Monday, May 03, 2010

Choosing a Mate

On a freelance writer's forum last week, someone brought up the topic of how to talk to women on a dancefloor, as they were writing an article on the topic. The writer said that despite a lot of research, all they could find was trite stupid one-liners and gimmicks, but nothing substantial. Which, of course, led to the topic of how one meets a mate and how one makes themself attractive to a mate, especially men.

One young guy on the forum (who is a real sweetie) said, "It's really simple. You say 'I've got a job and I don't live with my parents.'" Of course, I had to laugh, because, well, he's got a point. But then that brought us around to how many people marry for reasons other than love. How many people are looking for a paycheck or safety, etc. Now mind you, security is not a bad thing, but I think it's bad if you marry someone who loves you and you ONLY marry them to take care of you. That's one-sided and bound to be a disappointment to your spouse over time.

I had a co-worker years ago that told me when she started dating a guy, she asked herself two things:

How would her furniture look in his house? and
If she died in a tragic plane crash would he dress their children stupid?

As a romance writer, clearly none of the above named reasons are enough for a reader to buy into the romance between hero and heroine, but I wonder if society's standards are so skewed, weird or simply low.

What do you think?

Deadly DeLeon


Zita said...

I think because love is so hard to define, a lot of people think they marry for love, but they really don't. Except that if they do think they are marrying for love, then their's is the opinion that counts, so they really are marrying for love. LOL. My point is, people's definitions of love vary...A LOT. Maybe financial security is love to some people. I agree with you about the one-sided kind of matches, however. Those never end well. Maybe we need full disclosure before marriage. A 200 word essay on your definition of love that you have to submit before vows can be exchanged =).

MsHellion said...

Dude, my standards are low for a reason. *LOL*

Helena Carlo said...

"if he would dress their children stupid." Ha, ha - that's likely to be the funniest thing I'll hear all day!
I only wanted to be sure the man I chose would be a good father to our babies if I met a tragic, early end. And he is.
I know of 2 women and 1 man who married someone to help them get U.S. residencies, and 1 person who married for money.
Funny enough, all of our marriages are still intact. Maybe sometimes people get together for the wrong reasons, but stay together for the right reasons.

TerriOsburn said...

I got nothing.

Anonymous said...

Love is missing someone even when she's in your arms, it's never secretly hoping that you might someday meet the women of your dreams - because you've already found her. Cheesy, but it's these two simple truths that make me happiest about my relationship.

Anonymous said...

And now to actually answer your question: I believe that insecurity is, unfortunately, a very powerful influence in drawing people together. It's an endemic problem for a society where quick fixes are often chosen over more difficult, albeit effective, solutions. Thankfully, blogs like your own may one day change that.