Just Another Manic Mother's Day

Before I begin – check out my new and improved website and see my first ever contest! I know, it took me f…o…r…e…v…e…r. But now I have the Amazing Kim so things are looking up! More on that later.

How was your Mother’s Day? Mine was okay. It’s always too much and my husband is always out of town but it was good. As usual there’s the running around to celebrate the occasion with both of our mothers (and did I mention my husband always seems to be out of town?). Which means I’m always up early, fixing breakfast, making a…whatever it is I’m supposed to take with me and yelling at the kids four times to get dressed and moving. By the end of the day I’m usually exhausted and a total bitch. This time we spread it out and had it (and like five birthday/etc. celebrations thrown in) over the course of two days and just for fun I threw in running the zip line at camp for another girl scout troop.

Some women fantasize about Fabio (never understood that one) or George Clooney (okay, I get that) or receiving diamonds as big as a baby’s head, vacations on the Riviera, winning American Idol, etc. I have always fantasized about having Mother’s Day to myself.

It begins like this; (and remember, don't attempt this fantasy on your own - I am a professional and your brain could actually implode just imagining that this day is possible)

I arise around 11am, with a plate of chocolate Krispy Kremes and a large glass of milk on my nightstand as my kids hand me goofy cards they made myself (okay, I at least have that part every year). I take a long, steaming bubble bath in a spotless tub (again, this may be difficult to imagine so don't even try if you have a heart condition), while listening to Samuel Barber. When I come downstairs dressed in a cashmere hoodie and yoga pants (which I don’t have yet. why don't I have that yet?!) to find my house has been completely cleaned (I know…it is just a fantasy - don't hurt yourself). It’s a beautiful day outside, of course, and we lounge in the backyard watching the kids play, a good book in my hands and a pitcher of mimosas on the table. At night, we order a pepperoni lover’s pizza (with cheese in the crust – arteries are sooooo overrated) and watch a movie I want to watch (I’m not sure this would ever be possible).

Sigh.

I did get a kick-ass gift this year – my new assistant, Kim. I met her at the Chicago Spring Fling conference and she works for authors, setting up and managing marketing stuff among other things. Because of her, I have pages on My Space, Facebook, a real contest on my website, a montly newsletter, etc. She’s awesome and may be the coolest Mother’s Day gift ever (and no, we didn’t violate any slavery laws - you can't own a human because that would be wrong. sigh.).

So, things turned out pretty good. And someday, just maybe, in an alternative universe when the moon is in the seventh house (whatever the f%$#! That means), I’ll get the day off I want.

What did you do?

The Assassin