Monday, September 17, 2007

Stupid Laws

I'm sure there are many, many stupid laws (rules) out there, but I want to talk about the travel industry for a moment. For those of you who don't know me that well yet, I'm a corporate trainer by day and travel all over the US trying to bring people up to speed on software. And let me say that the travel industry has got to be one of the most foolish on the face of the earth. Let's just take one item for example:

On every plane there is at least one (possibly more) "exit rows." These are the rows of seats that happen to be placed where the emergency door exit to the airplane is. There are certain responsibilities that passengers sitting in that row are required to agree to - namely, opening the door in case of emergency. Now this is a matter of policy, people. If you are seated in an exit row (as I was Friday night), the flight attendant will question each person directly if they are able to perform the duties. I was the only person in the exit row, so I said my yes, then promptly lay down across the row of seats right after take off and went to sleep. And this is why I think the "exit row" questions are really stupid rules.

1. If there is an emergency on a jet, we will probably all die and the exit door won't be any more distinguishable than any other piece of the plane. So I figure no one's going to call me out on not performing my "duty."

2. If there is an emergency and we don't die, everyone will probably be leaving the plane by the nearest available option - most likely a gaping hole in the roof. I don't think they'll be waiting patiently in line for me to open a door, which at that point would probably take the jaws of life to move.

3. Assuming the best of situations and we're all alive and the door is intact, then why in the world wouldn't I want to open it? Hell, I'm going to be the first person off!

And if you think this is stupid, wait until next week when I tell you the story about how I was a suspected terrorist at the Denver airport.

- Deadly DeLeon

31 comments:

Christie Craig said...

Jana,

You forgot to talk about missing luggage. I can see your point about the exit aisle. :-)

And you . . . a terroist?

I gotta hear this one.

Crime Scene Christie

MsHellion said...

*ROTFL* I'm not laughing at the "we'd be dead" remark, since that scares me, but the #3--why wouldn't I open the door? I'd be the first one off! *LOL* Too true!

And how did you manage to get on a flight where you could actually sit by yourself?

Faye Hughes said...

I think they have those rules because, if you do have an emergency landing and need to exit the plane via the emergency exits, you need to have someone seated there who is capable of opening the doors. Meaning, a mom with small children shouldn't sit there.

I've been on flights where people have actually moved away from those seats. Personally, I like aisle seats, closest to the front so I can get the hell outta there when we land. LOL.

And as for the terrorist thing in Denver, um, could it have anything to do with "Deadly Deleon" being on the passenger manifest? LOL. J/K.

Faye

Jana DeLeon said...

Christie - I can do an entire 5-day training with a carryon bag. I learned early! And yes, I was suspected of being a terrorist, but you'll have to wait until next Monday to hear about it. :)

Jana DeLeon said...

mshellion - I figure the dead thing is enevitable so it doesn't really matter where I am. God knows, if I was scared to fly, I'd have serious issues. But #3 is definitely the clencher.

And the way to get a row by yourself if to be flying from somewhere not that busy on the last flight out that night because everyone else jumped on an earlier flight by flying standby. :)

Jana DeLeon said...

faye - I'm sure there is a reason for the rules, but quite frankly, a GOOD mom with three kids would probably be a better person in an emergency than a panicked banker. She'd probably go into overdrive to get her kids out of there. :)

And definitely, I try for the front of the plane - first class if it's available and I have the points!

Ah, wouldn't you like to know if I'm on a known terrorist list? Well, you'll find out next Monday.

Keri Ford said...

Additional stupid rule, when you get the special pat down, dig through your carry-on shee-bang security check because you're late for your flight.

And why are you late for said flight? Because the freaking airline cancled your other so you're huffing it through the airport to get to the right gate before the plane leaves without you.

grrr....

Virginia said...

I can't wait to next week to here your terroist story. What is the world coming to.

Tori Lennox said...

Do not get me started on stupid rules and regulations. *g*

As for your terroristic tendencies, all I can say is "you rabble-rouser, you!" LOL!

Kelly Parra said...

You're right, I'd be opening that exit door first thing! :)

Leslie Langtry said...

