Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Embarrassing Moments




We all have them. Yeah, I know . . . some of us are smarter and don’t post them on the Internet so everyone and their gerbil can read about them. But that’s the problem with being a writer. We have this compulsive need to tell and share our stories. And as you may have noted over the past weeks by reading my blogs, I don’t always paint myself in the best light in these posts. Nope, I write about the cold, hard truth and sometimes (as my grandpa would say) “The doggone truth ain’t always purty.”

It’s not just me. All the Divas here at Killer Fiction have shared some . . . let’s call it personal insight about themselves . . . things that a normal non-writer might have felt obliged to keep to herself. But not so with your average author—if we live it, if it makes us feel, think, if it tickled our funny bones, ticked us off, or bored us silly, we must . . . MUST share said experience with the world.

So, I was thinking about what personal incident I wanted to share with you this week. Okay, it’s not like last week’s elephant story wasn’t humiliating enough, but hey…there are plenty more where that came from.

And the one that popped into my mind? The time I was on the way to the hospital to give birth to my son. Hubby and daughter hadn’t had lunch so hubby got this fine idea to pull over at a Burger King drive thru. (In case you haven’t noticed by now, Hubby’s fine ideas don’t always work out.) Luck would have it that as the exact moment the nose-pierced teenager peered at us through the window, I had the sudden urge to push. Now, I don’t know how many of you have had a baby, but let me tell you, when you push, there’s also this overwhelming need to . . . scream. Not those nice sweet ladylike screams either. I mean, it sounds like something from the prehistoric ages giving Mother Nature a come to Jesus talk.

Needless to say, all my efforts (the scream and the push) didn’t go unrewarded. Because that’s when my water broke. Or a better description would be . . . when my water burst. Beneath the ear piercing sound of my own scream, I heard the nose-pierced window attendant say over the loud speaker, “Well, hells bells, I’ll be dadburn it if she ain’t having a baby.” (Hey, I was in Tomball, Texas.)

Anyway, when I looked up, a complete 20-second contraction later, I saw a human pyramid, ten to fifteen bodies stacked on top of each other, stuffed into a space that only could fit two or three normal-sized nose-pierced attendants, all eyes and nose jewelry winking at me from behind the glass window of the drive thru.

My sweet, dear husband, knowing I was awfully embarrassed immediately took control. He reached for my hand and cleared his throat. Then in a very calm voice he inquired if they could put a rush on those whoppers and then (this is when things went downhill) he commenced to add a couple of milk shakes to the order, asked if they could leave off the onions, and then looking at the wet seat, politely requested a couple of extra napkins.

Are you at all surprised that less than a year later, I sent my dear, sweet husband in for a vasectomy—no pain meds required.

Anyway, I’m going to skip the vasectomy portion of this story and save myself the embarrassment until the next blog. Meanwhile, here’s what I like for all you to do. Step up to the plate, pretend you’re a writer, or maybe you are a writer, either way, I want you to share some of your embarrassing moments. (Who knows, they might even show up in one of our books.)

It simply isn’t fair for the Killer Fiction Divas to have all the fun.

And remember the contest, guys. I’m so jealous I can’t win Kathy’s prize that I could scream. Of course, it would be much more of a ladylike scream than the one I gave the Burger King employees.

Crime Scene Christie

57 comments:

Jana DeLeon said...

OMG, Christie, and you're still married to him???? Next week, I want a laundry list of the things you've done all these years to punish him. :)

And in keeping with your humiliate the writer theme, I'll be happy to blog next week about one of my more recent embarrassing moments. It still makes me laugh.

Christie Craig said...

Jana,

I think I need to post all the reasons I'm still married to him! :-) Believe it or not, he is a keeper. The fact that he sort of knows I tell all dirty little secrets and hasn't filed for divorce yet is one of them. And frankly, blogging is one way of getting even.
And yes...I'd love to hear your most embarrassing moment. I can't wait until next week!

Crime Scene Christie

Jenyfer Matthews said...

You really have had a colorful life, haven't you??

Not sure that anything I have experienced has even come close. The thing that springs to mind first is the time I was walking across the Kmart parking lot with the back of my skirt tucked into my pantyhose. Yes, it does happen in real life...

Christie Craig said...

Jenyfer,

Oh goodness...you poor girl. I'm blushing for you. I haven't had the pantyhose situation...yet, but my mom has a serious problem with those paper toilet seat protectors. Think square dancing with one flapping with the skirt.

Crime Scene Christie

Thanks Jenyfer for sharing. You gave me laugh!

Jenyfer Matthews said...

I'm just glad someone told me before I got into the store!!!

By the way, it occurs to me as a writer one of my favorite things to do is to store away all the embarrassing stories OTHER people tell me about for use later...gotta watch what you tell a writer!

