You want to know what?

As a writer, I get all sorts of questions tossed at me. Some of them are what I call repeaters, questions that get asked a lot. For those, I have my prepared answers down pat. Some questions are downright funny--people wanting to understand the strange mechanics of how a writer’s mind works. I usually just make up an answer for those, because please, I don’t understand how my mind works, either.

Some of those questions are just weird, and they make me laugh. Then there are the others that give me concerns about my fans, readers, and human population in general. (You know who you are.)

However, no matter what category those questions fall into, most of the time, (okay, there are a few exceptions) I still love being asked. Why? First because, curiosity generally means interest and interest could result in book sells, and second . . . Well, was it Will Farrell who said, “Inappropriate behavior always makes me laugh.”

So just for grins, and laughs, let me share some of those questions. I’ll also share my answers. And okay, because you are who you are, I’m going to go one step further and even give you the truth.

* * *

Question: “Do you ever take your characters with you when you go places?” (Can you believe I’ve been asked that more than once?)

Answer: Of course, I do. But I insist that they pay their own way, unless I have a buy-one-get-one-free coupon.

Truth: I usually just stick them in my purse, and don’t feed them and sneak them into places without buying them a ticket. I save the buy one get one free coupons for real friends.

* * *

Question: “When you hear your characters talking to you, how do you know that it’s just creativity and not that you really are crazy?” (Internal comment: duh.)

Answer: “Does it really have to be one or the other?”

Truth: Anyone who sits around all day and spends hours envisioning and writing about the lives of their characters, along with making facial expressions in the mirror so she can describe them, has to be a little bit bonkers.

* * *

Question: “Is your husband jealous of your heroes?” (This answer has variations.)

Answer if Hubby isn’t around: “Of course, he’s jealous. My heroes are so hot, he knows he can’t compete.”

Answer if Hubby is around: “Jealous? Why? He knows I pattern all my heroes after him.”

Truth: Just as there is a little of myself in each of my heroines, there really is a bit of my husband in all my heroes.

Funny anecdote: Recently, my husband was reading one of my books and he started laughing. “Hey, this sounds like something I would say.”

“ Yeah,” I told him honestly, “Now, turn to page 123, and see if you can just get your six pack to look like his.”

“I’ll try if you’ll grab a feather duster and turn to page 220.” He gets a twinkle in his eye.

Moral of the funny anecdote: Sometimes fiction and real life can co-mingle and it’s a win-win for everyone.

* * *

Question: “Do you research your scenes?” (Asked by some sleazy-looking man in which fiction and real life will never co-mingle.)

Answer: “Of course, I do.”

Second question: (Yup, I know it’s coming) “Do you ever need a research assistant?”

Answer: (Given with a straight face and hopefully not showing signs of my inner most thought, which is GROSS!) “Of course I do.”

More expected sleaze to come: “In that case, I’d love to volunteer.” Sleazy guys scratches himself in an inappropriate place.

My smartass reply: “I’m so thrilled you offered. Let me run get my gun. I’m doing a scene where some scumbag gets shot in the kneecap and I need someone to describe how it feels. And I happen to love my husband too much to ask him to do it.” (Statement ending in a very serious, you-gotta-be-joking eye roll.)

Truth: I write funny and sexy love stories. I’m very proud of my genre. I’ll be the first to make a joke and don’t mind a comment or two about the sexy content of my books. (Hey, sex can be funny.) But one should never forget that my stories are about two people falling in love and making a commitment to each other and the relationship. Hubby is the only one I co-mingle with.

* * *

Question: “What do you do when your characters misbehave?”

Answer: “I call the fiction police to arrest them and put them in solitary confinement.”

Truth: I generally sit back and enjoy it. Like I said, inappropriate behavior makes me laugh and if I’m laughing, so will my readers.

* * *

Okay…those are a few of the questions I get asked. And now, what I’m offering you is the opportunity to ask me even more questions. I have to warn you upfront. Stupid questions about my love scenes will generally warrant stupid answers. And oh yeah, remember I’m southern, which means I will never tell the truth if a lie will make a better tale. But go ahead and give it your best shot.

And to one lucky poster, I’ll offer a pack of my note cards. So come on, play along with me.

Crime Scene Christie