Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Hump? What Hump...

Well...hellllllllo there!

I am actually writing this on Sunday. Monday, my hump goes under the knife. That's right, the ganglion cyst that has taken up residence on my right wrist, is outta here. It's huge - about 1.5 inches in diameter and the bastard hurts (obviously, my ganglion cyst is male).

Anyway, the surgery will be followed by a blissful, Vicodin-induced coma till Thursday. Wait...Mr. A tells me it won't actually be a coma - that these are just pain pills.

He's wrong. It's all in how you abuse them that matters. That is the secret to a good coma.

So on Friday, the doctor's office calls with the following instructions:
  • Stop eating by 7am that morning - something I'm not at all sure is possible to do. I can guarantee you I'll be eating everything in the kitchen at 6:45am.

  • Wear loose, comfortable clothing - I don't get this one. I could understand not wearing long sleeves, but I wasn't planning on showing up to the surgery dressed like one of the People of Walmart. Makes me wonder what they have seen to make up a rule like that.

  • No jewelry whatsoever - I asked about earrings - no, a necklace - no, my tongue stud, no (okay, so I don't have tongue stud, but I was rather curious).

What exactly is going to happen to me that I need to wear a mumu and no jewelry, I wonder. Apparently I will swell up the size of a Macy's parade float.

And I really don't care as long as I lose the hump and get 36hours of sleep and hopefully, a pain pill addiction.

I'll check in on the blog Wednesday, but I have to warn you that I won't be responsible for anything I say.
Could be interesting.

The Assassin

9 comments:

Robin Kaye said...

Good luck with the surgery, I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Enjoy your narcotic holiday!

TerriOsburn said...

Ah, the joys of vicodin. That's good stuff.

Hope you're feeling better today. And I never claim responsibility for the things I say. What fun is that?

Zita said...

Well, good luck. Umm...break a leg?

At least the timing is right for being a parade float :-)

Jana DeLeon said...

I will be doing "hump" removal on my foot at the beginning of next year. Already looking forward to that drug-induced coma part. :)

Hope you feel better soon!

Suzan Harden said...

Vicodin is the greatest! It knocks me out and no pain whatsoever. Enjoy your opiate holiday!

With Darvocet, I still feel the pain but I just don't care. It's the one drug where I've got to worry about what I say. Apparently I had a very humorous phone conversation with a good friend while on Darvocet eight years ago. She still reminds me of it everytime we have lunch.

Mo said...

I hope the surgery went well and you are having a laid back recovery. I have always enjoy a few days of drug induced sleep following surgery (8 so far and hopefully no more). Nothing like a good rest to help you heal.

Leslie Langtry said...

thanks guys! may the vicodin fairy be generous to you all!

Christie Craig said...

Leslie,

I'm sending you all kind of get well vibes.

Take care.

CC

larryhutson said...

Hope your surgery went well!

Loose clothing: because squeezing into leather pants and tube top is markedly harder after getting anesthesia

Jewelry and metal: the wonder of modern electrocautery. It's the way surgeons keep people from bleeding when they operate. Way it works is a pad is put on your body (usually the thigh) and connected to a machine. The bovie (like a pen with a metal tip) is in the surgeons hand. When he hits a button, it completes a circuit between the patient and the machine, with an arc happening at the tip of the bovie. This cauterizes bleeding.

Now imagine you have a piece of metal in your body that gets in the way of that circuit. It is possible (not 100%, but not 0) that the tissue around the metal piece would also cauterize. Sizzle goes your tongue.

And yes, the eating restrictions are extremely important. Nothing will land you in the ICU faster than - literally - inhaling your breakfast while under anesthesia.

From: a devoted blog reader and practicing anesthesiologist.