No Fatalities or Accidents in 7,120 Days!

Tuesday was our 20th wedding anniversary. That's right, me and Mr. Assassin have been happily married for two decades. You know, I always thought we'd spend this iconic day on a beach somewhere. Well, technically speaking, Tom is in the sand. That's calling the glass of vodka half full, right?

Here's how I celebrated:

Jack forgot his lunch. How did I know? Found the dogs playing tug-of-war with one of his peanut butter sandwhiches on the carpet. I had to run it to him, making me late for work.

Spent my lunch hour at the post office buying one stamp. You heard me. One. And arguing with the postmaster because the turquoise ski mask I sent Jana one week ago, 2-day express, hadn't shown up yet and they, for some reason, couldn't track it. Managed to race to Wendy's and scarf down a double stack with cheese, tomato and mayo before reaching my desk.

Struggled all afternoon with a graphic design problem before I realized that it would work with only two mouse clicks.

Margaret called to say she was sent home with fever and a bad headache. The school nurse coyly tossed around the words "swine" and "flu."

Got this text from Bernie, "Leslie, please bring knives." If I had a nickel for everytime someone said that to me...

The cub scout meeting was one hour of anarchy and chaos when one of the boys said the word "eyenipple" while reading a report on the American flag. Eyenipple?

Jack won the popcorn sale for the den by $3. This means in two weeks, he gets to hit me in the face with a pie. He spent the whole walk home telling me how excited he was to finally get his revenge. Revenge?

Watched the pilot episode of "V." Told my kids how much I loved this show back in the eighties. Jack and Margaret tell me that twenty-eight years is like eternity and they can't believe I'm still alive.

And somehow, I am just not convinced that this all "fun-size" Snickers diet is working.

Oh well. Today is another day...right?

The Assassin