Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Electrifying Experiences and Retractions

Breaking NEWS!!!

WINNER...WINNER.

Blackroze37, you have won a copy of Lori's book. Please email me your address to www.christie-craig.comCC
January 15, 2008 2:05 PM


NOTE: Please pop over to Rachael's blogspot, http://booklover07202.blogspot.com/ to read an interview and post a comment/question for a chance to win a autographed copy of my book. Also check out: http://www.themotivatedwriter.com/ where yours truly was interviewed.

This last Saturday, I got a real electrifying experience. I got the rare opportunity to come face to face with a Houston Police officer’s taser gun. Let’s just say, I nearly wet my pants. Before you jump to any conclusions, no I haven’t been arrested again. Well, not yet anyway. Though, take my advice, be careful about pissing off police officers.

In my case, it’s not just any police officer. It’s Duke Atkins. Remember my cop in a pocket who came and blogged for us? Yeah, he’s the one. He’s the badge-toting, taser-pointing officer I’m referring to. And I have . . . well, in his book, I’ve committed a crime. And since one of my crimes is a second offense, well, he’s out for blood. Guess I’m back to dodging the law again.

In my defense, well . . . Okay, I have no defense. Not for one of the crimes. Remember when he blogged? Remember how he spoke about me . . . misspelling his name? How my little typo inadvertently prevented him from being some super spokesperson for the HPD? Yeah, well, guess what. You know his name, Lt. Duke Adkins, appears in my acknowledgements page of Divorced, Desperate and Delicious? Yeah, I did it again. I put a “d” where the “t” was supposed to go.

He’s insisting on a retraction, but I did come up with an alternative. I mean, it’s only $100 to change your name, they might even give him a bargain since all he would only be changing is one letter. Heck, I’d even throw in ten or fifteen bucks to help pay for it.

He didn’t like that idea. (Did you know tasers make this gawd-awful noise?)

And now, my second crime. Well, Duke came out to speak at my autographing about women’s safety. He called me in advance and asked if he could use my purse for the demonstration. He explained that during this little show-and-tell, my purse’s contents would be spilled on the floor. Now, this is the crime I do feel I have a defense.

I mean, pluuueeese! He never should have trusted me. Never! You should have seen his face with the red bra, sexy panties, a pair of take-me-home red high heels, a few condoms, and an entire pack of loose tampons hit the floor in front the audience. What was funnier was seeing him pick them up and put them back in the purse. (Did you know that tasers don’t really have to be recharged for a second use?)

Anyway, under the influence of shock therapy, I’m offering Duke a retraction. (Or I guess I should say, under the threat of shock therapy, he took off the bullet thingy (see why I need him to write police stuff?) that actually sends out the electrical currents, before he showed us how the gun fired.) Anyway guys, this fine-example of a police officer’s name is Lt. Doke Atkins. Now, don’t get that messed up.

Crime Scene Christie

21 comments:

Jenyfer Matthews said...

OMG Christie! You do like to live dangerously don't you!! I really really wish that you had had a camera handy to capture his expression.

(I'll bet all your friends avoid you on April 1st too!

Jenyfer Matthews said...

PS - The bailiff, the police - what member of the judicial system will you take on next??

Suzan Harden said...

Oh, Jenyfer, we won't get into the things, Christie has done to me. There's a reason I've quit practicing law. (But at least she spelled my name correctly on the acknowledgements page of DD&D!)

Faye Hughes said...

LOL, Suzan! I think with Christie's track record, she needs to keep a laywer nearby.

Great post, CC!

Faye

Christie Craig said...

Jenyfer,

There was reporter there, but I don't know if she got that shot.

And about April 1st...hmmm... My friends all start disappearing around March and I never knew why...I think you are on to something.

Crime Scene Christie

CC

Christie Craig said...

Jenyfer...

In reponse to your question: What member of the judicial system will you take on next?

I'm seriously thinking about a judge next. ;-)

Crime Scene Christie

Christie Craig said...

Suzan,

First...don't give my secrets away. Second...seriously, we could have won that last case if you'd just listened to me. Third, Look Susan...I did get your name right, but let's be honest here. You aren't totally innocent when it comes to scams and naughty stuff.

I mean . . . seriously, if I had time to run over to your house, I'd had a whole collection of embarrassing things to put into that loaded purse I fixed for Duke...oh, I mean Doke.

Crime Scene Christie

Christie Craig said...

And Faye....

Please, you are the master mind behind half the crap I do.

You come up with these crazy, outlandish plans and somehow convince sweet little me to carry through with it.

Crime Scene Christie

Anonymous said...

Too funny, Christi! Just love it, Tessy

Tori Lennox said...

ROFL!!! That poor man! I think maybe I'm glad I only know you online. *g*

Gemma Halliday said...

Ahahahaha!
That's it, we must do a signing together.

~Gemma

Estella said...

Too funny!

Christie Craig said...

Tessy,

Thanks for stopping by.

Crime Scene Christie

Christie Craig said...

Tori,

Oh, I sometimes pick on my online friends, too.

Smile!

Christie Scene Christie

Christie Craig said...

Gemma,

You tell me where and when and we'll have fun.

Crime Scene Christie

Christie Craig said...

Thanks, Estella.

Have a great evening.

Crime Scene Christie

Kathy Bacus said...

So, were you actually tasered, Christie? You know. To see how it really feels--for research purposes and to lend an air of realism to your taser references, of course.

Back in the 'olden days' peace officer recruits had to run through tear gas at the Public Safety Academy so we'd know the effects. I'd never run faster than I did that particular day...

~Bullet Hole~

Christie Craig said...

Kathy,

No, Duke wouldn't really taser me. He just likes to scare me.

And yeah... I can see running really fast when tear gas is on the scene.

And again, I have to say...girl you impress me.

I don't like accidentally stubbing my toe. I would never take a job that required me to run through tear gas.

Thanks for posting.

Crime Scene Christie

Lucy said...

You're too funny Christie. I love your posts. Sorry I missed you Saturday. I was beat and mornings come so darned early! I wouldn't have even left my house that day if my dogs had had a speck of food.

Christie Craig said...

Lucy,

Thanks for stopping by. Oh, there was nothing funny about facing that taser.

Crime Scene Christie

Fon said...

Nice blog. I will keep reading. Please take the time to visit my blog about Guitar Lesson