Wednesday, February 25, 2009

And You Thought I Was Weird...

I'll be the first to admit it - I have a real weakness for squeezy stress toys. I've got it bad. And the only place you can get them is through some company giveaway. I'm down to zero right now and I'm in need of a fix.

Which is why I was trolling the net the other day, checking out business catalogs looking for squeezy things. Why can't you just buy them? You can't! Not unless you want to buy at least one thousand or more and slap a logo on it. I think I only wrote books so I'd have a reason to buy a gross of promotional squeezy toys.

Anyway, I came across this site that had some really cool promotional stuff. But the further I got drawn into it, the weirder the squeezy stress thingys. I was so impressed, I thought I'd share a few with you. And yes, these are actual squeezy stress relievers. I am NOT making this up. (I'm not even sure I could.)

This is the perfect stress reliever for those people who have:

A) Never given up hope that the Earth is least in places

B) Watched too much "Roly Poly Oly" with their kids and have left reality as we know it

C) Overly zealous fans of Bizarro Superman...nuff said

If you are a follower of my blog, you will know why this one, a Hypothyroid Gland, is my favorite. If not, you probably will just think I'm very, very odd.

Now, this one is the perfect stress reliever if you really, really hate Easter Island. And what's really interesting about that, is there must actually be people like that since this is an actual promotional item in actual promotional catalogs. (All I know is, I'm gonna have to set a future book there so I can get a bunch of these made up!)

This is the actual brain of that guy who wears the rainbow wig at the football game. Apparently he is so unbelievably irritating that they made this squeezy stress toy in his honor. I totally get that.

This one is interesting. It is a prostate gland squeezy toy. And if it isn't stupid enough to just have a prostate gland as a stress reliever, they went and cut it open because they thought it was too dull to depict a whole one. And by the way, I KNEW there were seeds in there! I just knew it! And people called me crazy! Me!

And here it is. The piece de la resistance. A squeezy stress toy ass. And it's not even a whole one. It's like, only the ass cheeks. I guess I could understand an endocrinologist putting her name on a squeezy thyroid gland for her patients (and if you know of one who does, please send me their address because I need one). And I could justify a proctologist with a stress relieving cross section of a prostate gland. I guess. But what the hell is this?

I'm open to suggestions. Your thoughts?

The Assassin


Zita said...

Maybe it's something to give to the secretary whose boss is one?

Refhater said...

LOL! Thanks for this post, I needed a good laugh this morning!

I have a ton of squeezy stress toys if you want them. Lions, insurance agents, brains, human hearts, all sorts of them. My favorite is a rubber ball made up of eyes. An "eyeball." When you work in a hospital, they're easy to get.

As for the last one, my first thought was "Talk about half assed!" But it's more likely due to the cut backs the medical industry has been experiencing for the last several years. The ordering company may have requested the entire ass (or body for that matter) and the ass cheeks is all that the insurance would ultimately cover.

Leslie Langtry said...

Good idea Zita!
Refhater, you are one lucky chick! Where did you get all of those???

Terri Osburn said...

I had no idea. LOL! The guy in the office next to me always has some squeezy stress thing. He used to have this little man, but he ripped the head off. Then he had a little dinasour that would light up when you squeeze it. But he ripped that head off too. So now the little man head is on the dinasour body. LOL!

Is it any wonder I rarely leave my office?

Gemma Halliday said...

Oh my god, those were so funny!! I love the Easter Island head. You know, because it's such a controversial place I'm sure there are tons of EI haters.


Anonymous said...

I love the rainbow brain. Maybe you can gather up all your blog readers and their friends and place a bulk order of your favorite. :)

I got nuthin' on the half ass. Maybe for whatever company ran that "laughing my ass off" commercial where people's butts kept falling off? Funny, but I can't remember what it was for.

For work a few years ago I attended a trade show for people in the coal-burning power-generation industry and came home with a stress ball shaped like a lump of coal. I've always wanted to put it in someone's stocking.

Suzan Harden said...

Just make sure you get the solid ones, Leslie. I've got a reputation for destroying the liquid and gel-filled ones, and I cna honestly say they're not as durable.

Anonymous said...

Um, Suzan, were these butt cheek ones that you destroyed?

Faye, ducking really fast

Minna said...

Well, here's one stress ball:
There are all kinds of weird and fun stuff (penguin tea timer, Mini Animal Paper Shredders, Harvest Your Own Pearl Kit) on that site, but I'm not sure if they have any other stress balls.

Blinky St. James said...

LOL! I remember Roly Poly Oly...anyway, these are so funny! They should sell them on Haha!

Keri Ford said...

I'll take a hypothyroid gland. Though I fear on my first crappy day there won't be much left of the squeezy.

Leslie Langtry said...

I just had a girl scout meeting that could cause me to rupture several squeezy stress toys. I think my head exploded.

LuAnn said...

How funny! I, too, have a thing for those stress relievers. I have a football, soccer ball, tractor, cow, horse ... who knows what all is floating around here!

Estella said...

Too funny!