Tuesday, March 10, 2009

What A Woman Really Wants in Romance


Okay...my hubby reached into the hat of names and pulled out more than one. So . . . here's my winners:





Email me at christie (@) christie (-) craig.com and give me your snail mail address and I'll get you an ARC of Gotcha. By the way...this ARC is extra special. It's written by Christie Graig. GRAIG! Yup...they got my name wrong in the header of the book. Let's hope it's fixed in the real book.

Thanks to everyone who played along and visited Barbara Vey's party. The party is still going on, too. So pop over there. And I swear...some of you really know how to party. I won't name names, but there was someone frisking all the guys. Hmmm?

Today’s the day I’m giving away an ARC, an advanced reader copy, of Gotcha! my June release. So make sure you post a comment. Plus read below about an opportunity to win other great books over at Barbara Vey’s anniversary party going on all week long.

What a Woman Really Wants in Romance

(Previously published as a guest blog over at TJ Bennett’s blog land.)

I remember being in first grade and coming home and asking my mom if she’d put my hair up in pigtails the next day for school. She rolled her eyes at me in disbelief because that very morning I’d thrown a hissy fit because I hadn’t wanted to wear my hair up in pigtails. But I had good reasons for my change of heart. And you can bet it involved matters of the heart, too. You see, I’d watched a neighborhood boy named Calvin, whom I liked, pull on the pigtails of another little girl named Mary. Surely, if I wore my hair like hers, he would pull my pigtails instead of Mary’s.

At age six, I didn’t care if that boy had a six pack or a sexy gait. His toothless smile and freckles made my stomach flutter. I didn’t care that his mode of transportation, an old paint-chipped bike that had belonged to his brother, wasn’t the hottest on the block. Frankly, I didn’t really care, or even want, to get my hair pulled, either. What I wanted was . . . his attention.

As I grew older, like most girls, what I looked for in a man changed a bit. Don’t judge me, but I’ll confess, I got to that place where I preferred my men with teeth. And when I got to high school, freckles weren’t a plus either. And yes, in time I started noticing six packs and sexy bad-boy smiles, and I’ll admit it, I wouldn’t have been happy with a man whose mode of transportation was a paint-chipped bike.

My point isn’t that love, or our search for it, is superficial. I think the whole attraction thing is somewhat physiological. We are instinctively looking for a mate with good genes, and how he fits into his jeans is sure to catch our eyes. We are looking for a mate who can help us feed and clothe ourselves and our children and that paint-chipped bike may lead us to believe he won’t be a good provider.

But you know, when I look deep into romance, at what a woman really wants and what my romance heroine’s want, I can tell you that some things are the same as they were on that playground years ago. Women want to know that of all the girls pumping their legs on the swing set, going up and down on the seesaw, that you are the one he wants. It’s your pigtails he wants to pull. Women want a man’s full attention; they want to be the thing he’ll do anything to attain--even if it means spending his whole recess chasing you around the school’s backyard.

As I write my novels, I try to remember this about romance. Sure, I add plenty of hard abs and bedroom smiles. Hey, sex is part of a good romance. And you can bet your bottom dollar that my heroes have all their teeth. Nevertheless, these two people get together because there just isn’t anyone else whom they would choose to share their lives with. Like most romances, my characters may not know this in the beginning, but while playing on life’s playground, (which for my heroine in my book, Divorced, Desperate and Dating, means avoiding a killer, resisting a bad-boy’s charm, and using a tampon to defend herself) they suddenly realize that this other person is the one.

Today, after twenty-four years of marriage, when I look over at my husband, I’m kind of glad I didn’t hook up with Calvin. I won’t lie, my hubby no longer has a six pack—not that it’s all gone to pot, mind you. His bedroom smile still makes my stomach flutter, and of course he still has all his teeth. But more importantly, he still somehow makes me feel like the prettiest girl on the playground.

And isn’t that what a woman really wants? To be made to feel beautiful and desirable—to know you are his one and only.

So now it’s your turn. How do you define romance? What is it that you really want? The garbage taken out, roses, or a sexy bad-boy smile. Or how about all of the above?

Remember…post a comment to be entered in my drawing for an autographed copy of Gotcha! And . . . if you want your name entered twice for my drawing, all you have to do is jump over to Barbara’s Vey’s blog and say you read about her blog at Killer Fiction. Plus, this week Barbara is giving away over 200 books, one of which is a copy of Gotcha!, as well as copies of my other novels and two copies of The Everything Guide to Writing A Romance Novel. So make sure you post. See ya at the party!


Anonymous said...

After almost 3 decades with my hubby it still makes my heart flutter when he reaches for my hand. I love his touch when we're walking or just sitiing on the sofa or at the dinner table. .... Mo

Anonymous said...

Just the fact that he is nervous around me and doesn't always know what to do makes for interesting things. Like when he asked me to be his girlfriend.....he started by asking if I changed my status on Facebook, and I had no idea what he was talking about. Then he said "so...will you be my girlfriend?". It was so sweet and I of course said yes, because I mean who wouldn't have.

