Wednesday, April 01, 2009

What if Spartacus Had A Piper Cub?

What if Jane Austen had a submachine gun for an arm and an interest in total, global domination?

What if what we think is reality is actually just some blog written by a dendraphobic, nudist albino named "Steve?"

What if spider monkeys were really made up of hundreds of monkey-shaped spiders?

What are YOUR "what ifs?"

The best answer (meaning the one that makes me laugh so hard I weep tears of vodka) wins a galley copy of I SHOT YOU BABE. So hit me with your best shot. Fire away.

The Assassin

22 comments:

Refhater said...

"What if I had taken that stripper/pole dancing class they offered back around Valentine's day at the strip club?"

Would that get my mom to stop saying I need to sign up for a "class of some sort" to meet a guy?

Can't wait to read I SHOT YOU BABE! Have a good one today.

Gemma Halliday said...

OMG, I want that galley!!!!! Okay, I guess it's not really fair if I bribe you to win it, but I'll play the 'what if' game anyway.

What if men were the ones that had to give birth and women could pee standing up? Ah, the power...

~Gemma

terrio said...

What if the Earth really is a living thing and we're the parasite infestation she's trying to get rid of by turning up the heat and covering in giant amounts of white flea powder?

Bookmobiler said...

What would happen if people who blog, twitter or follow them actually had a clue? Or a life?

I's write more about this subject but I have to up date my blog.

Bye!

Christie Craig said...

What if chocolate, cheetos, nachos and fried onion rings were diet food? Can you tell it's almost lunch time?

CC

Dawn said...

What if we all danced to the music in Sanjaya's head?

Leslie Langtry said...

These are great guys! I'm going to have a tough decision to make. But you have until midnight so keep 'em coming!

Tori Lennox said...

What if my whole life is a virtual reality and I'm really just a computer AI? (A very boring virtual reality, I might add. *g*)

Jenyfer Matthews said...

What if all the words I type into emails, blogs, and comments were actually expended on a writing project??? I'd have completed VOLUMES by now!

:)

Refhater said...

What if I wasn't switched at birth and I am related to these people?

Keri Ford said...

These are so great! And I'm so terrible so I'm not even going there!

Leslie Langtry said...

I can totally relate to most of these. That's a good thing...I think.

MsHellion said...

WHAT IF The Royal Tenebaums was actually as funny as it's hyped? (Unfortunately it's not, but what if it actually were.)

WHAT IF I could actually ride in a car with a man, and he didn't comment about my driving? (Please note: I think he's totaled out his car a couple times. *I* have not been in an accident. Yet I am the bad driver.)

WHAT IF I loofahed Coney--and he came to life? (Hey, it's a pet dream.)

Oh, most frightening for me of all, what if I'm actually living up to my full potential, or worse, what if the guy I'm dating is? (Really, your life's ambition is to take over the world? Watch Pinky and the Brain much, do you?)

WHAT IF chocolate chip cookies were actually nutritious for us--and broccoli was bad? Would we all go around defiantly eating broccoli, hiding our addiction by eating broccoli in the closet or the car? Would we HATE to eat chocolate chip cookies?

Cannot wait until ISYB hits the stands! Woooooot!

Suzan Harden said...

What if Jack Bauer worked for Julius Caesar, tortured Brutus and nabbed all the conspirators before the Ides of March?

catslady said...

What if reincarnation is real and all those CEO's come back to a life where they lose everything!

What if our lives were stories in a book and all those books were real life.

What if that fly on the wall could talk. (because it had a head like Boris Karloff).

What if clothes were never invented!

Refhater said...

What if that temporary tattoo isn't temporary? And who is Earl?

Leslie Langtry said...

Wow. this is going to be a bitch to judge. you guys should be writing these books!

Bookmobiler said...

What if when you do this, "(meaning the one that makes me laugh so hard I weep tears of vodka)," I were to hold a glass of orange juice under your chin?

Would that screw up the contest?

Or just drive you to drink?

Refhater said...

What if you can't pick a winner? What happens then?

Refhater said...

What if I kept making that face and it stuck that way.

Refhater said...

I know we only had until midnight, but here's 2 more just for the fun of it.

What if there really was no "What if" contest and it was all an April Fool's Joke by Leslie?

And:

What if everyone really did have a double out there somewhere?

catslady said...

lol what if a thousand legger really had a thousand legs.