Wednesday, September 05, 2007

American Survivor Blogzillas

Wow. Those Monday holidays really throw me off. Now that I've realized it's Wednesday (and not Tuesday - as my addled brain would have me believe...because it's evil) I'm barely posting on time. Technically, there are 3.5 hours still left in Wednesday - so maybe I'm okay.

I've been watching a lot of reality shows lately, from Bridezillas to American Princess - among others. And it made me realize that 1) I'm a sick and twisted person, and 2) reality shows aren't reality-based. I once watched an episode of Nick and Jessica and The Osbornes (not together - that would be beyond icky)- only to realize that these celebrities' lives are like mine - beyond mundane.

Now, I'm sure you think that we, the writers on this blog, as romance/mystery writers, live thrilling, exotic lives. That every day, we awaken to the scent of fresh roses on the nightstand, put on our tiaras and pick up our magnifying glasses to have an exciting day filled with romance and suspense.

Well, here's the reality. I hit the snooze button several times, to the fresh scent of Vick's vapo rub on the nightstand. At some point I realize that I only have 45 minutes to get the kids up, fed, dressed, lunches packed and out the door. I let my dogs out, feed the cats and scoop the litter box, and wake up children who either pretend they have suddenly lapsed into a coma or hurl threats at me. At this point, I'm dressed in one of my husband's old army t-shirts and some lounge pants. Eventually I get the kids out the door and settle, still in my pajamas, to check e-mail and hopefully, come up with some brilliant writing. Lunch consists of a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich, letting the dogs out again, maybe cleaning a bathroom or two, and then hopefully, back to work.

About two o'clock, I realize I'd better take a shower before the kids get home. Then we go through all the glamour of homework (where they feign lobotomies and act like they don't know what a pencil is for), dinner (where they try to convince me that McDonald's Happy Meals hit all the food groups), baths (where two sweaty kids try to tell me they don't need to bathe) and eventually, bedtime. After that, it's whatever needs to be done for the next day.

I know, I know. You're wondering why I told you this. Well, maybe it's because watching all these reality shows had made me realize that even when you're doing what you absolutely love, there are still deadlines, a personal life, and the basic mundane activity of just working.

It's my reality show. But I'm not stupid enough to sign a contract with the networks to let everyone see it. Because in my imagination, I'm wearing a tiara and drinking fresh squeezed orange juice made by happy woodland creatures. At least - that's how it looks to me.

Yours Truly,
Leslie "The Assassin" Langtry

26 comments:

Christie Craig said...

Leslie,

Goodness, let me put my tiara down so I can answer this post. Okay...I confess, I scoop litter boxes, take dogs for walks, and cook dinner. Then I pick up my 45, and shoot the man sneaking into my home through the back window. I call the cops, but before the cops arrive the guy attempts to overpower me. He gets the gun, a bullet goes off and . . . Oh, wait, that was what I was writing.

Crime Scene Christie

Ranurgis said...

For some reason, I was going the other way. I thought yesterday was already Wednesday but I think I'm straightened out now.

This sounds like a fun blog and I need more fun and funny in my life right now.

Now I just hope that the site will accept me. I'm ok on other sites but with blogs you just never know.

Sin said...

Gosh. Whadda I have to do to get one of those tiaras? Okay so I don't do the housework. I walk by it and pretend like I can wave my hand and make it all disappear. And then I flop down in my chair and pretend like I'm writing something brilliant while I'm asked every five minutes, "Are you done yet?" Really, I'm writing email and daydreaming about hot sex gods being my cabana boys and fanning me while I lounge on the beach. I can't remember the last time I wrote a line of pure brilliance. LOL.

So I bow down to you gals who work and get stuff done and are super duper great moms and writers. This blog is the bomb!

Jana DeLeon said...

I'll settle for a good set of extensions and a vacation...... :)

Lily said...

Really love your post... particualrly when you said it would be horrible to watch the two reality shows together! totally agree... onw would suffice

Maggie said...

Nice thing with the tiara... want one too! and I have to say I really admire all authors and a book is somewhat like a show too!

Allie Hollister said...

Okay, so this isn't about the blog today. I finished your book last week, and I LOVED it. Can't wait for the next installment.

