Basketball Diaries

First off, I was totally going to name this post March Madness because it was just SO appropriate. I had it all written, then I logged into blogger to post it… and saw that Kathy’s post yesterday was titled March Madness. Whoa. Talk about great minds thinking alike. ;) So I improvised with a new one.

And, why, you ask, was March Madness so appropriate? Well, let me tell you about the sports fan my mom met on a blind date last week.

She met him online and he called himself Tennisdude. Right off the bat, Mom could tell he was a sports nut. Mom? Like me, she considers high heels an aerobic workout and shopping the next great Olympic sport. However, she does like to play a game of tennis now and then, and you’d think any guy who’s that into sports is probably in good shape right? (Yeah, you’d think…) So, Mom agrees to meet Tennisdude at a local brewery for drinks the next evening.

That night Mom’s work ran a little late, so she texts Tennisdude and tell shim she’s on her way, but running about ten minutes behind. He’s cool with it, says he’s at the bar.

Only, there’s some big basketball game on that night. (Yeah, see how big I am into sports? I’ve got no clue what game. All I know is that instead of Survivor, they had super tall guys in squeaky shoes on TV that night.) So, the bar is packed. Mostly with guys. All of them watching the TV set. When Mom walks in, not one head turns away from the TV.

Which is where she encounters a problem. Which of the many guys at the bar is her date? She’s seen a couple of his pictures online, but the thing Mom’s rapidly finding out about dating over 50 is that every man posts pictures of his “young at heart self” that are at least ten years old. Hence, he could be any one of these guys. In lieu of tapping each one on the shoulder to find out if he’s the one, she decides to sit in the only vacant seat at the bar and wait for him to notice her. (Mom’s pictures actually are recent and she does look just like them. I come from honest stock.)

So, Mom sits. She orders a glass of wine. She sits some more.

Clearly the game is more interesting as, still, all pairs of male eyes are glued to the TV. Not one has even glanced her way. So, Mom texts Tennisdude again. She tells him she’s at the bar, the blonde in the white jacket sipping the cabernet, and waits.

And waits.

And begins to wonder if she needs to put on a pair of Nikes to get noticed around here.

Finally the guy next to her strikes up a conversation. She tell shim she’s there meeting a blind date, but doesn’t know which guy it is. My guess is that BarFlyGuy has had a few at this point, because he immediately agrees to help her find her date. Before she can even protest, he’s out of his seat, rounding the bar, tapping every guy on the shoulder asking if he’s hear to meet a blonde from the internet.

Needless to say, Mom now has a zero low profile. Eyes start turning her way. Lots of them. Which might have been a good thing under different circumstances, but the way BarFlyGuy worded it, it sounds like someone just ordered her from ebay.

Finally BarFlyGuy taps the right guy on the shoulder and Tennisdude looks up. (And, surprisingly, he doesn’t look 10 years older than his pic. He looks 20.) With stooped shoulders and a slight limp (that speaks to the fact it’s been decades since he actually played sports) he shuffles over to where Mom is waiting. At this point, she’s wishing BarFlyGuy hadn’t been so helpful.

Tennisdude settles himself in the empty seat next to Mom. And promptly tells her, “I’ve been waiting here all night. Where have you been?!”

Moral of the story: Don’t date a sports fan during March Madness.


~Trigger Happy Halliday


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