Sunday, June 21, 2009

Killer Pizza Guy

Those of you who've been reading my blog for years know that I used to be a corporate trainer and traveled all over the country. Now, traveling is an adventure in itself, and I collected many, many stories of frustration and blatant stupidity along the way. I think one of the most interesting things I found was the people that would say "Oh, wow, you get to see so many cool places." To which I replied "You know, the inside of the Hampton Inn pretty much looks the same everywhere."

It's not like I was on vacation. I was working. And believe me, after you've spent an entire day training the untrainable on software AND taking a rash of crap for all the things the salesman "promised" them the software would do and it doesn't, the last thing you're really interested in doing is the tourist thing. I used to laugh when I was in California. People would call and ask what I was doing. I would reply "It's 7:30 pm in California. I'm in bed." Hey, sometimes I was only in a city one night. Why try to adjust your internal time clock? So California 7:30 was 9:30 to me. Plenty late enough to be curled up in bed, the AC blasting, and reading a good book.

We had a great per diem to spend on food, and since I'm not one of those people who has a problem eating in a restaurant alone, sometimes I went out for dinner - just me and my Sony Reader. But more often, I picked up something on the way back to the hotel, knowing I was spent and wouldn't leave again once I'd hit my room and changed clothes. Some days were even worse - I didn't even want to stop on the way back to the hotel. On these nights, I opened the phone book and figured out who delivered.

So I was staying in Providence, RI and had had one of "those" days, so I headed back to the hotel and called for pizza delivery. Thirty minutes later, I got a call from the front desk, saying I needed to come downstairs and pick up my pizza. I said "can't you send him up?" They said "No, it was against the rules for anyone who wasn't staying at the hotel to go past the front desk."

Are you kidding me?

So I have to put on a bra and shoes and go hiking down to the lobby to meet the Killer Pizza Guy. I apologize, in front of the desk staff, for the stupid rule and making him wait, give him a great tip and then turn to the desk. I say "So were you afraid he was a serial killer, carrying a pizza, wearing a stupid pizza place uniform, with the pizza place sticker plastered all over his car, parked right in the middle of the drive?"

The manager said, "I'm sorry, m'aam, but that's the rules. We can't let anyone past the desk who's not a hotel guest."

So I said, "Really, well none of you were working when I checked in yesterday or when I left this morning, but you didn't even look up or acknowledge I'd entered the hotel when I strolled by about an hour ago. I guess if I'd been wearing a uniform that clearly indicated my purpose for being in the building, you would have asked me for ID then?"

Blank stares across the board. Really, do people not get how stupid they sound? If someone there would have said - "it's stupid, but they tell us we have to" then I would have agreed, commiserated with them for having to work for idiots, and gone about my bra-removing, pizza-eating business without even attempting to point out the fatal flaw in their logic.

I think I should start a movement. I'm going to start a petition requiring Common Sense 101 as a requirement for all high school educations.

The only problem is......the obvious lack of people qualified to teach it??????

Deadly DeLeon


Bookmobiler said...

.....the obvious lack of people qualified to teach it??????

Actually it might be the lack of people qualified to sign the petition.

The problem here isn't that the rule is necessarily stupid. The enforcement was.

But if they had had a security guard at the elevator checking ID you probably would have been annoyed too.

You are an author I like to read snd you have never, as far as I can remember, used that mystery/suspense cliche; the hero and/or villain making a delivery to gain entry.

Plenty of authors have.

Jana DeLeon said...

Actually, I would LOVE it if someone checked ID at the elevator. As a single female traveler, I'd love to see security everywhere moved up to a better level. Right now it IS a joke. And anyone who travels at all knows all the ways "around" the rules, so I'm guessing a criminal wouldn't have much trouble figuring it out either.

And even if someone used a delivery as an excuse to gain entry, I'm fairly certain none of my heroines would be foolish enough to open the door - not if they were aware they were in danger. :)

Christie Craig said...

Jana! LOL.

You're right, finding the person with enough common sense to teach the class would be hard.

Thanks for the chuckle.


terrio said...

I'm more offended they are running the hotel like some puritan dorm. Does that mean if you had brought a guy back to the room (not saying you would have but just a for instance) that they wouldn't have let him go because he wasn't staying at the hotel?

I'll sign the petition, but I'd never have the patience to teach it. Some people are so clueless, they can't be helped.

Dawn said...

I only stay at hotels where they allow pizza delivery. I ask when I make the reservation. Sure they think I'm strange, and they try to tell me all about their five star, overpriced restaurant, and I tell them I'm allergic to all food except pizza. That's normally when they claim to have made a mistake. "Sorry," they say, "but we have no vacancy." Yep. It's hard finding a good hotel these days.

Tori Lennox said...

The lack of common sense in the general populace drives me INSANE. Hand over that petition! I'll sign it!

Jana DeLeon said...

Christie - maybe the KillerFiction gals could start a side career. Hey, publishing's in the toilet right now.......

Jana DeLeon said...

terrio - You know, I hadn't thought about that. I guess if there's ever a next time, I'll claim that they have to send the pizza boy up because I have x-rated plans for the boy AND the pizza. :)

Jana DeLeon said...

Dawn - but it's so much FUN paying $24.95 for a burned hamburger, AND another $6.95 for the side of fries, AND $4.00/each for a coke.

Jana DeLeon said...

tori - I had a feeling you might be willing to sign. :)

Suzan Harden said...

Actually, they teach how to make stupid rules in MBA classes. I've run into so many Ivy league graduates who've never worked minimum wage in their life and have absolutley no clue how stupid their "innovative solutions" are.

In defense of the hotel staff, I've used the blank face technique myself. When you've heard a customer scream for the umpteenth time in the last hour about a rule you already know is stupid, nothing you say is going to make them feel better, and doing the common sense thing will get you fired...

terrio said...

You know, they sort of had a class like this in my original college stint. It was a music/video business program and someone had the bright idea to teach a problem solving course. We were given simple situations and had to come up with solutions to fix or get around the problem. Best dang class I ever took and I've always thought it should be mandatory in HS's.

Jana DeLeon said...

Suzan - you know, I've seen the fake blank look and the real one, and either those people need Oscars, or they really didn't get it. Writers tend to "study" human beings a lot - the way they talk/act, their body language and most of all, facial expressions. I swear, that by tone, I can actually tell you how someone looks from a phone call - as far as expression goes, anyway.

I certainly understand stupid rule syndrome, but if I don't make 'em, I don't defend 'em. Guess I don't expect other people to, either???

Jana DeLeon said...

terrio - that sounds like a great class!!! Do you still have the cirriculum? I'd love to read something along those lines.

I design courseware in my day job and lots of time good information comes from different sorts of sources.

Refhater said...

LOL, thanks for the laugh. I often have similar experiences with frustration and stupidity.

I have multiple food allergies and Celiac Disease. Often times we will go out to places that serve "breakfast" all day because eggs and most breakfast meats are Gluten free.

When the wait staff asks what kind of toast I'd like, I usually politely say "None, becuase I'm allergic to wheat." You'd be amazed how many of them respond back with, "Well, we do have white bread toast."

The sad part is where I live most of these wait staff are college students. Wheat bread and white bread are both made with WHEAT FLOUR but most of them apparently can't comprehend that concept.

Jana DeLeon said...

LOL ref - maybe they think it's made from rice!