I like the traditional things, such as holding my hand and not asking what type of undies I like,lol. But of course i'd like everything you mentioned too, but if you don't get it, it's okay because chances are he has something else entirely that makes your heart pound and your stomach ache.

Anonymous said...

Great blog, Christie!

I swung by the party at Barbara's blog - it's way too early for those mini hotdogs of yours (but I stashed some for later.) Looks like it'll be a fun party.


Anonymous said...

I always fell for the blonde haired blue eyed devils with the bedroom eyes. Fortunately, I married one. LOL He still has a goofy grin and a great sense of humor. He actually proposed over the phone!!!. When we're in a crowd he always stands close and holds my hand and still opens doors for me. Little things like that make me think of romance.

Still recovering from the flu bug

Lucy said...

It can be a look they give. Or getting something unexpected because they were thinking about you when they were out. Just...simple things.

Great post, by the way (as always).

Christie Craig said...


Isn't that true. Sometimes it is the simply touches that makes a heart sigh.

Thanks so much for sharing.


Christie Craig said...


That is sweet. And you're right. That can surprise us at times with something sweet that we didn't expect. Oh, they can still make goofs, but who doesn't.

Thanks so much for popping in.


Christie Craig said...

Linda C,

He proposed over the phone? Wow! That's one I've never heard. I'll bet it was sweet.

Oh, and get over that flu bug. Nasty!!!


Christie Craig said...


Don't you go stealing the hot dogs over at Barbara's party. And hey...don't drink too many of those chocolate martinis.

Make sure you guys pop over at Barbara's place.


Christie Craig said...

Hi Lucy!

I'm a sucker for those looks. You know when you're out somewhere and your eyes meet, and he just sort of smiles like...he's thinking, "I'm glad I've you babe."

Of course, it could be he's thinking, "Hey...have you seen the bathroom?" But we still gotta love 'em.


Teri Thackston said...

For me it's the iced tea he brings me when I haven't asked for it...a little thing for some, but you're right, Christie--it's knowing that I have his attention. He knows what I want.

Christie Craig said...

Hi Teri,

Thanks for stopping in.

Ahh, ice tea, coffee, we do love it when they care enough to bring us things we love. Of course, I know I supply lots of ice tea, too.

Thanks for sharing.


Anna Kathryn Lanier said...

Christie, I think you summed it up pretty well for me....romance is being made to feel as if you're the only one on the playground. The one HE can't live without. Of course, turn about is fair play, and the girl should make him feel the same way.

Anna Kathryn

Anonymous said...

My husband does make me feel like the only girl on the playground.

Neither one of us is a centerfold but I know that he still looks at me like I am.

I can't wait for the new book Christie. They make me laugh out loud.

Terri Osburn said...

This is definitely it. That thing. When he makes you feel beautiful and you know you're the only one he wants. I think it boils down to paying attention. I used to hate it when Christmas or my birthday would come around (both of which happen in the same week) and he never knew what to get me. How can you have not one single idea what the person you're with could want?!

And I started Barbara's party with some chocolate, but I'll be scooping up some of those little hot dogs around lunch time. :)

Christie Craig said...

Ahh, Anna Kathryn,

You are sooo right. We can't forget to make them feel special. They need to know that they are the only ones we want pulling our pony tails!!

Thanks so much for stopping by.

(Oh, I haven't tried your green bean recipe from your blog yet, but I'm planning on it.)


Christie Craig said...

Hi Kristi,

It all goes back to the saying that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Very few of us are center fold material, ahh, but we still need to love and be loved.

Thanks so much for stopping in. And I hope you love Gotcha! It does have some laugh-out-loud scenes.


Christie Craig said...

Hi Terrio!

Ohh, those hot dogs are good. Make sure you bring your bib!

And yup, paying attention to our likes, our dislikes, is a sure sign of affection.

Thanks for popping in.


Anonymous said...

To me it is just the little things a kiss on the cheek, grabbing my hand. knowing that after 11 years I'm still the one he wants to be with.

LuAnn said...

Romance? Someone who really cares. And yes, he may be losing his hair and getting age spots, but he still finds the little ways to say "I love you" everyday.

Christie Craig said...

Michele B.

Yup, those little things mean the world.

Thanks so much for popping over today.


Christie Craig said...


When you love someone what's a little hair loss. Now teeth...I'd like my guy to keep 'em. (SMILE)

Thanks for posting.


CrystalGB said...

For me, it is when he comes up behind me and hugs me when I am doing housework or when he leaves me a note in my purse. It isn't grand gestures but the every day events.

Wendy said...

OMG, Christie! Guess what I got this morning?!! An ARC of Gotcha! Oooeeeehhhhhh. To review. Annnd I can't wait to start reading it!


Teeth are good to have. And I even like some freckles. But humor's my numero 1 attraction. Got to make me laugh!

Christie Craig said...