Jamie aka Allie Holliser

Gemma Halliday said...

Um... you all have tiaras? Did I miss a memo? Where’s mine?!
But, I will admit, that there are days where I put on my highest heels to go with my duckie pajamas while I write. I get really weird looks from the UPS guy when I answer the door like that.

~Gemma

Anonymous said...

You said it for all of us girl.

Whose life isn't like that ?

Guess that is why we watch those shows, so that we can get a glimpse of un-reality (like with Paris Hilton etc.)

Carol
bthompson@uti.co.za

Anonymous said...

Enjoy the dogs, cats and especially the children. Soon they grow up to hate you as most teenagers do and you become the enemy. Then they do all kinds of things that make you wish you were back with them heading off to school, homework, etc. I would give anything for than mundane existence again.
You were the only Author I know on this blog - Gemma
Jane Squires - jrs362@hotmail.com

Bren Vidrine said...

okay.. there must have been a sale in tiaras and i've missed it..
guess it's cause my reality is cleaning rentals, walking dogs, feeding the hubby and kiddies, juggling the bills and keeping hubby's painting business moving along... Not to mention trying to get some of my stories written, poems published and oh, I don't know.. take a shower sometime! lol

love this site....

bren :)

Future Lotto Winner said...

Today feels like Friday to me. Anyway, I don't own a tiara, but I have been known to walk dogs on occassion. Knowing that some of my favorite writers scoop cat poop kinda burst my bubble, but it is nice to know I am reading Fabulous Fiction that is written by people like me. Wish I had your talent, but since I don't it's back to my 7 to 4 and then my 5 to 10 (yeah I work 2 jobs, so the dog walks don't happen often).

photoquest said...

I like the way you choose to see your reality T.V. However i will probably be on my couch when american idol rolls around hopefuuly it will be more exciting than last year or this will be the end of my american idol watching.

Faye Hughes said...

Me, me, me! I want a tiara, too!

Faye

CrystalG said...

Great post. I want a tiara too. :)

MsHellion said...

I have a tiara, but I had to buy it myself...and I rarely use it for writing. :)

I'm really glad I'm not the only one who hits the snooze button...and has about 50 things to do during the day before you can go back to bed at night... *LOL*

Thanks for sharing the "seamy" side of the underworld of writing. *LOL*

Nathalie said...

You blog made me realize we all have oul little reality show going on... and we are all interesting, though I would not wnat mine filmed!

pumkin5364@aol.com said...

I want a Tiara, I want a Tiara!!! Though I can for go the scooping poop thank you very much. I do have 2 barking, drewling dogs , does that count? Thanks to all of you for the great books and of course sharing a piece of your worlds with us.

Virginia said...

Hey we all loose track of the days of the week, I know I do. I have never had a tiara would you send me one.

Anonymous said...

I love Bridezillas and, I can't believe I'm admitting to this, but I saw that American Princess show too. For me, the appeal is that no matter how mundane my own life might be, at least I'm not as stupid/bitchy/crazy as those women on TV. At least, I'd like to think I'm not...

~Leah

Kathy Bacus said...

No tiaras here either. It just won't work with my old 'Smokey Bear' hats. I do have a favorite T-shirt that has 'DIVA' in gold scrawled across the front that I like to wear.

As far as reality TV goes I admit to watching Survivor and on a really bad night, Big Brother.

And with three high school seniors going in three different directions, very few days qualify as mundane. I'd actually look forward to a mundane day now and then.

~Kathy~

Estella said...

I don't watch reality shows, they strike me as contrived.

Angie Fox said...

Shoot. You mean a pink tiara won't arrive with my book contract? I was hoping it was a package deal. What about one of those long cigarette holders? And, no, I don't smoke, but I do think they look really cool.

catslady said...

I have Julia London's tiara - or at least she gave me one when I won her book "Beauty Queen." Maybe I should wear it when I cleaning out the kitty litter lol.

Debbie Mumford said...

Ahhh ... tiaras. I remember them well. Unfortunately, I've misplaced mine. Bummer.

Nathalie said...

Bridezillas... I saw once the show... these women are somewhat crazy. I understand a wedding is important but not that important that you get all OTC on everyone!