Friday, May 16, 2008

Heat Wave

It is hot - I’m talking HOT – in California this week. 104. Seriously. My brain is in a total heat wave fog, every cell focused on just one thing – stay cool. I’ve been spending my days at the pool (yes, ogling the hard bodied lifeguards) and sipping anything with ice and umbrellas in it. So, this blog comes to you poolside today. :)

Despite the heat, I have been continuing on my journey toward finding Mr. Right. I met 13 different guys this week. Yep, 13. Two individual dates, 11 speed dates. This brings my total of different men dated for the year at 38 . K, when I said I’d go through every guy on the west coast to find Mr. Right, I really didn’t mean it literally.

And I have to say, the more dates I go on, the more blasé I’m starting to feel about men in general. I’ll admit, they’re all starting to run together. This week I met a couple of perfectly nice guys, but none of them thrilled me. There wasn’t anything terribly wrong with them. Good jobs, nice homes, pleasant conversation. But I just wasn’t excited. I didn’t go home and check to make sure my cell was on in case they called. I didn’t haunt my email inbox waiting for a note from them. I didn’t even mentally picture what they’d look like in those hot lifeguard shorts. (Sorry, hard to concentrate with cute lifeguards around.) I’m starting to wonder if it’s me, or if I’m just meeting really bland guys. I know, I did say after the Pirate and the Fighter in the Closet that I just wanted to meet a nice normal guy. But, now that I have, I’m realizing that my whole trade-in-the-bad-boys-for-Ward-Cleaver strategy is kind of backfiring. Problem is, I’m just not that into Ward Cleaver.

In light of this, I went online today – onto a new service – to see what was out there. To see if I could find a compromise between Ward Cleaver and pirates that might excite my romantic side while still keeping practical Gemma happy, too. Here are excerpts from some of the profiles I found:

To get things started, you should know that I have a brilliant mind. I have a very large IQ.

(Not to mention ego.)

I'm a good man who is looking for a good woman for a good long term relationship. I'm a good man with good values. I have a lot to offer a good woman. If you're interested feel free to contact me.

(What do you want to bet someone told him to write a ‘good’ profile?)

Looking for a woman who is caring, honest, and secure. And it would be great if she has nice feet. And paints her toenails. Preferably red.

(Hmm. The words “foot” and “fetish” come to mind.)

Communication and intimacy might be considered my forte, but there is much more to discover given a little time. I love doing my personal work, and deeply appreciate the strong souls who'll dance with me in mutual growth.

(I suddenly feel the need to sing Kumbaya while wearing hemp and Birkenstocks.)

No brats need apply here. No drama queens or self-centered valley girls. I am looking for wit, determination, and substance wrapped in a humble shell of sweetness. I have yet to meet my match. You can't handle this.

(I’m laughing too hard to even comment on this one.)

You - Passive Aggressive ? Do you get pissed about stuff and when asked about it say.. "oh.. nothing.. I'm fine" And then just plot about how your going to make the offending parties life as miserable as possible.... EVEN THOUGH THEY JUST ASKED YOU WHATS UP. Type the back button now. I don’t wanna meet ya.

(Gotta love a man who wear his aggression right up front.)

I'm am a fit, stylish, energetic & attractive looking to make a cosmic connection to a groovy gal.

(Far out, man!)

And my favorite… (yes, I kept his original spelling)

Man of few words, Multy dimensional, spritual, keep myself in shape. I am interested in variety of subjects and activitis. Interested in Someone who is original, speaks her heart, being fit is a plus and education makes sense


(Too bad your profile doesn’t.)

Okay, so after much searching I did find two guys with coherent and non-scary profiles to write to. A firefighter (hey, a real life hero!) and a hot Latin guy with really pretty blue eyes. We’ll see if either writes back. I’ll keep you posted. In the meantime… I have another round of frosty drinks to order and there are lifeguards out here who aren’t going to ogle themselves.

~Trigger Happy Halliday

16 comments:

Tori Lennox said...

I keep thinking my waiting for Mr. Right to magically appear on my doorstep might just work for me. *g*

The firefighter sounds good, though!

Leah said...

Somehow it always seems that when you've lost interest in men and decide to stop looking, you're suddenly inundated. Then again, maybe it wouldn't hurt to chat up a few of those lifeguards...

Keri Ford said...

