Wednesday, September 09, 2009

I Survived Girl Scout Camp 2009

I've blogged about this trip before, but in case you are new, let me sum up. Every year, I take my lovely G.S. troop camping over Labor Day weekend at the local G.S. camp. We've been doing this (sadistically) for six years.

Okay, back to the story...

This year we took a younger troop with us and they occupied the lodge while we took over the platform tents in the next site over. So I figured, Hell, this will be easy since the girls are in sixth grade now, right? Why, they will want to do all the cooking and cleaning, singing scout songs all the way...right?

Sixth Grade should be known as the Age of the Zombie Drama Queens. For example, seating arrangements just to get out there are extremely important. You don't want to sit, for the next 25 minutes, by just anybody.

Then there's the music. I thought the Jonas Bros. were pretty cool...I have them on my iPod to play for the girls in the car. I was wrong. Apparently the Jonas Bros. have a cool factor of zip with my girls. One of them made a playlist. It included every Taylor Swift song known to mankind. I tried not to suicidally steer my van into a big rig the whole way there. I'm like, totally serious.

Upon arrival, the girls decided they didn't want to schlep all the stuff they brought the 200 feet to their tents. Actually, I was surprised that most of the girls needed two suitcases. How long were we going to be here again? I looked at my one backpack and duffel and wondered.

Once we told them that if they didn't pick up their luggage and take it to their tents, the centipedes would lay eggs in their undies, they snatched the stuff up, rolling their eyes as they rolled their suitcases. Rolling suitcases? For camping?

On the bright side, the girls had already picked their tentmates, so that was a huge leap over two hour group freak-out with tears we had last year.

Once I got myself unpacked in the "Leader Tent" or as they called it "Geekville," I checked out what they were doing. I was shocked to find posters on the outside of the tents, posters inside the tents, and one enterprising Scout brought a lovely basket of potpourri. I didn't say anything...hoping an enterprising raccoon would do the talking for me later.

Potpourri. I know, right?

The evening went by without a hitch until after dinner and s'mores (the girls would make one for themselves, 32 for me). That's when one of them, trumpeted by heralds, informed us that she had broken her thumb. Of course, her parents had decided at the last minute to run off to Florida, leaving no one behind to deal with this, even though it's our one, hard and fast rule.

So, at 9:30 at night, one of my leaders decided to drive the girl to the Emergency Room and stay home that night. She looked really sad about it, but I suspected that leader was trying hard not to do backflips all the way to her van.

Once that was all done, I headed back toward our site, thinking of the accident report form I would have to fill out on this. Girl Scouts are all about the paperwork.

That's when one of the fifth grade girls stopped me.

"I just got my period for the first time." She said.

Well I didn't see that coming. My other co-leader and I kind of looked at each other blankly. Wow. I hadn't thought of that. These girls still strike me as little girls. We had nothing for this.

I took the girl down to the other campsite, praying silently that the leader of the younger troop, a troop to young to have this kind of thing happen, would have something. The gods were looking out for me. She did.

I stumbled awkwardly through an explanation to the girl but she just blinked. "My mom told me all about that stuff. I'm cool. I'm just worried about how she will handle it."

Did I mention the girl is 10?

Okay then, back to the campsite, where I was greeted by two other girls who informed me that "Broken Thumb's" (that would be her Navajo name if she had one) BFF was sobbing in her cabin. Great.

Upon arrival into the Potpourri tent, I found two girls laying on their bunks wailing as if I'd killed and eaten a puppy in front of them.

"I have nothing to say to you!" Said the BFF. "You wouldn't let me go to the Emergency room with my best friend! She needs me!"

"Yeah!" Sobbed girl number 2.

Two others from another tent were on hand to offer support. They nodded.

"I could just DIE! And you wouldn't care!" Cried the BFF.

"Well," I said. "You might as well die, then. I already have two accident reports to fill out. What's one more?"

The girls laughed at this. Talk about Mood Swings. I told them the two from the other cabin could sleep there that night.

That turned out to be a big mistake. I'd inadvertently put the two biggest troublemakers in the same tent.

No one slept that night. And I mean no one.

The "problem tent" partied all night, despite my repeated threats of dismemberment and duct tape. When I got up that morning. On the walk between my tent and the bathrooms - about 3 yards - every other girl managed to come up to me to complain.

