Friday, May 02, 2008

Hamster Power

That’s right, I, Rosie the Wonder Hamster have hijacked Gemma’s blog this week. Why you may ask? Lack of attention. That’s right, for the past week Gemma has been locked away in her bedroom completely ignoring the adorable fuzziness that is me. Something about a book deadline. I’m not sure what that means, but I’ve witnessed lots of chocolate and cocktails go in and only wastebaskets full of crumpled papers come out. And instead of petting me and running me in my really complicated cardboard maze (Dude, do you know how hard it is to remember where she puts that treat? I refuse to believe it’s the same place every time.), she’s been muttering to herself about things like “motive,” “alibi,” and “twist at the end.” I’m starting to worry.

So, ignored as I was, yesterday I decided to stand up for my right to daily petting and do something about it. I made a break for it. That’s right, they haven’t yet created a cage or plastic tubing that can hold this hamster back. When Gemma wasn’t looking (which has been a lot lately. *pout*) I wiggled my little nose underneath the latch on the top of my cage and popped that sucker open. I climbed out and kind of slid down the side of my cage until I hit the top of the dresser it sits on. Then I walked to the edge of the dresser and peered over. Gulp. Let me tell you, when you’re only two inches tall, that is one heck of a drop. But, I’m nothing if not brave (the don’t call me the Wonder Hamster for nothing), so, closing my eyes and holding my breath, I jumped for it. All I can say is thank goodness for my ample lady lumps. (Hey, if God wanted me to run on an exercise wheel, he’d have made mini sized ipods, okay?) My extra padding broke my fall, and I found myself free, on the ground floor, and ready for phase two of my plan to win back Gemma’s affection.

I scurried (‘cause that’s pretty much the only way someone with feet like mine can move) across the floor and down the hall to Gemma’s room where the incessant sound of keyboard clacking greeted my tiny little ears. There she was. At her desk, empty Starbucks cup beside her, moving her lips as she typed, eyes glued to the screen.
I very stealthily made my way into the room and headed toward the big white doors to the right. At one point Gemma paused in her typing and looked up, almost staring straight at me. But, clever thing that I am, I stood perfectly still so I’d blend in with the carpeting. It must have worked because she just turned back to her screen, muttering, “…but Maddie has to kiss him in chapter seven…”

I let out a sigh of relief and continued toward my target unnoticed until I hit the white doors. Sucking in a deep breath, I squeezed though a tiny crack between them. A very tiny crack. I almost got stuck halfway through. (Okay, fine. I’ll do a couple laps on my wheel tonight. But don’t think I’m making a habit of it!) But, I finally made it. I was in. Gemma’s closet.

For anyone who has never seen Gemma’s closet it’s the coolest place I’ve ever been. Hamster beds as far as the eye can see. Of course, she calls them “shoes”, but whatever. I tippy toed over some sparkly silver beds, a pair of leopard print ones with lots of complicated straps, a couple really pink fuzzy ones, until I spied the perfect pair. Red, shiny, really high off the ground, with straps that made kind of a nice canopy. Beautiful. Like the kind of bed a princess hamster would sleep in. And, since I am Gemma’s little princess (or at least I was before that dang book came along…), I climbed right in and made myself at home. I nuzzled all the way into the toe and settled in for a long, satisfying nap.

And, my plan worked like a charm. Okay, so maybe the first thing Gemma did when she opened her closet to grab a pair of “going out” shoes that evening wasn’t pet my head and tell me how pretty I am. But I did get her attention. Boy howdy, did I. She screamed liked someone had hidden her chew toys when she stuck one toe in the shiny red hamster bed and came up against my furry backside. I think she may have even used the term “rat” once or twice, but I’m quite certain she wasn’t referring to me. (Hey, I may be a rodent, but I’ve more class in one whisker than that my long tailed, gutter dwelling cousins.) When she finally stopped screaming and realized I’d just come for a little visit, she picked me up by the scruff of the neck and plopped me unceremoniously back into my cage. Duct taping the lid on this time.

