Friday, November 05, 2010

The Mouths of Babes

My son has always had a knack for saying the right thing at the wrong time. For example, his first week of pre-school, the teacher told all the kids it was time to clean up the blocks and get ready for quiet time. Did my son clean up quietly? No. I picked up a block, threw it on the floor and yelled, “Dammit!” Which of course, prompted every other three-year old within ear shot to start a chorus of “dammit”s. Sigh. I told his teacher I was so sorry, I had no idea where he’d learned such language, probably from his grandmother. (Sorry, Mom!)

But things have gotten only more fun with age.

Fast forward several years… Every morning I drive my son the ten minutes from our house to his school. Usually, I’m still in a caffeine deprived state at that time, me and early mornings not having the healthiest of relationships. Such was the case this past week when we were stopped at a red light on the way to school, and The Boy looks up at the building on the right and asks, “What’s an Elks Lodge?”

Me: I dunno. Some charity organization for retired men.
The Boy: Like, old men?
Me: Sure.
The Boy: So, what do the old men do there?
Me: I dunno. Sit around and talk about their prostates?

As you can tell, I’m kinda snarky pre-caffeine.
So, a couple days later I’m in the car with The Boy and my mom on the way to do some shopping. We pass by the same route, and The Boy pipes up from the backseat, “Look, Grandma, it’s the Elks Lodge, where old men sit around and talk about their prostitutes!”

Um, yeah. Guess I can’t blame that one on grandma, huh?

Okay, lay it on me - what crazy embarrassing things have your kids said?


krisgils33 said...

I'm pretty confident I'm the only person on the planet who's 2 year old daughter said the word douche bag at the BAPTIST church day care. It was an exceedingly proud moment for me. Since everyone knows I talk like a truck driver (sorry if I'm offending the truck drivers!!), I couldn't blame it on anyone else!!

Kathy Bacus said...

One time we were at a large retail store and my son pointed at a gentleman in the aisle and said in a very loud voice, "Look Mommy. That man has a bigga butt." Needless to say, I swooped him up (my son not the fellow with the large fanny) and got the heck out of there.

Since I raised triplets, I have more than a few 'mortifying moments' that can still make me cringe.


Robin Kaye said...

With my kids, you just never know what's gonna come out of their mouths. I'll never forget taking my oldest to his first day at a new school. He was in first grade and his teacher was Mrs. Heck. On the walk back to his class, he mistakenly called her Mrs. Hell--it went downhill from there.

I've picked up my youngest from a play date, only to have the mother bring me a list of all the funny things my daughter said during her 2 or 3 hours there. What she didn't seem to grasp was that this happened all the time. With all three kids. God help me.

I start every school year with a blanket apology and a warning to the teachers that my youngest is incredibly funny but is still learning the boundaries of humor. I ask that they don't laugh at the inappropriate comments--and believe me, there are many. I know, it's almost impossible. The kid is me without a filter. She says exactly (usually word for word) what I think.

When my youngest took the personality test to give her an idea of the occupations she would be good at, Stand-up Comic was number one.

Gemma Halliday said...

Lol! These are great. I'm SO glad I'm not the only one.

I have hope for Baby T still... he can't talk yet. ;)


Diane Kelly said...

My son came home from school the other day and asked what "p**ntang" was. Apparently a girl had used the word in class. At least we were in the car alone when he asked. And, yes, I burst out laughing. Also told him to stay away from the girl who'd used the word - sounds like the type who'll end up on Jerry Springer someday.

Tori Lennox said...

Reading these makes me glad I don't have kids. LOL!

Draven Ames said...

Very cute post. I like how you use your kid in your post. My blog also interviews my children about books. I think children can give us an amazingly fresh, honest look at the world. When someone is fat, they call them fat, though we remind them not to. PC has not been shoved down their throat as much yet.

Don't worry, they will get there.

There are so many funny things to go over. People have some funny comments. I like Kathy's kid, sounds funny. My youngest kid has all the ladies and my oldest is a genius. Okay, I'm a bit biased and very proud.

Lets see, funny things my kids do. My youngest son tried to convince everyone that he was half shark. To prove his point, anytime we went swimming in the hot tub, even when cold, he would jump under the hose. He'd turn on cold water and say he wanted to get his skin used to freezing temperatures, so he'd be ready for diving.

Interesting. He never did bite anyone,

Draven Ames