Wednesday, May 07, 2008

The Cake That Ate My Youth, Part Deaux

So, because I know how absolutely desperate you are to know, here’s how the week really turned out.

Tuesday – We decided elementary school talent show will last approximately seven hours. Still haven’t killed creepy showbiz moms – which shows tremendous, nobel-peace-prize-potential self-control on my part. Managed to make cake only changing my shirt four times (and that was with an apron). THE cake (see photo) turned out great - I even had enough batter for an additional little cake. Had a little problem trying to figure out how to transport a rolling ball – wished I’d paid more attention in physics class in junior high (there really was a Mr. Skeevy). Glared at the mom who kept upping my bid and ended up bidding on daughter’s boyfriend’s cake once I saw how happy he was when she bid. Paid $75 for two cakes. Michelle joined me later for “liquid refreshment” not involving cake.

WednesdayGirl Scout meeting went pretty well. The girls created their own planets and chose their number one export. Ellie’s planet made designer clothes and weapons. Kaitlyn’s planet manufactured heart-shaped beds (and I don’t think she’s ever been to the Poconos) and Margaret’s (my kid’s) planet had a population of mermaids and “everyone poops butterflies.” I’m not making this up. Actually, I don’t think I could.

Thursday – After dropping off three dozen neon frosted (with Super Staining Power!!!) cupcakes for Margaret’s birthday at school, I proceeded to clean the house. Tom wanted me to be sure to clean it to the standard by which his parents (who owned it last year) were accustomed. I asked him if they knew we had children. Spent whole day scouring house from top to bottom while my husband called every hour from the airport with “I’m bored. What are you doing?” After a second shower and the strategic locking of two doors (if you can’t see ‘em, they’re clean!) I hosted our families. Michelle made Margaret a skull cake which totally rocked! Not sure family was as amused. Didn’t really care. By the way, for those of you counting at home, we now had a total of FOUR cakes.

Friday – House slips into complete disarray while we sleep, which was interesting. By early evening we were an hour and a half away at the Amana colonies for Margaret & Hannah’s party, watching the kids play while our eyes bled from the overly chlorinated air. Bedtime took forever because the girls were keyed up on sugar. At about midnight I went into their room AGAIN to tell them to go to sleep and found two of them showing the others how to practice kissing using their pillows. I thought about adopting an indignant, moral stance but remembered that I, too, had done the same thing. Therefore I used my sage, un-hypocritical wisdom to say, “Well…just stop and go to bed!” I fell asleep listening to them mocking me.

SaturdayThe Wince thing was fun, even in spite of the fact they put me on the fourth floor and the elevator was out due to the flooding of the Mississippi. Well, and the bar was on the first floor (again, not making this up). Reading stuff from other people’s diaries was hilarious. There was the entry that started with, “Thank God! It’s not mono!” to “I like Wesley but then there’s Brandon so I don’t know what to do…” to “I can’t believe we didn’t get caught tp-ing them! They live right next door!” And I not only was the first to write on the naked woman, I struck up a friendship and bought her beer. And I was right. She was young, thin and had porcelain skin. I wrote the word “beautiful” on her shoulder. Then I went home and ate a f@#!kload of cake.

Now I just have to get my cake-fed ass back to the Y and go on sugar detox and I’ll be just fine.

The (cake) Assassin


Wendy Roberts said...

HA HA HA! Your week sounds like mine ... on second thought, not so funny :(

Terri Osburn said...

Yep, my life is a cake walk compared to yours. Sorry, couldn't resist (again). You really do take LOTS from real life for the books, huh? Minus the dead bodies, thank goodness.

I might trade you weeks when mine started with finding out I sent my Italy training books to Hawaii and my Hawaii training books to Italy. Yeah, the dudes I work with are not all that happy with me. *sigh*

But my kiddo hit her first homer in softball so that made things all better. LOL!

Thanks for the heads up on that neon frosting.

Christie Craig said...

Now I want some cake, Leslie.

Your life sounds sounds very busy. But wouldn't you rather it be that way than boring?

Crime Scene Christie

Sin said...

Hm, a vacay to the Carribean might be in your future, oh cake one.

I love that you had to change your shirt four times when making a cake (even with an apron on) now I don't feel so bad when I set clothes on fire when I cook.

Keri Ford said...

I'm with Christie, pass the cake around!

Reading your week made me want to go take nap. gee, I don't know how you do all that and are still thinking of the Y. pass the energy with that cake!

Leslie Langtry said...


Does that mean you are going to Italy and Hawaii? Do you need a slightly used author to accompany you?


You set your clothes on fire? You win!!!!


Terri Osburn said...

Leslie - I offered to go and straighten all this out but alas, the company won't go for it. Dang it. I'd suggest taking you. For my own protection.

I set a pot holder on fire more than once. But so far, never my clothes. I just burn my thumbs all the time.

Hellie Sinclair said...

*LOL* OMG, that's a riot. And can I have some cake, pretty please? I could use a sugar coma right about now.

Good of you to bid on the boyfriend's cake. Men's esteem is so fragile.

Sin said...

I'm a disaster area in the kitchen. I once *accidently* forgot brownies in the oven. Slightly brown (OKAY charred, yeesh) brownies do not smell good. And it doesn't go away for months! It smelled like baby diaper gone wrong.

Kim Castillo said...

Hola everyone!

Leslie--that is the most hilarios week I've heard about in a long time. Dang but I feel so much better now about my mountain of laundry and overflowing trash can. AND I no longer feel guilty that my kiddo only got TWO birthday cakes. *snort*

**Makes note to offer Leslie b-day cake in San Fran.

Gemma Halliday said...

Due, that's a lot of cake!

Sin, you are my soul sister. I light stuff on fire in the kitchen all the time. The scariest part? I was just asked to contribute a recipe to an author's cookbook. :O This should be interesting...