls) was so cheese-ball retro awesome, and the huge screen they have over the entire canopy of Fremont street was lit up with music videos that made the entire crowd stop and stare at the sky. Very sci-fi freaky. The next day, we must have walked the full strip at least three times (being molested by guys handing out hookers' cards every three feet. Seriously, they were relentless. I guess something about me just screamed “I’m looking for a cheap blonde for the evening.”) and stopped at every casino along the way. We checked out the Eiffel tower at the Paris, the gardens at Caesars, the fountains at the Bellagio, the live lions at the MGM, rode the roller coaster at the New York, New York, and saw the Beatles Love show at the Mirage. (Check out the pic of me and Mr. Big at the show. Isn’t he cute?) It was a blast. I love that town.

And, while I was out experiencing the neon madness of Vegas, my Mom was at home, continuing on her quest for Mr. Right. When I got home, her latest story had me in stitches! I laughed so hard I think I peed a little.

Okay, right after college, my mom met this lovely guy, who we’ll call Elmo, and started dating him. It was the sixties, he was a musician, very groovy times had by all. However, school, jobs, etc. took over and the relationship was short lived.

Fast forward to now. As I mentioned, Mom’s dedicated herself to finding Mr. Right this year. In an effort to find a stud and not another dud, she made a list of all her past boyfriends with a column indicating why she broke up with them. Most had really good reasons in that column. All but Elmo. It seems circumstances just weren’t in their favor at the time. So, Mom being the resourceful thing she is (and never one to leave an opportunity unexplored) she looks him up online. And finds him. He’s still a musician, has a grown kid, still lives in the area. They decide to meet up for coffee. He arrives in a Ferrari. Mom is SO glad she looked this guy up.

And, as the afternoon wears on, she says it’s just like no time had gone by, The conversation flows naturally, they reminisce about old times, and, there’s even a little flirting going on.

Flirting that continues via email. And phone conversations. And leads to another coffee date. And Mom’s really wondering why she broke up with this guy in the first place, and how easy would it be to pick up right where they left off. They both feel incredibly comfortable with each other despite the 40 year absence. So comfortable, in fact, that Elmo confesses something.

(Oh yeah, this is where it gets good.)

Elmo fills Mom in about his lifestyle. His alternative lifestyle. Turns out, Elmo has a thing for being tied up… and then tickled.

Tied up. And tickled.

Mom frowns. Bites her lip. Tries her best not to laugh. Thanks the gods for helping her dodge that bullet (or feather duster) years ago.

And the next time he emails her for a coffee date, she replies with: Sorry, I’m tied up that day. Besides, coffee doesn’t really tickle my fancy.


~Trigger Happy Halliday