Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Leslie Langtry: Menace to Society


I have discovered a talent for injuring others this weekend. The Curse Of Leslie, my kids affectionately dubbed it. Here's what happened.


Friday: 7:40am


Okay, so I started off the day with a bang by yelling at my son's teacher. Now, I don't make a habit of chewing out teachers - I'm a teacher's kid. I ALWAYS side with the teacher, like parents did in the '60's. But this was bad. I'm not going to go into it here because I make Linda Blair's performance look underwhelming whenever I think about it. Suffice it to say, the teacher was way out of line and bullying Jack because, although he spelled the word "hospital" correctly, she didn't like the way he wrote "p."


So, I went up before school started and told his teacher I didn't like her yelling at my son in front of the whole class over handwriting. She denied it (I have a host of cub scout spies to prove it) and - get this - ROLLED HER EYES AT ME. It is an understatement to say I blew up. I left the school that morning, wearing her severed head as a jaunty hat. Alright, I'm speaking figuratively here.


When I got home that night, Jack informed me that I made his teacher cry. She told the whole class that she was emotionally upset and had to go home. The kids didn't talk to Jack all day because of his "Mean Mom."


Saturday - 7:30am


I'm at the warehouse where all the girl scout cookies for the troops in my city are delivered. A handful of us sort 3,775 cases of cookies and help load them into various leaders' vehicles. At 1pm, Central Time, I ran over a nice, little old lady with a cart of 47 cases of Caramel Delights. I was on a ramp and thought I had control of the cart as I stuffed cases into a pickup truck. Something shifted and the cart released and barrelled into a petite grandmother of 75. I saw her go down, screamed, "NO!" I managed to stop the runaway cart by hurling my body in front of it but it was too late. She had fallen to the ground. Fortunately, an EMT was there to pick up her cookies and examined my victim. Turns out she was alright, but it freaked me out. I mean, in Scouting, you always think you'll get injured starting a fire, on the ropes course or falling out of a canoe. NO ONE ever thinks they'll get run over by a cart of Girl Scout Cookies.


I stopped at the store on my way home and picked up six bottles of wine, a couple of bags of chips and went home to watch the Olympics. After a shower (where I couldn't lift my arms above my waist from the pain) my friend, Michele came over and we drank 4 bottles of wine, ate the bags of chips and devoured 2 whole boxes of Thin Mints.


I was home, and therefore, couldn't inflict my evil on society. Or so I thought.


Sunday -


2am, Bernie, Michele and the kids were leaving my house. Bernie (it should be said, the only sober adult) slipped on the ice on my front steps and chipped his elbow.


On Monday, the curse seemed lifted and I haven't damaged anyone since Sunday morning. What really happened in those strange 48 hours? We may never know. Let's just hope it never happens again.


The Assassin

20 comments:

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Refhater said...

Leslie,

The full moon fell on this last Sunday (the 28th.) Perhaps that could explain the "Curse" that only lasted the weekend.

I wouldn't feel to bad about yelling at your son's teacher. If she can't handle an upset parent, then she's in the wrong buisness.

Kudos for attempting to save the grandma though. At least you tried! I hope your injuries heal quickly!

Best of luck for the rest of the week!

Leslie Langtry said...

Thanks! I can blame it on the full moon! Hey Refhater, didn't you win my contest?

Janell said...

The combination of wine and thin mints made me smile. Thanks and hope the assassin title goes back on your shelf until needed again! Sounds like you're a good mom-sometimes good mom's have to be the MEAN mom.

Leslie Langtry said...

Thanks Janell! Don't mess with the cubs, right?

TerriOsburn said...

Sounds to me like the only person you injured was yourself. And I blame the faulty cart for that. I'm all about being the mean mom if necessary. A teacher ever rolls her eyes at me, she's be looking permanently out of the back of her head.

Last year, my daughter came home from school and uttered the words, "my teacher hates me." I called a conference right away and this woman was all smug thinking I was there to talk about kiddo's "problems". I let her babble for a while, then I wiped that look off her face. No more problems the rest of the year.

I've yelled at day care workers too. And I don't feel bad about it as I was once a day care worker. I know what you're supposed to be doing and if you slight my child, I will smite your ass.

Leslie Langtry said...

Terri, maybe there's a job in that? Hire yourself out to deal with bullying teachers, coaches, etc.

Zita said...

Well! Mad, bad, and dangerous to know!

TerriOsburn said...

Think someone would pay for that? I'd totally do it. And I think I won your contest too. Was I supposed to send my address? I didn't even think about it.

Leslie Langtry said...

Yes! Email me!

Mad, Bad and Dangerous to know...oooh! A Bev Hills 90210 quote!

Refhater said...

Yes, I won your contest. I sent the address email as requested. Did you not get it? I can resend if needed.

Leslie Langtry said...

Refhater, resend please!

TerriOsburn said...

Byron was on 90210? LOL!

catslady said...

I agree with the full moon theory. Only once did I talk back to one of my children's teachers (they are almost 23 and 26 now). A burnt out 9th grade algebra teacher - I should have realized when a mom screamed at her at open house and stormed out - who basically called my daughter a liar. First I tried reasoning with her over the phone and then in person. That didn't work so I went over her head!!!!! Her boss agreed with me and boy was she upset but she treated my daughter with dignity after that!!!
I love the humor you put into your stories

Kristi said...

I'm laughing at you running the little old lady over. I would be going to the principal about the drama queen teacher though. From rolling her eyes at a parent, to telling the kids she's upset, she sounds very rude and a little unstable.

Hope the curse is gone though.

MsHellion said...

Correcting a child's way of writing the letter P in front of the whole class seems over the top. Seriously. If she wants to NOT be bawled out and humiliated, she can start by not doing the same first.

Then again, you couldn't pay me enough to be a teacher or work with children.

Refhater said...

Ok, re-sent addess email. Thanks!

Leslie Langtry said...

Dylan on 90210 said that. Or my memory is shot.

Thanks Catslady!

Leslie Langtry said...

I remember we had corporal punishment. Teachers in junior high would slam unruly boys against the lockers and the principal carried a paddle.

Jenyfer Matthews said...

Mad, Bad and Dangerous To Know would be an awesome book title!

Yes, I think it was the moon. My daughter had a series of odd accidents this past weekend herself - thankfully no one but her was injured in the process!