Thursday, January 17, 2008

Open mouth, insert foot firmly inside of it…

In conjunction with the release of the Dreams & Desires Vol. 2 anthology (available February 1st!!), I’m sponsoring an online Bachelor Auction, where I’m auctioning off a virtual date with five uber hot cover models.

All proceeds from the auction will go directly to benefit victims of domestic violence, so please help support an amazing cause while winning yourself a handsome hunk!

The prize:
Each bachelor has put together a prize pack of personalized items to send to the winner, plus, if you win the auction, you will be invited to an exclusive online Valentine’s chat party, February 16th (Sat) at 1pm PST/3pm EST, where your bachelor will accompany you as your virtual date!

Here’s how the bidding works:
1. go to my website and pick out the perfect bachelor for you
2. send an email to with the word “Bachelor Auction Bid” in the subject line
2. In the body of the email tell me a) which bachelor you’re bidding on and b) how much your bid is
3. check back here to make sure you haven’t been outbid!

Bidding will run from Jan.15th – Jan.31st
Happy bidding and good luck!!

Now, considering it would be bad form to bid on my own auction, I’m still getting my dates the hard way. This week I met a new guy. Didn’t know much about him beforehand, but his pictures looked decent, he could string a few sentences together in a pleasing way, and he had a house on the beach. (Always a plus!) So, Beach Bum asked me out for coffee on Wednesday at this little place around the corner from my house. Perfect. Wednesday arrives, I do the hair and make-up thing and arrive at the coffee place a few minutes early. Always prepared, I pull out the Nora Roberts book I’m currently making my way through and settle in to read a few pages while I wait. Points for him that he didn’t leave me waiting long. He shows up, he’s actually better looking than his photos (that never happens!), sits down and apologizes for being late. More points. Wow, his score is rising rapidly. Then he takes a look at he book I’m reading and asks how it is. I respond with, “Good plot, but it’s a little slow going for me.”

He smirks.

Beach Bum: “Aren’t all those kind of books sort of like that?”

Me: “Those kind of books?”

Beach Bum (still smirking): “Yeah. She writes those really…” (scrunching his nose up like he’s smelled bad cheese) “… girly books, right?”

Me (trying to maintain a poker face): “ Those girly books?”

Beach Bum (thinking he’s so clever, smirking taking over entire face): "You know, those trashy romance kind.”

(Did you hear that? It was his stock plummeting lower than the recent Dow Jones.)

Me: “You know, before you go any further, you should probably know that I’m a romance writer. I write those kind of books for a living.”

Beach Bum laughs. Then sees my deadpan face.

Beach Bum: “Wait, you’re serious?”

Me: “Like a heat attack.”

Beach Bum goes red, smirk vanishes as he attempts to pull his size twelve boot out of his mouth.

Beach Bum: “Oh. Well, uh, that’s cool. That’s... wow, you write books. That’s great. That’s…” (picking up the Nora Roberts, examining it closely now) “…wow. That’s amazing, you’re an actual author. I’d love to read one.”

My turn to smirk.

Me (extracting Nora from his hands): “I don’t think so. You’re way too…” (I scrunch my nose like I’ve smelled his gym socks) “…guy for my books.”

Score one for the Girly Girls.

~Gemma "Trigger Happy" Halliday


Wendy said...

LOL what a guy! Very nice way of dealing with him, Gemma!

Kathy! wanted to tell you that Jordan's publicist read my review and send it to Jordan and now they're gonna post a part of it on Jordan's site AND already have it on her Myspace.

Hear that? that's me shrieking like a fangirl.

Lookit! it's it purrrrdy?

“No One Heard Her Scream is a fantastic story from debut author Jordan Dane. The book sizzles with romance and the suspense had me on the edge of my seat. From the first page to last, I couldn't put it down, it was an engaging story with wonderful characters and it's definitely one of the best books I've ever had the pleasure of reading! I very much look forward to her next book.”
—TOP PICK - Five Hearts “Lifetime Keeper” Night Owl Romance

I wrote that! *g*

Lucy said...

Oh my god! Buh-bye beach bum! LOL

Good for you!

Christie Craig said...


WOW! First what a great idea for an auction. And what a great cause. you think my hubby would allow me to go on a virtual date?

Second...why is it the nice looking guys, who might even own a house, always have a bad habit of finding their shoes in their mouth?

And Wendy...congrats on your review! I happen to know Jordan, and she really is a keep-you-on-the-edge-of-your-seat kind of writer. I highly recommend her book.

Crime Scene Christie

Tori Lennox said...

Oh, Beach Bum sounded so nice up until he opened his big mouth. *g*

MsHellion said...


That's happened on my dates! Twice! And their stock does plummet faster than you can say October 29, 1929.

One of my dates smirked at me and said, "You really write that...what is it? Soft core porn..."

Then while adjusting his pocket protector, made a big stink about how Science Fiction novels weren't a FORMULAIC in any sort of way. Right. So Joseph Campbell's Hero of a Thousand Faces is total crap. Gotcha, big guy.

The other one wanted to know if I used my fantasies to inspire my sex scenes. Then wanted me to go into detail if I did. Can we say: creepy? He's also the one who wanted me to fill out a SURVEY of why the date ended badly so he could improve his dating skills. (He *was* a professor; that explains the survey bit.)

Gemma Halliday said...

OMG, mshellion, a survey? What is he, Amazon customer service or something? Lol! Too funny.


Gemma Halliday said...

Christie - Tell your husband, virtual dates don't count. You're only bidding for the chocolate anyway, right? ;)


catslady said...

Oh goodness I am so laughing out loud. I mean, I'm really sorry about your date but love yuor comeback. And Mschellion I feel for your too. Just the thoughts of having to go on a date makes me hyperventilate.

Jenyfer Matthews said...

Oh well - but I guess now you know *why* they say that if something seems to good to be true it probably is!!! Poor you. Looks like you'll have to bid on one those bachelors yourself!

Kathy Bacus said...

That's a fine keeper of a review for sure, Wendy! I bet Jordan (and her publicist!) were thrilled. Uber congrats!

Hmm, Gemma. Your have-romance-book-will-date method is a pretty nifty way to discover those deal-breaker qualities lurking just beneath the charming surface. We all know Mr. Right must have an appreciation for romance novels--and novelists...

You go, girl!

And mshellion, you crack me up!

~Bullet Hole~

Minna said...

Way to go! What a great comeback!