Christie Craig said...

Yep.

Sometimes we change the names to protect the innocent. Sometimes....

Crime Scene Christie

Colleen Thompson said...

ROFL, Christie! I almost feel sorry for you DH. He can't get by with anything without it being shared.

Of course, stories like this one could be used as proof he has it coming. :)

Christie Craig said...

Colleen,

Thanks for posting girl. Heck,I even feel sorry for my hubby on occasion. I mean...think about this...if he hadn't done any of these thing I wouldn't have anything to blog about.

Crime Scene Christie

Jo Anne said...

Christie's Steve is a keeper. He is one of the most supportive men I know. Christie and Steve are a pair - they create joy and humor in each other's lives each day.

A good thing - even if it does create scenes like this. Never heard this one, girl. Too funny!

Christie Craig said...

Jo Anne,

Thanks for posting girl. Yep, my hubby is a keeper . . . even we do constantly get into situations. And he thinks highly of you as well.

Crime Scene Christie

Gemma Halliday said...

OMG, I must meet this husband of yours sometime, Christie! What a riot!

And, as to my embarrassing situations... well, I think I've pretty well shared enough already. ;)

~Gemma

Nita Craft said...

Christie love,
That's a new one for me. I am so glad you have embarrassing moments cause it keeps the laughter alive. It's great that DH gives you so much material to work with.

Diana Groe said...

Christie,

Three cheers for keeper husbands. Since I embarrass mine often, he's definitely a keeper. He usually comes with me to RT to carry and fetch and generally help me. Last year, he flew to Boston mid-week for a job interview and left me to my own devices. Somehow I ended up in an elevator full of Elora's Cavemen and a comment about needing to "go down" that I didn't fully think through just sort of popped out of my mouth.

My DH has decided not to leave me alone at conference again. What would we do without these wonderful men?

Christie Craig said...

Gemma,

The thing that is different from me sharing my MEMs and you sharing your MEMs is that I've got a legal document binding my husband to me, your dates . . . if they learn about your blogging adventures, well, let's say I can see this hurting your dating life. :-)

Thanks for posting.

Crime Scene Christie

Christie Craig said...

Nita,

When I run out of material, I'm planning on using your husband's stories.

Crime Scene Christie

Christie Craig said...

Diana,

Okay...I love elevator stories!! And I can so see this happening. And you are so right, the keeper husbands are a riot.

Crime Scene Christie

Tori Lennox said...

OMG!!! I think I'd have had to kill him. Just a little. *g*

Lucy said...

Your husband stopped for food when you were in labor??? Ooooookay. LOL

I was trying to think of an embarrassing moment and someone kind of helped me out there. I've been a member of the Weight Watchers at work for almost two years now and probably about a year or so ago it was weigh in day and I guess I wasn't where I wanted to be so the director suggested I take off my "jacket" and re-weigh. Thing was, it wasn't a jacket...it was like the top of the outfit. But they still talked me into taking it off (no idea how they did that) and one person stood at each door (which had a window) and stood guard. However, as soon as I stepped off the scale, they stepped away...even though I was still "topless"! Well, the door flung open and people were walking by so I hurriedly put back on my shirt. I hadn't planned on staying for the meeting but they talked me into that too (really, I'm not easy) and so I went and got my lunch and stayed for the one hour meeting. Afterwards I came back to my office and worked for an hour or two before I needed to use the restroom. It was then that I saw myself for the first time since my stripping for weigh in.

I hadn't buttoned myself up properly. And NO ONE TOLD ME! I had been walking around since lunch buttoned wrong (because I'd done so hastily) and no one said a thing.

And THAT is why (or at least one reason why) I make it a hard-fast rule NEVER to strip at work!!! ;-)

Faye Hughes said...

Oh, yeah. I can just hear the BK attendants talking about THAT day. LOL.

My most embarassing moment? Hmm...where should I start? LOL. I have trouble telling the difference between navy blue and black, especially in department stores. So, when I bought this gorgeous black jacket on sale just in time for National this past year, I was so jazzed. I planned my wardrobe for five days around that jacket. So...there I was...all dressed up with my black pants, my green top and my black jacket. I said to my roommates (one of whom was Christie), "Hey, guys, what do you think of my new black jacket?" (Did I mention that I was, like, SO PROUD of the great deal I'd gotten?)

Christie started to laugh and, well...let's just say that I'm awfully glad I brought a beige jacket with me.

Faye

Estella said...

Too funny.
Your life sounds like a book.

Christie Craig said...

Tori,

Thanks for posting girl. I did want to kill him... a little bit.

Crime Scene Christie

Christie Craig said...

