All I Want for Christmas is...

I know Christmas isn't about receiving. As the mother of four teenagers, I know this. As the mother of multiples who received a pair of socks the year I gave birth to triplets I get it. Really I do. Christmas is not about material things. If you gauge your holiday cheer by the quantity and quality of the haul you bring in at the end of the day, you're bound to be disappointed. Christmas is about something bigger. Something that has nothing to do with Nintendo Wii, Iphones, or Ipods.

But every once in a while I like to sit down and write out a list for the jolly ol' elf with the long white beard--just for fun--and just for the heck of it. So, here goes.

Dear Santa:

I've been a very good girl this year. (Okay, so 'girl' is probably pushing it. All right, fine. So the 'good' part is open for debate, too. I write fiction, after all.)

First off, Santa baby, this year I'd really like a car that actually starts when you put the key in it and turn it. Or alternatively, for mechanics to figure out why I've gone through three car batteries in three years. It's getting to the point that as soon as I jump in my vehicle I say a couple of 'Hail Marys' and perform the sign of the cross--and I'm not even Catholic.

Secondly, Ho Ho, I really could have used a nice, lightweight chainsaw this week (or a great-looking lumberjack type who works cheap). I went out to tackle the limbs in the front yard armed with nothing but a trusty tree saw. I ended up breaking the 'untrusty' tree saw in the first ten minutes and spent the rest of the morning breaking off limbs (tree variety) through sheer brute strength (and aided by overt, seething rage). By evening I was so sore I couldn't raise my hands above chest-height without screaming in pain. I collapsed on the living room sofa and spent the evening moaning.

Next, St. Nick, I could use a nice, long vacation somewhere that never, ever sees snow! After plowing through a revision request that made me want to poke my eyes out, losing power in the middle of the process, and busting my keester to get the revisions out ahead of schedule only to have them delivered two days late, ( I bet you wouldn't have been late!) has made me a little--testy. So a lovely white sand beach somewhere wouldn't go amiss.

Also, Kris, there's the little niggling issue of that next Calamity Jayne book due March 1st. You know the one. The one being downright stubborn and refusing to write itself. Bend over, would you, Santa, and take a looky see in that bag of yours and see if there's a go-getter muse in there with Bullet Hole's name on it.

A glowing Publishers Weekly review for my April book would be nice, as well, Santa. Feel free to throw in super sales, and the odd movie rights option.

And no one would believe this was my list, Santa, if I didn't include a request for a set of adult-sized cuddleduds and a thick pair of wool socks.

But most important of all, Mr. Claus, I really, really, really want health, happiness, joy, peace, and love for my family and friends this year.

So, what is on YOUR Christmas list this year?

~Bullet Hole Bacus wishing you all a very, merry Christmas~