Come on Gemma...You MUST respond to No Brats! You must, you must, you must! (yes, that would be begging)

I loved the glimpse of his personality and he sounds like a totally fun guy and it's already confirmed he can make you laugh!

As for the lifeguards, send them bottles of water with your number on a napkin. you can always later blame the move on your umbrella drinks :O)

Sin said...

I have to agree with Keri. That no brats need apply really REALLY needs a funny comment.

Kathy Bacus said...

I agree with Keri and Sin. 'No Brats' arrogance (i.e. I have yet to meet my match & You can't handle this) is the equivalent of dropping the proverbial gauntlet.

Might be fun to burst his little 'I'm all that' bubble. You might even find a decent guy behind all swagger and posturing.

Good luck with the firefighter and the hot Latin!

~Bullet Hole~

Gemma Halliday said...

Okay, you've convinced me. (or maybe it's the umbrella drinks...) I'll write to the No Brats guy. Yeah, that kind of profile is just begging for a snarky response. ;)

The Latin wants to get together next week. (Yay) No response yet from the firefighter. Will keep you updated poolside. (Doesn't wireless internet rock?)

~Gemma

P.S. The lifeguards are oh-so-lovely, but probably a good ten years younger than I am. Sigh. Still, it doesn't hurt to look...

Christie Craig said...

To funny, Gemma. Love hearing about this stuff.

I think Leah has a point. Chat up those lifeguards.

Keep the dating blogs coming.

Crime Scene Christie

terrio said...

Thank goodness it's not just me who finds these crazy profiles. I stop reading if within one or two sentences it's obvious he's illiterate. And what's up with the ones who type the entire profile in CAPITAL LETTERS?! I feel like they're yelling at me and it's too much pressure.

Can't wait to hear about No Brats dude. Though I thinks it's funny that Angry Boy used the sentence "And then just plot about how your going to make the offending parties life as miserable as possible." I mean plotting, come on. You could scare the stuffing out of him.

Am I the only one upset that she did not include pictures of hot lifeguards in this blog?

Gemma Halliday said...

Am I the only one upset that she did not include pictures of hot lifeguards in this blog?

Lol! I'll see what I can get with my phone later. ;)

~Gemma

Lucy said...

Okay, I have a confession here. Inspired by you, I created a profile at two different sites (I'm not a full member though as no money has changed hands yet) and have looked at a few profiles. I thought of your adventures when I saw this under "last book read" (typos are all his):

A silly little historic romance (!?!). A charming story of how love triumphs over adversity. In it's defense...it was very well written for that type of book...some nice little hidden messages about being persistent in getting what you want out of life.

He immediately went on my "uh NO" list.

Gemma Halliday said...

Yay, Lucy! So glad you're joining the dating and sharing-out-craptastic-dates group. ;)

LOVE that profile. Lol! What a silly little man.

~Gemma

Jenyfer Matthews said...

Hey, look on the bright side - these numb skulls saved you the time and energy of finding out their flaws while actually in their presence ;)

Can't wait to hear about the Latin!!

Minna said...

There sure are, um, interesting guys out there.

Elisabeth Naughton said...

ROFLMAO at this one:

Do you get pissed about stuff and when asked about it say.. "oh.. nothing.. I'm fine" And then just plot about how your going to make the offending parties life as miserable as possible.... EVEN THOUGH THEY JUST ASKED YOU WHATS UP.

I can hear my hubby now:

Him: "What's wrong?"
Me: "Nothing."
Him: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Yeah. I'm fine."
Him: "Really? Because you don't look fine."
Me: (Plotting how to make his life miserable) "Oh yeah, totally. Fine and dandy now."

Good thing I'm not single!!!

BTW, Gemma...102 here yesterday, 98 today. I'm MELTING. Your blasted heat has reached us all the way up here in Oregon. Five days ago it wasn't even 60 degrees!

Janice said...

Hi Gemma,

I just wanted to thank you for dropping by my virtual B-day party.

I'm sorry your having problems with dating but the firefight sounds good. Nothing wrong with a hero.

Janice aka lady Jan~

mary kennedy said...

Love this post, Gemma!! So many guys out there, some great, some goofy. I hope you turn this into a book, it is a great idea...LOVED Alibi in High Heels and am waiting to read MORE!!! mary kennedy