Lucy,

As a Weight Watcher member, I'm really getting a good laugh here. But you know...I can totally relate to taking off anything if it makes the scales say what we want it to!!!

Go Lucy. And good luck and be careful with those points.

Crime Scene Christie

Christie Craig said...

Faye is so nice. Actually what I told her was..."Your black jacket?" Hmmm.... I don't know but when you take off that navy thing you got on, and put on the black, I'll give you my opinion."

She...she's blind a bat.

Crime Scene Christie

Christie Craig said...

Estella,

The sad thing is that I don't ever see these things as funny until a couple of years later.

Thanks for posting.

Crime Scene Christie

Lucy said...

Well to add to the story...today was weigh-in day and I decided to take off my slip (it weighs four-tenths of a pound, in case anyone wondered). I took it off in the restroom but didn't count on anyone being outside the restroom door when I came out...holding my slip. I don't think they noticed but now I'm thinking the no stripping rule might should apply to slips too.

Christie Craig said...

Lucy,

I wear the same thing every week. I don't care if they think I'm poor and can't afford another outfit. It's the lightest thing I have.

Crime Scene Christie

Lily said...

I loved your post. Trust me... this is nothing... all women do it... Trust me! I was working in Obstetrics for three weeks in my clerkship rotations and I have seen worse :) much worse! and it seems you did not have an epidural.

Lucy said...

I used to wear the same thing every week too but I mix it up some now.

lila n. said...

I like the... and you are still married to him!! I really don;t know how someone can have a lot of babies - aka Marie Osmond on Dnacing with the Stars... 8 , imagine now the embarrassment! Anyway, I am sure you will tell one day to your kids that it a very peaceful and graceful delivery and they came out looking like angels :)

Christie Craig said...

Lucy,

I was in and out of hospital with my son's pregnancy. I would hear the women screaming and I swore, swore that I wasnt' going to scream like that. But darn if I didn't belt out a few really good ones, both at Burger King and at hospital. And no...I was too late for an epidural. And I did some serious begging for it, and a little unladylike screaming too, but nope, they wouldn't do it. I got to the hospital at 1:45 and he was born at 3:00.

Christie Craig said...

Lucy,

What's bad is when you go shopping with your scale. Yeah...I may have done that.

Crime Scene Christie

Christie Craig said...

Okay...that last post was for Lily

Too mamy L names. ;-)

Crime Scene Christie

Christie Craig said...

Lila,

I swear, he really is keeper most of the time. And as for telling those kids it was peaceful and lovely...? Are you crazy? You tell them how terribly painful it was and you do it right before Mother's Day so they'll get you something good. ;-)

Crime Scene Christie

Bethany True said...

Not embarrassing but a labor and delivery/"Wow...just wow" dear (dumb?) husband moment.

My son had ill timing on being born. He was born on the Wednesday that the first Lord of the Rings came out. My husband is a HUGE Tolkien fan, probably the biggest and had for a year been looking forward to the movie.

I had a looooooong labor (that eventually ended up with a C-section). He had been antsy all day. Even asked if he could go "take a shower" at home that night if the baby came around noonish. Well, noon came and went and at about 3 in the afternoon (12 hours into my labor) my husband asked the nurse attending "Do you think this is going to take a while?" and "Can't you tell how much longer we've got?"

I was incensed.

"Are you SERIOUSLY trying to gauge whether you have time to see a movie BEFORE your FIRST BORN CHILD is delivered."

He turned stop sign red but denied it and said he just wanted to know if he had time to grab a sandwich.

Riiiiiiight.

Lily said...

You are right, you can't have the epidural... you must have come to the hospital almost completely dilated... OMG... imagine giving birth in a Burger King... that wouyld have been embarrassing.

Anyway, once, and it was the first delivery I assisted on, the woman had such a high voice that I thought I would 1) die on the spot from a heart attack or 2) lose my hearing forever or 3)at least perforate my ear-drum!! So I went home and asked around if everyone yells that much... and the majority said no... if they have a proper anesthesia... which you did not have poor you ;)

Christie Craig said...

Bethany,

He probably just wanted to run through a drive thru at Burger King!

Okay...you know hunger does beat out seeing a flick. :-)

Crime Scene Christie

Christie Craig said...

Lily,

One question. If you work in labor & delivery, do you plan to have kids someday?

Crime Scene Christie

Lily said...

Actually I don't work there... I do rotations... big difference! and I have not yet chosen what medical speciality I want to continue in... though all gynecologists have children (the majority of them) and they find it really normal, though a bit painful for the ear-drums... or when the amniotic fluid just cascades on your scrub... that is just horrible and smelly... sorry ladies but it is a very hateful thing to do to the medical staff!!

RachaelfromNJ said...

