A Phew Filosofical Questions...

Since the other week when I wondered why RAGE doesn’t burn calories, a couple of other questions have popped into my head.

I don’t ask Mr. A’s opinion anymore. One time a friend and I were having some serious e-mail back and forth regarding a shoe on James’ Cameron’s Titanic documentary. Seems the shoe is found completely buttoned up – with like, fifty buttons. So, we surmised a foot had been in it. What happened to the foot?

Well, we had all kinds of cool theories – a shark with a snail fork, etc. Then Mr. A ruins all our fun by saying the foot just dissolved in the icy waters over time. Bastard.

So, I spent Sunday trimming poor Muppet again. She looks like a tiny weasel with large, uneven bald spots now. Her hair grows ridiculously fast and mattes up if she sneezes. On the other hand, there is my pug. I wonder why in some animals, their hair is short all the time. The pug's hair grows only one length…ever. Why? And how can I get in on that?

Or maybe we can do what the Chrissy and Velvet dolls did. You remember? A button in her navel makes the hair longer and a button on her back makes it short. Sounds wonderful to me - I'm not using my navel for anything right now.

The second question comes from something a pet shop owner told me when I went to get food for the Beta we had named, “Margaret’s Fish.” The fish guy told me not to over feed the fish because, “Fish will eat until they die if you let them.”

I’d heard this before. It’s an old saw if you keep fish as pets, right? And yet, if that’s true, what about fish in lakes, rivers and seas? I’ve never heard of a fish hatching in the morning and dying by afternoon because it kept eating and couldn’t stop. Why is that?

How is it that some fish cannot control themselves when it comes to gluttony and their inevitable deaths? How come other fish live for years? Do they have some kind of self-restraint that eludes the rest of all fishkind? And how can I apply it to my complete lack of willpower that comes over me when I see a Twinkie?

Psst. I should note that I have never actually attempted to “eat until I die” but there have been times when I thought I was dying from overeating.

Let me know if you have any insight into these strange phenomena.

The Assassin