Doing Something Different in Bed

Yup. We’re doing something different in bed. I’m not the one who initiated the change, either. Just like a man, isn’t it? Just when you get used to something, start really liking it, they go and change it. And frankly, it’s not the first time he’s altered his bedroom/bedtime habits. The first time was about five years ago. Just like most stories involving my hubby, it all goes back to his basic male-driven instinct. You know the instinct I mean, right?

I’m talking about the male dominated instinct to protect and care for his family. And by “care”, I mean his financial protectiveness. Basically, I mean his inability to let go of a dollar bill. His frugalness . . . that is also called, cheapness. Or as some might refer to it, his penny-pinching, Scot-inherited approach to all things involving the almighty dollar—including coins. So how does the “something different in bed” come into all this? I’m getting there. Be patient.

First, let me say, I appreciate my hubby’s ability to save money and for the most part, I don’t blink when he sets out to purchase the lower ticketed item, as in: store brands of cereal, cell phones that don’t take pictures, scratched and dented refrigerators without ice makers, or the washing machine that makes enough noise and movement that the neighbors think hubby and I are doing kinky things to each other every time I use the large-load cycle. But there is and always has been one thing that I refused to scrimp on. I, Christie Craig, will have a good, top-of-the-line, 600 or above cotton thread, Egyptian preferred, sheets, blankets, and at least four freshly down-stuffed pillows. Why four? It’s simple. I need two for my head, one to hug, and one for between my knees. I’m a side sleeper. Don’t all side sleepers use four pillows?

Now, hubby says, I keep so many pillows around me at night, that if the mood strikes, he has to get over my barricade to find me. I do apologize about that, but then I point out that due to the rule—the one he set early on in our relationship—the one that demands upon his-and-her blankets, I’m never really what you would call “easy access” anyhow. Not that pillows or blanket seriously get in the way, but in the beginning I thought the two blanket rule was a tad over the top. Not for hubby. He insisted that having his own blanket prevented the tug-of-war battles and arguments so common in marriages.

Shortly after we married I learned it was good thing. And it's not for the reason you might think. Hubby's intestinal track is fine. There was no way I was going to share his cheap, canvas-feeling, skin-abrasive $9.99 clearance comforter. Nope. Nor was I gonna use the buck ninety-nine foam-filled pain-in-the-neck pillows. So I did what all smart wives do. I bought my own preferred bedding and never once told him how much I paid. Believe me, the man would have freaked if he’d known I spent more for my bedding than he did for my cheap-ass washing machine.

Then it happened. I’m referring to the first altercation that occurred about five years ago. I went out of town for a conference and while I’d remembered to put away my blanket, I had neglected to put away my pillows. And he did it. He pulled one over and while he still won’t admit it, I know he felt as if he’d died and went to bed heaven. How do I know? Because when I came back and cuddled up in bed, I found my knee pillow was lumpy foam. He’d even switched cases. Confronted with the issue, hubby said, “But it’s just your knee pillow. Do you really need down feathers for your knees?” Then he put on that poor-me pout and claimed his neck had been bothering him and he really needed the better pillow for just a few days.

Days led to weeks and I eventually went out and bought me another knee pillow. That should have been the end of it. But it wasn’t. One night I got into bed and discovered he was using my hug pillow as his second head pillow. When confronted he put on his pout again and I waited for the sore-neck excuse again. But nope. “Go buy yourself another one,” he said instead. “Just don’t tell me what you paid for it.” Smart man!

I did. Hence, hubby became a believer in the good-pillow way of life.

Then came the most recent change in his sleeping habits. To be honest, I should have seen it coming when he switched the comforter off my extra bedroom for his every-night blanket. When I asked him about this, he replied that for some unknown reason his comforter had started feeling funny.

Right! The truth was, the comforter in my extra bedroom was twice the quality of the one he’d picked up for himself on the clearance table at the dollar store. Not that it was near the quality of my blanket, but still. Nevertheless, I went out and bought a new extra-bedroom comforter. I tried giving my hubby’s blanket to the dog next door, but even he refused the dang thing. Then it happened. It was the first cold spell this winter. Hubby moved a tad closer to my side of the bed and draped my 299 dollar blanket over him, I was stunned.

“What are you doing?” I demanded.

He sent me that look, the one he knows I find irresistible, and said, “I thought we’d try something romantic and . . . share.”

I didn’t buy it, but I decided to let it slide . . . for one night. (Hey, he’s really cute when he puts on that look.) But the next night, he was . . . “cold.”

“Then get your blanket,” I suggested.

“But I like being close to you.”

I wasn't born yesterday. “Admit it buddy, it’s not me you want. It’s my blanket.”

His answer was sly. “Is it wrong of me to love both you and your blanket?”

So . . . there you have it. After twenty-five years of marriage, hubby and I are sharing a blanket. And just like he said, it’s happening. He’ll roll over and yank the covers off of me. I’ll wake up and yank back. And most nights there’s at least one game of tug of war going on.

It’s a tad frustrating, but darn it, I kind of like how it feels to spoon with him without the layers of blankets between us, so I’m gonna tolerate it.

So here’s what I want to hear from you. Are any of you out there a bedding connoisseur as I am? Do any of you use the two-blanket rule? What type of pillows do you use? How many do you sleep with? Do you have knee pillow? And do you sleep on your back, side, tummy? Come on, let’s talk about what happens in bed.