Jana! On my return flight from Arizona yesterday, (I had the window in the exit aisle) the attendant barked at me to open the window shade because it was my job to watch the right wing. Now, I'm not really sure what I was watching for, nor what i could do if something happened with said wing, but it unnerved me that we could all...what? Crash? If i didn't vigilantly watch the wing. I'm still scratching my head on that one.
"The Assassin"

catslady said...

The only reasonable reason for not sitting there would be if maybe they weren't physically able (broken arm etc.)As to having to watch the wing - that's insane!!!!

Maggie said...

You a terrorist... gotta hear this one... I am coming next week to read your post!

Lily said...

Those rules are so stupid... like the one that says you can't take face cream with you! Hello... that is not a weapon.

Nathalie said...

I am working and just read your post :0 thanx for the laugh.

Faye Hughes said...

OMGz! I've never heard of being told that you have to "watch the wing" on a flight. I don't think I'd feel very comfortable flying on that plane if they'd said that to me.

Here's another one of those stupid rules - have you guys heard about the woman who was told her skirt was too short when she flew on Southwest and she had to cover up with a blanket? That story just cracked me up. LOL.

Faye

Jana DeLeon said...

keri - oh, don't even talk about running for a connecting flight. I did that through O'Hare - and I mean literally from one end to the other. Someone told me it was over half a mile. It felt like ten.

And I missed the flight anyway....but not the bar.

Jana DeLeon said...

virginia - I am indeed a sad excuse for a terrorist, but you will definitely find the story amusing. :)

tori - you know me so well! :)

Jana DeLeon said...

hi kelly - I'll race ya! :)

Leslie - WTF?!?! Now that's one I've never heard before and I've officially flown over 100k in the past thirteen months. Jeez!

Jana DeLeon said...

hi catslady - I can definitely understand the "unable" rule, but of course, that's assuming that you'd be "able" after a crash to still perform the same as before take off. Hmmmmmmmm.

hi maggie - please come back next Monday. I can't wait to tell the story!

Jana DeLeon said...

lily - a couple of weeks ago I saw a woman go through the "frisking" because she'd had the nerve to not put her lip gloss in a plastic baggie. Now some airport security is worse than others, but c'mon now. It's so ridiculous that I baggie my nasal spray, eye drops, deodorant - basically, anything that is liquid or can melt.

hi nathalie - glad I could give you a chuckle!

Jana DeLeon said...

faye - I did indeed hear the skirt story and it sounds like a lovely lawsuit. I imagine she's got all sorts of available (male) lawyers hovering. She WAS a Hooters waitress, you know. :)

I'm still unclear on the wing thing myself, but last week before the plane pulled away from the gate, the captain accidently powered down the engines and all the controls. So after it powered back up, one of the passenger's says "and the good news is it didn't happen after we were in the air." :)

Lucy said...

That was too funny.

Um, watching the wing? Now that's a scary thought.

Lily said...

Watching the wing... that was funny in a delusional way.

I know these security checks are horrible! I was getting back to Canada at the end of August and I saw a woman get searched just in front of me because her handbag had a little pointy ivory-like key-chain... where is the world going!!!!!!!

Dru said...

so that's why the flight attendant yelled at me when I was sitting in the exit seat and had the shade down. Stupid rules.

Jana DeLeon said...

hi lucy! Glad you enjoyed it!

Lily - I wouldn't even mind if it actually accomplished something. Be sure and check out my terrorist story next week and you'll see exactly what I'm talking about.

dru - maybe...but I still haven't heard of that one. Must do some research. Like I have nothing better to do.

Thanks a lot, Leslie. :)

CrystalG said...

Can't wait to hear about you being suspected of being a terrorist.

RachaelfromNJ said...

LOL I want to hear the terroist story! UH oh..what if this site gets flagged by the secret service for using the word terroist! LOL

Estella said...

Need to hear your story about being a terrorist.

Jana DeLeon said...

Hi crystal, rachael, & estella - I can't wait to tell you the story......on Monday. :)

I sometimes wonder what the government would think if they peaked into writer's internet searches - especially those of us with a little dose of murder in our stories.

Lily said...

Can't wait for monday!