Electrifying Experiences and Retractions

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January 15, 2008 2:05 PM


NOTE: Please pop over to Rachael's blogspot, http://booklover07202.blogspot.com/ to read an interview and post a comment/question for a chance to win a autographed copy of my book. Also check out: http://www.themotivatedwriter.com/ where yours truly was interviewed.

This last Saturday, I got a real electrifying experience. I got the rare opportunity to come face to face with a Houston Police officer’s taser gun. Let’s just say, I nearly wet my pants. Before you jump to any conclusions, no I haven’t been arrested again. Well, not yet anyway. Though, take my advice, be careful about pissing off police officers.

In my case, it’s not just any police officer. It’s Duke Atkins. Remember my cop in a pocket who came and blogged for us? Yeah, he’s the one. He’s the badge-toting, taser-pointing officer I’m referring to. And I have . . . well, in his book, I’ve committed a crime. And since one of my crimes is a second offense, well, he’s out for blood. Guess I’m back to dodging the law again.

In my defense, well . . . Okay, I have no defense. Not for one of the crimes. Remember when he blogged? Remember how he spoke about me . . . misspelling his name? How my little typo inadvertently prevented him from being some super spokesperson for the HPD? Yeah, well, guess what. You know his name, Lt. Duke Adkins, appears in my acknowledgements page of Divorced, Desperate and Delicious? Yeah, I did it again. I put a “d” where the “t” was supposed to go.

He’s insisting on a retraction, but I did come up with an alternative. I mean, it’s only $100 to change your name, they might even give him a bargain since all he would only be changing is one letter. Heck, I’d even throw in ten or fifteen bucks to help pay for it.

He didn’t like that idea. (Did you know tasers make this gawd-awful noise?)

And now, my second crime. Well, Duke came out to speak at my autographing about women’s safety. He called me in advance and asked if he could use my purse for the demonstration. He explained that during this little show-and-tell, my purse’s contents would be spilled on the floor. Now, this is the crime I do feel I have a defense.

I mean, pluuueeese! He never should have trusted me. Never! You should have seen his face with the red bra, sexy panties, a pair of take-me-home red high heels, a few condoms, and an entire pack of loose tampons hit the floor in front the audience. What was funnier was seeing him pick them up and put them back in the purse. (Did you know that tasers don’t really have to be recharged for a second use?)

Anyway, under the influence of shock therapy, I’m offering Duke a retraction. (Or I guess I should say, under the threat of shock therapy, he took off the bullet thingy (see why I need him to write police stuff?) that actually sends out the electrical currents, before he showed us how the gun fired.) Anyway guys, this fine-example of a police officer’s name is Lt. Doke Atkins. Now, don’t get that messed up.

Crime Scene Christie