Terrorist in Denver

Have you all been waiting patiently since last week for my terrorist story???????

Well, I'm a little late posting this morning, but technically this is my last day of vacation so I'm tired and sunburned, so I get a break on the late start. So without further ado: How I Was Suspected of Being a Terrorist at the Denver Airport!

I told you last week that I'm a corporate trainer and travel a lot. In fact, I just finished logging over 100k flight miles with American Airlines for the past 14 months. I usually fly American because I'm based out of Dallas (that's their hub), so I get the most flights to the most places. And there's simply no use in spreading out your mileage points among airlines or you'll never, ever get anything free. And the ONLY perk to traveling this much is free trips.

So I tell you all of this because on my flight out of Denver, I couldn't get an American Airlines flight. I had to fly United. Now, don't get me wrong - I've flown United before and I have a membership number, etc, so it's not like they don't "know" me as a passenger. I am also a very light packer (curteosy of a VERY long baggage wait in Orlando - another story), and can do a five day training with a carry-on bag, just so I don't have to bother with checking anything. So I finished class early that day and headed to the airport, hoping to get on an earlier flight. There was one, and it had seats, so it was a possibility.

I walk up to the kiosk to get my boarding pass (because we do all flight arranging electronically) and I'm super-duper happy that I'm not checking a bag because it's spring break and there are at least 4 billion kids in line with skiis. Well, I put in my record locater and the kiosk doesn't find my record. So I pick up the phone and tell the attendant the problem. Then the following conversation ensues:

Me: "The kiosk can't find my record."

Her: "No, we found your record, but someone needs to check your id."

Me: "OK. So send someone over to check it."

Her: "I'm sorry, m'aam, but you're going to have to stand in line for that."

Me: "Are you kidding me? It's spring break here. Have you seen the lines?"

(additional arguing and griping but to no avail and another attendant comes to escort me to the line)

So I wait in the line for over an hour only to get to the counter and have the attendant tell me I'm in the wrong line. (more under breath cussing ensues) So I get escorted to yet ANOTHER line where I wait an additional 45 minutes and by that time all seats on the earlier flight are gone and I get to now wait 4 hours for my flight. The attendant barely even looks at my id before issuing the ticket, and I can't take it anymore, so the following conversation ensues: (mind you, you can't just kill or threaten the flight Nazis or you won't get to fly at all, so I'm breathing deep to control my outrage and blood pressure)

Me: "So what exactly is the problem? Why did I have to go through all this when I'm registered with United as a frequent flyer?"

Att: "You have the same birthdate as a terrorist and they're trying to catch him. It's a 39 year-old middle-eastern man."

Me: (staring in disbelief) "Well, I can see where the problem might come in. Blonde-haired, blue-eyed, German women with Double D's are always confused for middle-eastern men."

(blank look from attendant)

Me: (leaning in over counter) "Do you really think the terrorist would have waited in line?"

(blank look from attendant shifting ever so slightly to "hey, maybe she's on to something)

Me: "Never mind."

I take my ticket and huff off where I get to wait 4 hours in the only damned terminal in the Denver airport without an internet connection. I officially hate United airlines.

Now let me tell you how I think that scenario should have played out - and I would have been perfectly okay with that:

I should have entered my record locater in the kiosk. A couple of seconds later, a hidden panel door should have flung open and 4 or 5 guys should have rushed out, thrown me to the ground and THEN id'd me. THAT'S catching a terrorist!