Sunday, October 14, 2007

Mirror, Mirror on the wall; I am "that girl" after all

The girl who gets killed first in [insert scary movie title here]:
This Hollywood convention is the main reason I don’t watch scary movies at the theatre anymore. I can’t stop myself from yelling at the screen when the dumb buxom bimbo hears an obviously dangerous sound and decides that is the perfect opportunity to play junior detective.

Last night I was frightened awake from a deep sleep by the sound of glass breaking. Did I hit the panic button on our alarm system so they could alert the proper authorities? No. Did I dial 911 from the cell phone on the nightstand ½ a foot away so the skilled professionals from the police department could come investigate? No. I decided to investigate myself. I’m a decent shot so did I retrieve a firearm for protection? No. I grabbed my kid’s foam decorative baseball bat. To make matters even worse, I was wearing a tank top and boxer shorts, the “rape me, torture me, kill me” uniform.

As it turns out, in the battle against french door vs. drunken midnight golfer my door lost.

The girls from the Yaz commercial:
I hate hate hate watching any personal feminine product commercial that shows 2-4 women out having a good time and carrying on a conversation about said product. Never not once ever have I been trying on a pair of killer stilettos or having a big salad at an outdoor bistro or playing volleyball on the beach and thought "I wonder if Katie feels not so fresh. Let me ask her about this intimate detail right now!" Until recently.

Two friends and I were having drinks a couple of nights ago. It was one of those rare nights when we all looked great: our hair cooperated, our fashion coordinated. There was good live music and lots of fun people to meet. But we three were sitting at the table wholly engaged in a conversation about…you guessed it PMDD and Yaz birth control. I don't know how it got started. I don't know how long we were talking about it before I got the "weirdos" eye from a guy within ear shot. But lemme tell you, it wasn't just a few passing thoughts, it was an animated, dynamic, drawn out conversation.

Every time I see that commercial I yell at the television “Who does that? Who gets all dressed up, looks great, goes out and sits down over cocktails to talk about PMS and birth control. WHO DOES THAT?!?" Now, sadly, the answer is: me.

An Aniston movie? Seriously?:
Him (calm): If you wanted me to go to the PTA meeting then why, when I asked, didn’t you just say so?

Me (irrationally raising my voice): Because I didn’t want you to go to the PTA meeting. I wanted you to want to go to the PTA meeting.

Him (still calm, of course): Who wants to go to a PTA meeting?

Two hours later I was folding laundry and watching The Breakup despite hating any and every Aniston movie because I wanted to feel worse, I guess, and she says almost the exact same thing about dishes. I threw a pair of rolled socks at the television.

I'm not alone. You all know you’ve done it - that thing, whatever it is, that you despise in others. At what moments in your life have you been “that girl”?


Nathalie said...

Very funny post... I am not sure but I love to talk very loudly in public and almost yell to my friends acrosss a store and I know how much that bothers me when someone else does it!!

Lily said...

Loved it when you talked about the Yaz commercial where a super stylish doctor :) tells her friends to go buy the pill... BLABLA...

Yet I don't like to talk pills and medicine when I eat (especially when it is in realtion with the GI sphere...) and once in a trendy restaurant... we began to talk about some stuff - on the disgusting side... now that I recall the incident!! and the people at the next table where starring at us... so we at last changed the subject to something more correct... purulent abcesses!!!

Estella said...

I can't remember ever talking about birth control or feminine products in public. It just wasn't done.
I did grab a gun when someone tried to break into my house. We went to court and the defendants lawyer went after me about the gun. Did I know how to use it, was it loaded,did I know where the safety was, etc. I grew up in the country where everyone learned about guns and to shoot.

Christie Craig said...


LOL! Loved the post. You are so right, we all become that girl at some point or another. I said I wouldn't ever scream those deep "the world is coming to an end" screams in labor and scare the bejeevies out of the other women in Labor and Delivery whose time hadn't arrived yet, and yet when my time came I didn't give a flip what those other women heard.

There was a day when I thought some subjects weren't meant to be discussed in public, but now I have found myself talking about tampons, PMS, mammograms, sex, and the sad shape of my husband's underwear all in the same lunch.

I think the lesson here is...Never say never.

Crime Scene Christie

Lucy said...

Funny post. I loved that instead of using the life-saving resources at your finger tips, you grabbed a foam baseball bat. No offense but yes, you would be the first killed in a slasher movie. LOL

I know I've been that girl (probably a lot) but at the moment, I'm drawing a blank as to what to share here. If I think of something, I'll come back and post again.

Again, loved the post. :-)

Meljprincess said...

When I gossip!

Jenyfer Matthews said...

I totally identify with the Jennifer Aniston moment - when you want your S.O. to *want* to do something that you want them to do, not just ask them to do it....

(that was actually a tough sentence to type, LOL!)