Shoot! I missed out on the contest for an ARC of Unlucky! Christie I loved your post. Very funny as usual! :)

Ms Terry in Gadsden said...

Chrisite has always kept me in stitches.

I sat here trying to think of a story and remembering all the ones of hers that i have read over the years. I have a hard time coming up with my own.

I cant wait to see next weeks post .... thanks Christie

Terry

catslady said...

Since we're involving husbands - 38 yrs. ago I'm waiting in the back of the church of 100 people with no groom - he comes in 15-30 min. late and in his booming voice announces to the whole church that he ran out of gas so I end up walking down the aisle while everyone is laughing there heads off. The background to this story is the night before I reminded him to get gas (yeah he still doesn't listen to me). Well he had just bought this new english sports car and not realizing he ran out of gas ended up with his best man pushing it down the street in his tux. The gas station attendant is saying he has no idea how to fix a foreign car while this little kid yells out - hey mister, does it have gas. From the months of babes!

catslady said...

oops I meant mouths of course - hahaha how embarrassing lol.

Jenyfer Matthews said...

Ha ha - all those labor stories reminds me of my first baby. They asked me if it was okay for a nurse-in-training to stand in and watch. I was so far into it I didn't care who was there (no epidural for me either) In the end, they had to vacuum my baby girl out because her elbow was up next to her head. After the fact, I look up and that nurse-in-training was standing against the wall across from me (prime view), hands over her mouth, eyes huge. It was the first birth she'd watched and she was amazed. Kind of funny to look up and see someone looking like that!

Christie Craig said...

Lily,

Okay, I'll admit I wouldn't want to work in Labor & Delivery. Reconstructive surgery is much better. And I don't anyone will deny it, nothing is meaning than a woman in labor!! But hey...we have good reasons...this is PMS at its best.

Crime Scene Christie

Christie Craig said...

Rachael,

Hey, thanks for stopping in. Come back often so you don't miss anything.

Crime Scene Christie

Christie Craig said...

Catslady,

Okay...thanks for the chuckle. You have to watch out for guys who like English sportcars. My husband has a Triumph TR4.

Crime Scene Christie

Christie Craig said...

Jenyfer,

LOL. A friend of mine was present during her daughter's birth and she told me..."You know, as bad as it was to be on the one in labor, it's almost as bad to be the one watching the labor. Not pretty!

Crime Scene Christie

Christie Craig said...

Terry,

Thanks for popping in. Terry and I were best buddies way back when. Funny thing is that back then we were both the quiet girls. I don't think either of us is very quite now. :-)

Crime Scene Christie

Faye Hughes said...

The Quiet Girls? Oh, that'll take some imagination on my part to envision that. LOL.

Faye, ducking

Anonymous said...

Hi, Christie!

I love reading your blog. Is that picture from your book video? I think it is so cute. I can't wait to read your book.

Jenna

Christie Craig said...

Faye...

You can't duck that fast ... so don't try.

Crime Scene Christie

Christie Craig said...

Jenna,

Yes...that's the picture from my blog. I love it, too.

Crime Scene Christie

Brenda H said...

MEM for me had to be the day one of my 3rd graders took a shiny, square, foil package from his desk, during lunch and was telling some of the other students he could blow it up like a balloon during recess. This caught my attention and I asked the child to join me in the hallway along with the package. Oh it gets better - the student happened to be the pricipals son! The principal just laughed and says "We haven't needed those for years, I wonder where he found it." I'm thinking TMI - to much information and so not my problem. I leave the student with his father - the principal - thinking the matter is taken care of and head back to my room. Said student returns to the room and very loudly annonces to the rest of the class - Hey! that thing is so mom's don't have babies. Here I had kept everything quite so as not the embarass the child and he proceded to tell the whole class and all the other classes what I had tried so hard to cover up. I was truely embarassed and to this day my "balloon" still story comes up during staff meetings.

Christie Craig said...

Brenda,

LOL. Okay...I can see how the whole balloon situation could have caused you to cringe. Being that boy was the principal's son didn't help. I can imagine that school teachers always get some very interesting info from the homefront.

I cringe to think about what my son told. He was, and still is, the no-secret kind of kid.

Crime Scene Christie

catslady said...

It was a TR6 and we had it until we hitched a trailer to it and traveled from Mississippi to Pennsylvania when he was in the service lol.

Christie Craig said...

Catslady,

Okay...I think my hubby wins the English car addiction award. The TR4 was his first car and it's still in the garage, running and looking pretty good. My son inherited his lust for English cars and has a Spitfire. I admit, I worry. If the house was on fire, would he help me out or the run to the save the car. 

Crime Scene Christie

Nathalie said...

Reconstructive surgery... much better! I ma sure there is also a lot of embarrassing moments there too!