I love the notes, too. When my hubby leaves town, I always try to stick a few notes in his bags so he'll find them.

He doesn't leave me as many, but he has once or twice and you're right. They are special.

Thanks for stopping by.


Christie Craig said...

Hi Wendy!

I hope you enjoy Gotcha!

And that sense of humor is right up there with teeth, girl. They gotta make me laugh.

Have a great day.


donnas said...

Great post. For me its all about the little things - holding your hand in public, surprising you with a pickup from work or a nice dinner out. A killer smile and laugh.

Christie Craig said...


I love it when hubby and I waiting in line he reaches up and rubs my shoulders. For some reason that seems to shout out to the world that he loves me.

And love hearing a man's laugh.

Thanks for stopping in.


Terry S said...

Those quiet moments of understanding and love that sometimes can seem all too infrequent in increasingly busy lives. They are to be savored.

Christie Craig said...


You are right. Those moments are too infrequent. I think we need to always look for ways to make them happen a little more often.

Thanks a mil for stopping by.


Libby Scrivener said...

Oh Christie this should come with a content warning!
"And you can bet your bottom dollar that my heroes have all their teeth."

I giggled and choked and got two co-workers to ask if I was okay ...

And going back to the e-mail that got me here - taking out the trash is a definite plus!!

Elizabeth Pina

Anonymous said...

My hubby is so sweet. When we're driving in the car, he'll reach over and gently poke my thigh. It's our little secret code for "I like you, and I'm thinking about you."

I always return the favor.


Stephanie said...

I'm still in the process of finding my Mr. Right. As I get older I know that if I had settled down after high school, I would have just been settling and not getting the man who will make me feel like I'm the only one that matters.

I agree with many others that it's a look, a touch, or simply the way he says my name. Good looks help but let's face it looks want stay the same forever.


Christie Craig said...


You know you're not supposed to snort laughter at work. LOL!!

And yup, nothing is sexier than a man holding a trashcan. LOL!!!

Thanks for stopping in.


catslady said...

Thanks for the reminder for Babarba Vey's party! It's huge lol.

Christie Craig said...


That is so sweet and funny. "Nothing says I love you more than a gentle poke in the thigh."

Seriously, my grandmother used to always reach over and rubbed my grandaddy's leg when he drove. Every now and then I do it to my hubby and I always think them.

Thanks so much for stopping in.


Christie Craig said...


There should never be any settling when it comes to the person you make a big commitment to. I think you're smart to hang in there until the right person comes along.

Here's to that happening at the right time.

Thanks so much for stopping by.


Christie Craig said...


Isn't it crazy over there!!! Barbara knows how to throw a party.

Thanks for stopping in.


Rashda Khan said...

For me, it's him waking up with me at five a.m. (my writing time) and bringing me coffee (without which I'd have such a hard time...) :)

Also, I just found out your good news with "Weddings Can be Murder." I'm so happy because I love that book! Congratulations and thanks for writing it.

And yes, I'd really like a chance at the ARC.


Refhater said...

My parents are the best example of romance I know. (I'm still single and searching.) They celebrated their 35th anniversary this last week. And even with all the stresses around them, they still make time to dance together in the kitchen every night.

plarson said...

Gotcha sounds terrific. This is my first time to blog--is that the right way to say it?-but I can't wait for a copy of your new book, Christie!

Estella said...

Romance is the little things he does for me every day.

Christie Craig said...


Oh yes. The coffee in the morning a great way to say I love you.

My hubby doesn't drink coffee, but sometimes when I forgot to make it, he will make it for me.

Thats a sure sign of love.

Thanks so much for popping in.


Christie Craig said...


Dancing in the kitchen. I love that. You need to get a video tape of that girl. It sounds precious.

Thanks for sharing.


Christie Craig said...


Thanks so much for stopping in. I hope you'll come back often.


Christie Craig said...


Sometimes I have to admit that I love my hubby just for putting up with me. I don't think I could be married to me.

Thanks so much for stopping in.


Cheryl said...

I think you summed it up just perfectly, Christie. I think it truly is the little things that make the biggest impressions on us. I've always appreciated a man's gently-guiding hand on my back as we're making our way out through a crowd.
Thanks for the reminder about Barbara's party . . . it's really wild, isn't it?

Cheryl S.

Christie Craig said...


((I've always appreciated a man's gently-guiding hand on my back as we're making our way out through a crowd.))

Love the way you said that. That hand on the back is totally awesome.

And yup, Barbara place is rocking.


Alexis said...

For me romance is husband who's willing to cook for you every night (and mine does!). He is always willing to do stuff around the house. It's also exciting when I'm out in public and I don't expect to see him...but then there he is. I think, that one's mine.

Christie Craig said...


A hubby who cooks. Wow!

My hubby cleans after I cook. He would cook, but no one would eat it. And once hubby said me that he saw me walking in my neighborhood and thought, wow, I'm a lucky guy.

I'll always remember that.

Thanks so much for stopping in.