Oscar Wrap Up

Last weekend was the Oscars, which, as I explained to Mr. Big, is like the superbowl of fashion. I gather chips, snacks, cocktails, and settle in on the sofa for a full afternoon and evening of star gazing. Yes, I watched every pre-show (and even the E! pre-preshow). The red carpet walks, and the entire awards show. Forget who won best sound editing or best foreign short film – the real winners and losers that night were the stylists! So, here are my Oscar fashion awards 2009:


Best Accessories on a Supermodel



Heidi Klum
Anyone else may not have been able to pull this off, but I love the multitude of bling on Heidi’s arm!

Best Use of Geometric Shapes to Confuse Paparazzi



Amy Adams
As if the red and black geometric thing warring with the fussy gauze drape weren’t enough, that necklace looks so heavy, I’m surprised she can stand upright. (Especially considering she probably hasn’t eaten anything in days to squish herself into that dress!)


Best It’s-Not-A-Baby-Bump-It’s-a-Belly-Bulge



Whoopi Goldberg
What was she thinking? Okay, I get that not everyone in Hollywood has to be a size two. And, as we get a little older, bellies aren’t always washboard-flat. But … it’s gauzy leopard!


Best Human Rainbow Maker



Anne Hathaway
This was probably my favorite gown of the evening. Very simple structure, not a lot of fuss, but shimmery and glitzy enough to definitely say “I deserve an Oscar!”


Best Wallflower



Beyonce
Please tell me she didn’t just make a dress out of the curtains.


Best Couple I Wanna Be When I Grow Up



Brangelina
Elegant, understated, yet surprisingly graceful. Even though I have to hate Angelina just a little for looking that fabulous after having twins.

Best Pose



Evan Rachel Wood
How long do you think she practiced that hand-on-hip thing in the bathroom mirror?


Best Bed Sheet Masquerading as a Gown



Jessica Biel
Tell me this doesn’t look like she just wrapped a bed sheet around her mid section a couple times and called it a day. And the messy, flay-away hair does nothing to convince me she didn't just come from some all nighter at the motel across the street.


Best Use of Leftover Fabric



Marisa Tomei
This dress looks like they got to the end, realized they way over purchased on fabric, and just kept pleating. And pleating. And pleating…


Best Dead Animal



No, I’m not talking about Mickey Rourke (though, by the looks of him, he almost qualifies…), but his beloved dog, Loki, a pictures of whom Mickey wore around his neck all evening.

Best Cleavage



Sara Jessica Parker
For a girl with cups at the way beginning of the alphabet, she makes the most of them. And by that grin on Ferris Bueller’s (I mean, Matthew Broderick’s) face, I’d say he approves.


And last but not least…

Best Attempt to Shove Body into a Gown Two Sizes Too Small



Penelope Cruz
I love, love, love this gown, and would totally have sucked it in, too, in order to wear it. But, it was clear in every interview she gave that Penelope might look hot, but she couldn’t actually breath. (Just check the pinched expression here!) I seriously thought she was going to hyperventilate when she went up to accept her Oscar.

Anyone else have favs or faux pas to report?


~Trigger Happy Halliday