Sunday, September 30, 2007

He Said, Hero said...

The quintessential differences between the men we love and the men about whom we love to write and read.

Why did you put the empty carton back in the fridge?

Hero said: To remind myself to buy more milk when I go grocery shopping. You’ve had a long week so I figured I’d take care of it this weekend.

He said: To remind you we need more milk.

Does this [insert comically unflattering article of clothing/shade of makeup/style of hair] make my [insert least favorite body part or feature] look [too big/too small/fat/slopey/droopy/dull/flat/frizzy/like that woman across the street/actress I hate/frenemy from the junior league]?

Hero said: Not at all. Even if it did, you are perfect in your imperfections and that is why I love you.

He said: Ummm...yeah. I mean...I mean...kinda.

I don’t know…should I have the filet or the lobster?

Hero said: I’ll order the filet, you order the lobster; we’ll have both.

He said: Is the salad an option?

30! 3.0. Ugh!

Hero said: Think of it this way -- you’re beyond all the gross insecurities and uncertainty that plagued your late teens and twenties. You’re at an age where you’re coming into yourself. Aware and finally ready to enjoy life.

He said: Yep, it’s all down hill from here.

How do I look?

Hero said: Great/beautiful/sexy/gorgeous/Wow. Just…wow!

He said: Fine.

*sniffle* *weep* *cry*

Hero said: Want a hug?

He said: That time of the month?

We need to talk.

Hero said: Of course. Let’s talk.

He said: [audible sigh] Again?

Wanna snuggle?

Hero said: Seriously? Love to.

He said: Seriously? Is it Sunday? Already?

Oh, and abs. Heroes have six packs, Honeys have kegs. More to love, right?


Susan said...

Bethany, I loved your post! Between laughs I was nodding yes to each one. :)

Anonymous said...

LOL! Great post, Bethany!

Christie Craig said...

Great post. Thanks for the laugh.

Crime Scene Christie

Gemma Halliday said...

So true.


Unknown said...

Love the post, but I don't think they make men like that. I have never seen one myself. But it would be great.

Angie Fox said...

LOL So true! There's also a difference between dating man and married man. When we were first going out, my husband-to-be Jim gave the most amazing foot rubs. He enjoyed making me feel better after a long day. Fast forward to married Jim, who (after avoiding many foot rubs) finally confessed to me that he can't stand feet.

Ah, romance!

Jenyfer Matthews said...

Too funny!

And Angie - love the image of your hubby happily giving you foot rubs as he cringes inside!!

Lucy said...

Too true.

Angie - the image of pre-marriage and marriage is also, so true. :-)

Dru said...

Love it. It is so true. Good post.

Minna said...


Estella said...

Yes, Yes, Yes!

Nathalie said...

Great post... very funny!

Anonymous said...

I could not stop laughing. I love posts that are funny!

Kathy Bacus said...

Ain't it the truth, Bethany? No wonder all our heroes are fictional.

And Angie, your foot rub story is hilarious. Thanks for sharing that slice of married life! Hehe.