Okay, so I didn’t quite get the kind of attention I was going for. But, I’m pretty sure that when she reads this blog today, she’ll realize how terribly neglected I’ve been, put down the keyboard, and come spend a few quality moments rubbing my belly and feeding my sunflower seeds. After all, what’s a silly little book compared to a hamster that can perform death defying leaps and stealth cross carpet missions?

~Rosie "Caught Red-Handed" Hamster

P.S. The winner of Gemma's advanced reader copy of THESE BOOTS WERE MADE FOR STRUTTING is... Sin! Sin, email my owner with your addy and I'll make sure she sends your ARC out ASAP. Congrats, girl!


Sin said...





This is like the greatest day EVER! I might faint. I don't even have the right shoes on for this type of honor!

Rosie, you are the bestest. Although, if you'd been in shoes, you would've thought them to be caves! Bless your little soul!

Sin said...

PS. Gemma you rock too. I didn't want to leave that out. I will email you right this second!

Leslie Langtry said...

Gemma! I loved Rosie's blog! I know exactly what is going on because our guinea pig, Dewey, (it's a girl but that's another story) gives me the sad eyes and "I'm bustin' outta here" ultimatum all the time. Great stuff!


Terri Osburn said...

I've seriously been considering letting the Kiddo get a hamster. Now, I'm not so sure. LOL!

Great job, Rosie. You do know you're owner well. How did you know she'd go for the red pair and not the pink fur?

Sin totally stole that ARC from me. Dang it. Now I have to try to steal it. But she's bigger than I am. And in better shape. And armed. Eep!

Gemma Halliday said...

Aw, come on, terrio! We little fuzzy creatures are the best! The only time Gemma really has issue with me is when a) I escape and sleep in her shoes or b) she has to clean my cage. (What can I say, they don't make toilets small enough for folks like me.)

Oh yeah, and there was that one time I got out and started nibbling in her file drawer. Mmmmm... those phone bills tasted so good...


Gemma Halliday said...

Yay, so glad you're looking forward to the book, sin! I promise I won't even nibble on the pages a little bit before Gemma sends it out. :)


Gemma Halliday said...

Leslie - Okay, spill it. How come you named your poor girl guinea pig Dewey?

~Rosie the Wonder Hamster

Wendy said...

Hi, Rosie!

You are too adorable, can I steal you? I promise I'll give you lots of attention and seeds!

And by the way, you might hear rumors that I "lost" my hamster years ago but they're lies, lies! I tells ya. :)

Dru said...

Rosie, you are the girl! Too funny and don't tell my boss that it was me laughing out loud.

Anonymous said...

Rosie, you're so cute!!! Gemma needs to get you a pair of shoes, I mean hamster beds, of your very own! :)

Congrats, Sin!!!

Leslie Langtry said...

I'll give you the short version. We didn't know the sex of the pig and the kids wanted to name it after Jack Black's character in School of Rock. After some research (and horrifically graphic photos) on the internet, I got to sex the guinea pig. Turns out she's a girl. But Dewey stuck.


Gemma Halliday said...

Oh, Les, I'm so sorry you had to look at rodent porn! *snork*

Angie Fox said...

LOL Rosie "the wonder hamster," able to leap off tall dressers in a single bound. Thanks for the laugh. You're too cute.

Keri Ford said...

You would have found me dead on the floor had that happened to me!

My grandpa stuck his foot in his boot once and had something bite into his toe. He kicked the boot off, nothing came running out, so carefully, he shook it and out tumbled a comb! Ever since telling me that story I always shake my shoes upside down just in case. you might wanna start.

*shudder* keri

Gemma Halliday said...

Lol Keri! Hey, a lot worse things could have tumbled out of that boot.

Christie Craig said...

Hi Rosie,

Great blog.

I can so relate to Gemma's mutters. Hang in there, she'll get through the deadline and you'll get your lovin'.

Crime Scene Christie