Thursday, November 29, 2007

Why did the blonde cross the road...

I just started working on the 5th High Heels book, in which Maddie and her cast of kooky friends encounter a murder among the world of wedding planners. So far, I’m having a blast. Two blondes in super high heels chasing after a killer on the loose - what’s more fun than that, right? So, in honor of Maddie’s sometime less-than-rocket-scientist blunders, I’ve complied a list of my fav blonde jokes. Enjoy!

What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
Last year's hide and seek champ.

How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
There's white-out on the screen.

Why did the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
For throwing out the W's.

What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot?
Bigfoot has been sighted

Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
She kept having affairs with men!

What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A dope ring.

What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?

Making Babies:

Three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby conceived ?"

"He was on top, " she replied.

"You will have a boy!" the doctor exclaimed.

The second woman was asked the same question.

"I was on top, " was the reply.

"You will have a baby girl, " said the doctor.

With this, the third women, a blonde, burst into tears.

"What's the matter?" asked the doc.

"Am I going to have puppies?"

Terminology used by blonde nurses:

Artery -- study of paintings
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
Caesarian section -- district in Rome
Cat scan -- searching for kitty
Cauterize -- made eye contact with her
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
Dilate -- to live long
Fibula -- a small lie
Hangnail -- coat hook
Impotent -- distinguished, well known
Labor pain -- got hurt at work
Morbid -- higher offer
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
Node -- was aware of
Outpatient -- person who had fainted
Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- letter carrier
Rectum -- damn near killed 'em
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- study of knighthood
Tablet -- small tab
Terminal Illness -- sickness at airport
Tibia -- country in North Africa
Tumor -- an extra pair
Urine -- opposite of you're out
Vein – conceited

And finally…

Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So brunettes can remember them. (hehe)

Anyone else have some good blonde jokes? Lay 'em on me.

~ Gemma "Trigger Happy" Halliday


Tori Lennox said...

Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So brunettes can remember them. (hehe)

Hey, I resemble that remark! *g*

Gemma Halliday said...

Ha! I'm an equal opportunity insulter. ;)


Lucy said...

A blond finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits.

She's desperate so she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."

Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins 20 million.

She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lottery night comes and she still has no luck on a 35 million dollar pot.

Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You."

"PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order.."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open.....

The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself......

"Sweetheart, work with Me on this.... Buy a ticket!”

Gemma Halliday said...

Lol Lucy!!


Estella said...

Too funny!

Kathy Bacus said...

I've got a million of 'em, Gemma! Since my Calamity Jayne books begin with a specially selected blonde joke and all the back covers also feature a hand-picked blonde joke, I started collecting them years ago. My current book was a challenge. Since the book takes place on a cruise, I had to find a 'sea-faring/sailor/pirate' blonde joke. Finally found one that would work for the opening chapter, but I'm still looking for one for the back cover.

I love the 'skeleton in the closet' joke, too--so much so that I had them put it on the back cover of my book, GHOULS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN.


Blondie0409 said...

>How do you kill a blonde?

>Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool and tell the blonde to go smell it..

I'm a blonde and I just can't help but laugh at these jokes...I can relate

Gemma Halliday said...

Yes, Kathy! A fellow blonde! I love the e-i-e-i-o joke on the original Calamity book! I'll admit, it was the first thing that drew me to it. :) Can't wait to see the latest!


Gemma Halliday said...

Love it, Blondie.


Jenyfer Matthews said...

If you weren't blonde too I might have to kick you, Gemma!!!

Q. Why are there so many blonde jokes?
A. Because the blondes are out with all the men, the brunettes and redheads have nothing better to do on Friday and Saturday nights.


Gemma Halliday said...

Love it, Jen. Ha! Must write that one down...


Jenyfer Matthews said...

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very
attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed...

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

Shelli Stevens said...

Oh Gemma that's too funny!! I LOVE the tissue pic :) And your WIP sounds fab, but then they all are!

Christie Craig said...

Too funny Gemma.

As a blonde, I can laugh extra hard.

Crime Scene Christie

Wendy said...

Gemma, you totally made me morning with those jokes! and I just took an exam so believe me, I needed to read something funny. :)

Wendy said...

I meant my morning! I totally sound Irish just then, lol!

Gemma Halliday said...

Glad you enjoyed them!

Good luck with your exam, Irish Wendy! ;)


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