Monday, May 12, 2008

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Remember Forrest Gump????? Mama always said that stupid is as stupid does. Well, I'm not so certain that Mama had it all right. Sometimes stupid is just plain stupid. Consider these quotes from actual court proceedings:

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Now, what's most disturbing about all of these, is that it's the person who spent 8+ years gaining a "higher" education who has their head all the way inserted. This is a prime example of what my grandma called "educated fools."

So what's the dumbest thing you ever heard a smart person say?

Deadly (Dumbfounded) DeLeon

11 comments:

Sin said...

LOL. That was a great blog!

I speak with lawyers quite often and it never fails me to hear the type of ignorant stuff that comes out of their mouths. It's like once they get all that education their mouths are disconnected from the common sense part of their brain. And when I ask what they mean, they act like I'm the crazy one!

terrio said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Thanks for the laugh, Jana! I especially liked the one where the witness asked for a new attorney in the middle of giving testimony. LOL.

Faye

Tori Lennox said...

I've seen some of these before and they never fail to crack me up! Thanks for the laughs!!! :)

Christie Craig said...

Love it. Love it. Love it.

Thanks for the laugh Jana.

Crime Scene Christie

Gemma Halliday said...

*snork* Thanks, now there's coffee spit all over my keyboard. Lol!

~Gemma

Jana DeLeon said...

oh sin - I'm so sorry you have to work with lawyers! :)

Jana DeLeon said...

Faye - I know! I was thinking, hell yeah, I'd ask for a new attorney too!

Jana DeLeon said...

You're welcome Tori! Stupidity never fails to entertain. :)

Jana DeLeon said...

You're welcome, Christie!

Jana DeLeon said...

LOL Gemma - I have that coffee problem occasionally myself. :)