Monday, October 15, 2007

Embarrassing Moments

Since I don’t want Christie to hog all the embarrassment glory, I thought I’d shared one of my less stellar moments with you today. This story still tickles me to the point of laughing until I cry because, well, quite frankly, it’s just as funny as it is embarrassing. Might as well laugh, right?

So the story goes like this – my husband is a body shop estimator. Basically, you wreck your car, he’s the guy that gets it fixed. He started a new job at a new dealership complete with new boss, and his new boss invited us over to his house to watch football. The new boss and his wife seemed all right so we ventured to their house for a Cowboys game.

New boss had built one of those custom homes in a fairly exclusive area of a nice suburb around Dallas. It was probably 4k or so square feet, vaulted ceilings, stone countertops, huge spiral staircase, etc. All the fixins’ of a fancier home. They had just moved in a month ago.

Their media room was upstairs, so we grabbed some drinks/snacks and headed upstairs for the football watching part. At halftime, we decided to venture back down for refills. Now this was a night game, so the house wasn’t lit up by sunlight. And downstairs the only lights on were in the kitchen so the huge spiral staircase was dimly lit.

Now, the entryway at the bottom of the stairs was all hardwood floor, and the builder of the house had talked New Boss into paying $800 for what he called a “designer step” – meaning the last step of the spiral staircase was the same hardwood as the floor at the bottom rather than carpeted like the rest of the stairs. Well, this is a wonderful thought, except that in dim light that last step blends in with the entryway floor.

Yeah, you see it coming, don’t you? So I take one large step onto what I think is the entryway floor and clip that last step with the back of my heel. Not good. I loose my balance and reach back to grab the railing to try and recover. I succeed only in grabbing a wrought iron spindle from the stairs and literally wrenched the entire thing out of the railing.

So I’m flinging to the ground, rolling with a wrought iron weapon as I fall. It must have been a glorious sight. I finally tumble to a stop against the entryway wall, still clutching a (supposedly permanent) piece of their brand-new house. New Boss’s wife was horrified that I had killed myself – hell, everyone was horrified until I started laughing. I couldn’t help it. I had single-handedly torn up their home in one disastrous step.

Once New Boss decided I was going to live, he went off in a tirade about the step. It went something like this:

“GD designer step. F’ing builder talked me into paying for that s*%$! $800 and you’re the third person who’s fallen off it. When I see him again, I’m shoving that entire last step right up his ____!”

Well, you get the idea.

- Deadly (to stair spindles) DeLeon

39 comments:

Wendy Roberts said...

ROFLMAO!! Too funny, Jana. I'm wondering if boss ever had that last step removed/replaced or lit it up with track lighting like on an airplane *snort*

Jana DeLeon said...

LOL Wendy - he did also threaten to paint it "deer-hunting orange."

Christie Craig said...

Jana,

You had me laughing . . . a really good laugh too!

I can so see that happening to me. And I just know that it will appear some where, at some time, in one of your books.

Great post!

Jenyfer Matthews said...

OMG - poor you!! I'd love to see what the boss does to the builder next time he sees him!!

Jana DeLeon said...

Hi Christie - Well, I didn't want you standing red-faced and alone. :)

Jana DeLeon said...

Jenyfer - I'm not sure what happened. Hubby doesn't work there any longer so there was no follow through. But I'm fairly certain whatever happened had to be surgically taken care of afterwards. :)

Jenyfer Matthews said...

Goes to show that they don't build houses like they used to!!!

Jana DeLeon said...

Jenyfer - You're definitely right on that count. They have pretty packages but they just won't be around like those houses built in the 1800's and early 1900's.

Stacy S said...

Sorry, but that's funny! That would so be me.

Faye Hughes said...

LOL, Jana! That sounds like the kind of thing that happens to me. In fact, it did sort of happen to me, just the other day. It wasn't a misstep, so much as it was a trip over a chair when I was leaving the office of a school district.

You see, I'd put on my sunglasses so I looked chic and sophisticated, but I can't see indoors when I'm wearing them and, well, that freaking chair jumped out and deliberately tripped me. (That's my story, anyway.)

faye

Jana DeLeon said...

Stacy - part of me (mostly the bottom part) wishes it HAD been you. :)

Jana DeLeon said...

LOL Faye - well, I guess you looked chic while tripping?????

Jenyfer Matthews said...

Actually, couldn't you just see Chevy Chase or Jim Carey doing this maneuver in a movie??

Nathalie said...

So funny... thanx for the good laugh!!

Estella said...

Too funny!

Lila n. said...

800$ on a step... not cushionned and safe... you should sue the contractor!!!

Sassy Sistah said...

Jana, I'm really sorry you fell - but the story WAS funny! I'm glad you weren't seriously injured though. I'd bet that boss went with the "hunger orange." Just a guess.

I did something equally embarrassing last week at work. I was on the elevator and it stopped at the floor where I needed to get off. I stepped out of the elevator, not noticing that the damn thing had stopped about 2-3 inches BELOW floor level. Of course, my shoe caught on the "overlap" and my big butt (and the rest of me) hit the floor. Busted up my shoulder and neck a little bit - but nothing that won't heal.

And of course - there were about a gazillion people standing around and saw it happen. I was SO embarrassed. And now everybody (well, not EVERYBODY - but some people) are giving me the "evil eye" for screwing up our Department's perfect safety record. Oh, well. I couldn't help it. Screw 'em, I say. That dadblamed elevator had been malfunctioning (from what I was told) for at least 24 hours - and nobody had reported it. And they should have - they really, really should have reported it.

Lily said...

Very funny... poor shoes!

catslady said...

Thanks for the laugh out loud.

Jana DeLeon said...

Jenyfer - well Chevy might break at hip at his age now, and JC would probably poke out his own eye, but either would probably be funny (since I don't really like either of them). God, I'm mean this morning. :)

Jana DeLeon said...

Glad I could accomodate you, Nathalie!

Jana DeLeon said...

Hi estella! Glad you enjoyed my story!

Jana DeLeon said...

Lila - yeah, I'm not sure where common sense went on that one. I'd have had words with my contractor too!

Jana DeLeon said...

Oh, sassy, I'm so sorry to hear you fell! I hope you get back to normal soon. And to hell with those people who are worried about the safety record when it's the company's (or building owners) fault for not getting it fixed. If you were a less ethical person, you could probably own that elevator by next month. :)

Jana DeLeon said...

Hi lily - glad you enjoyed it!

Jana DeLeon said...

Glad I could help you out, catslady! I love to make people laugh - at my own expense or not. :)

Kathy Bacus said...

Been there, done that, Jana. One of my earliest embarrassing moments was back in high school. I was in a job program that partnered high school business students with employers. I worked for our county attorney. We had a formal banquet--my first long dress affair--and I bought a mauvey pink dress with a large lace cream bodice with a high collar. The night turned out a disaster. I hooked a heel on the narrow steps and fell down the stairs, bruising my butt big-time. During the appetizers, I grabbed a meatball with a toothpick, put it to my lips, and it fell, caught for a moment on the cream ruffle at the top of my dress, then made its way down the length of my dress front, leaving a bright red trail of sauce in its wake.

This also happened to Tressa Jayne at a wedding once. Purely by coincidence, you understand. :)

~Bullet Hole~

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