Sunday, July 18, 2010

Can Anyone Explain This?

Okay, so I told all you guys about my neighbors whose house caught fire one night and they didn't even ring the doorbell and ask for help, right? Well, now I have two more that I'm having trouble figuring out. The first one has set up a man-cave in his garage. Mind you, the garage is not enclosed, so when I drive by at night, his door is up. I clearly see him sitting in there on a couch, drinking a beer and watching a big screen television. Now, understand I'm not questioning his need to get away. Maybe his wife is a raging "b." Maybe his kids make the Omen kid look nice. Maybe he farts while watching tv and isn't allowed in the house. But see, here's the problem - this is Texas. In the summer. For weeks now, the heat index has put us over 100 degrees. With nary a breath of wind.

What in God's name has him sitting in the garage NOW? Anyone? Anyone?

So I'm writing this blog and it's been thundering for the last hour as a storm is moving in. I see movement out the dining room window (I write at the dining table) and realize it's my new next-door neighbor. Now, he seems like a nice guy, but let me set the stage: He mowed the other day but didn't weedeat, so the edges around the fence and house are four inches higher than his lawn. In his back yard a piece of fence between him and the vacant house on the other side is falling down. One good screw or a couple of nails would put it back in place, but he hasn't even addressed that yet. However, in 100-degree heat, with a rainstorm moving in, he is PAINTING the siding on his house with a two-inch paint brush.

Anyone? Anyone?

Guys, I write fiction and I'm out of thoughts on this one. Truly.

Deadly (Dumbfounded) DeLeon

12 comments:

TerriOsburn said...

Best I can do is they're both messing with you. I lived with a friend for a while and her boyfriend and his buddy would sit in the garage, smoking, drinking, and listening to music. They had a fan going, but still, WTH?

And several other guys on that street did the same thing. Men are so weird.

Leslie Langtry said...

Men can be idiots. Let's see, if garage/cave man's garage is on your side of his house, how about watering the lawn and accidentally "watering" him? Actually, though, he is literally stewing in his own juices so there is some suffering there.

Yard Boy, on the other hand, needs a wake-up call. I like to make hostage notes - cutting out letters from magazines. Make one that tells him he'd better work on his yard or else you will release cockroaches in his yard. Something like that.

Zita said...

Maybe he's following his "honey-do" list in order? Maybe the "b" that is his wife insisted that the house had to be painted first because her mother is coming next week? Ooh, maybe he's one of those men that can't see green, so he has no idea that the edges need to be whacked? Or, maybe the goat is on back order and he's saving up the edges for when it arrives? Now garage guy is probably just crazy. I would stay away if I were you. I hear that some guys in Texas change channels with a revolver. We don't have garage guys in Canada. Well maybe we do, but all our garages are walled, so we can't see if we do. Also, we like to keep our crazies in the attic, so the neighbours can't see them.

Brandy said...

We have a neighbor down the street who has a man-cave. He'll have his buddies over when it's close to a hundred degrees out, not counting the humidity and they'll grill and watch tv out there. I don't get it. Is he not allowed in the house?
As for your other neighbor? Sounds like he has ADD and can't complete one whole project at a time. *G*

Tori Lennox said...

I think the simple answer is they're both insane. And I think it's very obliging of Man Cave Dude to let all and sundry know he's got a big screen TV stashed in the garage so the thieves will know right where to go.

Jana DeLeon said...

Terri - I agree. They're weird. It's darn hot here, and did I mention it's also VERY humid right now. NOT a garage-sitting kind of combination. There's not enough beer in Texas for me to sit in my garage.

Jana DeLeon said...

Leslie - the garage dweller lives down the street, so I can't water him and honestly at the rate of water, I'm not sure he's worth it. The other guy, I don't know. I think it's their first house, so he's sorta all over the place. I'm going to be polite and assume he doesn't have the tools or know-how to fix the other stuff. One day when it's cooler, maybe I'll introduce him to my cordless drill or nailgun and help him fix that fence.

Jana DeLeon said...

Zita - I'm LOL at the goat on backorder!

Jana DeLeon said...

Brandy - well, clearly the hot garage is a DNA thing, then. The ADD is a good thought.....

Jana DeLeon said...

LOL Tori - I thought the same thing. But it's an older model rear projection. Would be hard to move.

krisgils33 said...

I think Ms. Langtry summed it up perfectly in 4 short words....men can be idiots. They sometimes defy all rational explanation (although, I'm sure in said male's mind, it makes perfect sense). Congrats on having entertaining neighbors!

Jana DeLeon said...

kris - LOL! Fortunately, the Jerry Springer contingent all moved - separately, as in husbands and wives separately. Lot's of hidden boyfriend agenda was happening on this block. So they were replaced with To do list guy and garage tv guy.