Wednesday, October 03, 2007

The Chimp in the Grey Flannel Suit

I loved yesterday's blog. Maybe that's why I'm so late in posting today - because I want you to enjoy it THAT much more. Actually, it's an excuse for forgetting it was Wednesday - which also means I didn't get the garbage out again. Damn.

I was at the Yarn Shoppe today and heard some of the women talking about being afraid of clowns. My ex-brother-in-law was afraid of clowns. He had a great t-shirt that said, "Can't sleep...clowns will eat me..." I'm not afraid of clowns. I'm kind of partial to them actually. I think my biggest fear is of losing my sense of humor. That would totally suck.

I don't really have a fear of anything like spiders, bats, mice or such. Actually, the closest I come is my loathing of seeing monkeys dressed in human clothes. Now, I'm not exactly sure why that is. But seeing chimps in suits has that nails-on-a-blackboard feeling. For years, I had (sick, twisted) co-workers who loved to wallpaper my cubicle walls with photos of primates in pants. This was almost always followed with involuntary dry-heaving and threats of some sort of discrimination charges (although I never could find a good one. Evolutionary discrimination perhaps?).

My grandmother hated monkeys. She always said they were dirty, filthy creatures. Of course I knew it had to do with an unfortunate trip to the local zoo where monkeys gleefully lobbed excrement at shocked, Midwestern onlookers.

I don't dislike monkeys. I'm a huge animal lover - primates included. But for some reason I just can't stand to look at an ape in haute couture. (Of course, that's probably just envy on my part.)

I'd love to hear your theories on why this is. Give me a good enough suggestion and I'll throw it in one of my books (with credit to you, of course!).

Yours Truly
The Assassin


Enchanted by Books said...

Hi Leslie!

I sent Christie a special pic for you! LOL

I can't think of a reason why you cringe at monkeys in clothes. I think it's hilarious! But here are some possible reasons why:

1. We're jealous that monkeys can mis and match their colors and not get critisized.

2. We're jealous of their sexy shape. No matter what they wear they look damn sexy.

3. They never shave their legs or pits when they wear a dress and their boyfriends love them anyway.

4. We're jealous that even though they dress like us they go all Britney Spears and don't wear panties with their dresses.

5. We're jealous that all the designers are picking monkeys for their fashion shows instead of people. After all they're not picky and will model anything.

6. We wish we could fling poop at people that we don't lik and get away with it too.

Jenyfer Matthews said...

I blame all those horrible "Any Which Way" Clint Eastwood movies...

Jenyfer Matthews said...

"They never shave their legs or pits when they wear a dress and their boyfriends love them anyway."

LOVE this reason!!

Minna said...

I can't stand seeing any animals in clothes, monkeys included. They have hair. Why would you need clothes if you have all that hair?

Christie Craig said...

Okay...I'm really laughing here Leslie. Not only at your phobia(yeh, it's a bad as zoo-phobia)but also at all these girl's reason for said phobia. Now...I think they very may have figured out the reasons for your shortcoming.

Crime Scene Christie

Christie Craig said...

Oh, I especially like the one that says we are jealous because we can't sling "poo" at people we don't like.

Crime Scene Christie

Leslie Langtry said...

I think you guys hit the proverbial monkey on the head - so to speak. And I just saw the Arby's commercial with the chimps Irish step-dancing. At least they aren't in costume.


ReadingIsSoMuchFun said...

Hello Leslie,

This was a good post. I can't think of the reason why though. I did like what Rachael has posted. My favorite is 6. We wish we could fling poop at people that we don't lik and get away with it too. That is funny LoL


Estella said...

I don't like to see any animals in clothing. They have fur and such to cover them.

Enchanted by Books said...

Hey maybe they have feelings too? You know? Maybe they have their fat days and don't want to be running around naked for all to see? We get clothes to cover our imperfections! Let the poor little monkeys hide their big asses and cellulite too! LOL

Lily said...

That post was ultra funny and rachael's was even funnier... in a suit that would be funny!!

Anonymous said...

Once I went at a friend's and her lizard was clothed... such a horrible sight, I was disgusted and never returned there.

Nathalie said...

Great post and I liked the: they don' shave and their boyfriend still loves them!!! So hilarious, what an imagination :)

Caffey said...

I have to smile! When I read that about the garbage, because my son is away at college (yeah for scholarships!) but he always took out the trash Thursday nights. So I'm glad I stopped by here tonight cuz now I remember to tell hubby to do it after forgetting two weeks in a row now. LOL

On the fears, did you watch KING KONG as a child?
I remember being terrified of the movie BIRDS. Does anyone remember that one? I still can picture some scenes. Maybe it was some other movie with a monkey you saw as a child and only feel the being scare but not which one? Maybe ask family if you watched any then?

I'm glad Linda (readingissomuchfun) sent me to this blog! Its been fun reading here too.

Enchanted by Books said...

I'm glad my theories gave you a chuckle. :)