Why did you put the empty carton back in the fridge?
Hero said: To remind myself to buy more milk when I go grocery shopping. You’ve had a long week so I figured I’d take care of it this weekend.
He said: To remind you we need more milk.
Does this [insert comically unflattering article of clothing/shade of makeup/style of hair] make my [insert least favorite body part or feature] look [too big/too small/fat/slopey/droopy/dull/flat/frizzy/like that woman across the street/actress I hate/frenemy from the junior league]?
Hero said: Not at all. Even if it did, you are perfect in your imperfections and that is why I love you.
He said: Ummm...yeah. I mean...I mean...kinda.
I don’t know…should I have the filet or the lobster?
Hero said: I’ll order the filet, you order the lobster; we’ll have both.
He said: Is the salad an option?
30! 3.0. Ugh!
Hero said: Think of it this way -- you’re beyond all the gross insecurities and uncertainty that plagued your late teens and twenties. You’re at an age where you’re coming into yourself. Aware and finally ready to enjoy life.
He said: Yep, it’s all down hill from here.
How do I look?
Hero said: Great/beautiful/sexy/gorgeous/Wow. Just…wow!
He said: Fine.
*sniffle* *weep* *cry*
Hero said: Want a hug?
He said: That time of the month?
We need to talk.
Hero said: Of course. Let’s talk.
He said: [audible sigh] Again?
Hero said: Seriously? Love to.
He said: Seriously? Is it Sunday? Already?
Oh, and abs. Heroes have six packs, Honeys have kegs. More to love, right?