So I killed them.

No, I didn't. But as a group we did come up with a suitable punishment. I won't give you the details but it involved the offenders being strapped to a target while the completely exhausted other girls fired arrows at them.

Wait, that was my fantasy. Scratch that.

Broken Thumb joined us later. She didn't have a broken thumb, just a contusion that became a "broken thumb" under article 357 of the Dramatic Diva guide.

By the end of the trip I was feeling very old. I also downloaded "Queen Bees and Wannabees" to my Kindle. I'd better get a jump on this diva thing.

The Assassin


Suzan Harden said...

ROFLMAO! I'm so sorry, Leslie. (And I'm really glad I have a boy.)

TerriOsburn said...

I'm trying very hard not to disturb my co-workers but it's not working. LMAO!!

My daughter started 5th grade yesterday. Heaven help me, she's already moody as hell and a total drama queen. Fingers crossed that period thing doesn't show up for a few more years.

I can't get over two suitcases and posters. Wha.....?

And be thankful it was Taylor and not Mylie. Seriously.

MsHellion said...

*ROTFLMAO* I think my favorite was the weeping girls in the tent...but it's really a toss up. *LOL*

I can totally see the need for two suitcases, but I like to plan for every contingency.

Hey! I like both Taylor and Mylie!

Leslie Langtry said...

Suzan, I have Webelos in the Woods this weekend with my son. Probably no drama, but I'm sure I'll be bringing home sticks longer than me. What's up with boys and sticks???

Leslie Langtry said...

It never, ever occurred to me I'd need feminine hygiene stuff. The bowl of potpourri was funny. The posters were hilarious. They kept asking me how they could tape them to the tent.

Leslie Langtry said...

Hellie, yes, and they were sobbing as if the world would end. Sooooo much drama. I don't remember that.

TerriOsburn said...

As funny as this blog is, I'd rather hang with little girls than little boys. LOL!

My kiddo keeps saying things like, "I'm a pre-teen now you know?" followed by my response, "No you're not, knock it off."

I expect my mother of the year plaque any day now.

MsHellion said...

Oh, I remember the weeping. Hell, I'm still crying. Drama, drama, drama. I had to work on getting a sense of humor just so I'd stop sniveling all the time.

You deserve an award...or at least a year's worth of free drinks at Yarbi's Pub and Grill

Leslie Langtry said...

I did skip my 25th year reunion for the camping trip. Although I'm not sure which is worse...

Kim said...

What the heck is wrong with Taylor? I love her!

I hope you took a bottle of rum on this trip. A really big bottle.

Damn, I'm glad I have a son.

TerriOsburn said...

Kim - I can't wait until the boy of yours brings home his first college girlfriend. Oh, to be a fly on the wall...

I did the 10 yr reunion and it was AWFUL. 20 yr would be next year and I'm thinking that will be skipped.

Leslie Langtry said...

Can't drink at Girl Scout camp. Or else there would've been some very bizarre results.

Terri, I've been to all of mine. And this was the one where I really had something to brag about since my first book came out after the last one. But strangely enough, I didn't miss it.

Brandy said...

I had to read the part about the Taylor Swift songs aloud to my husband and Daughter, they both cracked up. *G*

Gemma Halliday said...

You have no idea how much I look forward to the Girls Scout camp story every year. Thanks for not disappointing me. And reminding me why I never volunteer for kid stuff.


Gemma Halliday said...

What's up with boys and sticks???

I know!! My little guy has a whole collection of "cool sticks" in the garage. How he can tell that one stick is cooler than another, I have no idea.


catslady said...

I was a coleader for 3 years so I totally understand lol.

CarolynPrescott said...

Hilarious!! Thanks for the laugh.

Family Nutritionist said...

OMG. I've got Brownies. I'm happy if they don't roll around on the floor during the entire meeting.

I so totally can't wait until they are 10. I just read about a "no mean girls" patch program developed for the Colorado council

No Way R.A.

I am so totally there. And I'll have to remember to add some items to my first aid kit that aren't mentioned in SafetyWise.

iris said...

Oh man, this is too much! Enough trips lugging their stuff back and forth, they'll stop packing posters!