Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Well, it all started when my son calls me up and explains that he needs to come by because he has someone he wants me to meet. He said it hadn’t been planned, but some accidents were a good thing, and basically we had a new member of the family.

Much to my relief, the new member turned out to be puppy. It was little, cute, and had big innocent puppy-dog eyes, big ears and sharp puppy teeth. The mama of this little mutt was a brown Lab. But he didn’t look like a Lab. He had the perfect markings of a Doberman or Rottweiler. I wasn’t a big fan of either breed, but how could I not love the little fellow? He was my grandpuppy, and like grandkids, we get to spoil ‘em and send ‘em home.

Only one little problem. Son’s new job didn’t pan out. Son and the not-so-little puppy showed up on my doorstep again with suitcases, two months of dirty laundry and an empty kibble bowl. Now, I wasn’t in the market for a puppy, but how I could say no? I only had one serious house rule where the puppy was concerned. The rule? Son cleans up all puppy mistakes. Now, looking back, I realize that I really screwed up. I mean, there were so many more rules that I should I have set in the very beginning.

1) Do not eat my furniture. This includes: the kitchen chair, the ruffle of the bottom of the sofa, and the coffee table, all of which have been devoured by the no-longer-so-cute and not-so-little puppy.

2) Do not eat my $100 pair of black conference shoes two days before I leave for Romance Writes of America’s national conference. Wait, let me change that to: Do not eat my shoes, period!

3) Do not hump my sofa cushions. These are to sit against not for you to play out your diverse doggy fantasies.

4) Learn the difference between butcher knifes and teething toys. While I don’t think you’re that cute anymore, I’m not cruel enough to let you devour the knife, and chasing your doggy butt around the house with the sharp side of the butcher knife hanging out of your mouth was not I what considered family fun.

5) Do not feel the need to pre-clean my dishes that are loaded in the dishwasher. I have a cycle that takes care of that.

6) Do not feel the need to distribute all my son’s dirty underwear and socks through out the house, especially when we have dinner guests.

7) No matter how in love you are with me, please . . . please . . .do not pee every time I speak to you. Why does he do this? When hubby or son talks to him he just wags his tail but when I say, “Who’s a cute puppy? You’re a cute puppy,” he wags and pees.

8) Please refrain from bringing inside every pinecone, stick or rock you discover. Ditto for whatever that dead thing was you found behind the shed.

9) Just because you can reach the food on the table, doesn’t mean it’s yours. Did you enjoy the oven-baked fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and spinach? I know I would have if there had been any left!
10) Refrain from using my cats as chew toys. And that scratch you have across your big ol’ nose doesn’t win you sympathy. That should teach you not to treat the felines like sofa cushions.

I would write more, but I have to go out and buy some new black conference shoes now. Next week, I’ll tell you all about the conference.

Have any of you ever had a new puppy you had to house train? Any advice? Any funny stories to share?



krisgils33 said...

Yup, puppies are a pain. Our "puppy" is now just over a year and a half. Golden Retriever...which everyone knows are adorable...until they've peed on your nice hardwood floors one too many times. He still pees on you when he gets excited, especially when someone comes over. It really is embarassing. We don't buy him the stuffed animals any more because he devours them in about 5 seconds and then leaves fluffy carcass everywhere. Oh yeah, he also ate part of the wall one day when we were out. That was super fun too. Enjoy!!!

Zita said...

Oh, dear. But he is very cute. And good luck with the shoes! Any day of shoe-shopping is a good day, right?

Scorpio M. said...

I haven't had a puppy since I was a little child so I don't recall much of the training process. I do think that 'Dog Whisperer' guy, whose name escapes me at the moment, has great techniques.

Christie Craig said...

Hi Krisgils33,

Yup, he's a pain. And I know about fluffy carcasses. We bought him a bed. He thought it would look good all over the living room.

Thanks for stopping in.


Christie Craig said...


I have to admit I bought two pairs to make up for the one. So I guess I shouldn't whine too loudly.

Thanks for stopping by.


Christie Craig said...


I might need to give this guy a call before it's over with. I'll give him a few months to mature and then his butt is whispered!


Kristi said...

Crate training is your friend.

We have a yorkie who loves to eat stuffed animals. Now we buy the ones that have no filling in them.

He does steal our socks if we leave them out though. And he terrorizes the cat who out-weighs him by a good 8-10 pounds.

We love him to death though. He's our baby.

Suzan Harden said...

Got to agree with Kristi on the crate training. If anyone thinks it's cruel, talk to me after you've had a $2000 emergency vet bill for something your puppy ate that he shouldn't have.

Tori Lennox said...

I love dogs but unruly puppies? Not so much.