Friday, March 27, 2009

Tales from the dressing room

This week, fed up with wearing yoga pants and sweats all the time, I finally broke down and went maternity shopping. Let me tell you, shopping for clothes that make you look like you’re smuggling an alien under your shirt while being on a hormonal cocktail is not something any woman should have to go through and be expected to keep her cool.

The first bit of horror that came my way was hen my best friend informed me, “You know, you can’t wear heels when pregnant,” Um… what?! No one told me that! But, I googled it, and she’s right. It’s a total no-no. With the changing weight, your balance is constantly just slightly off, so stilts are forbidden. Crap. I look in my closet. All the summer shoes I have are heels. And I do mean all. I do not own one single pair of flats. Sigh.

So, off to the mall I go – in search of maternity tents and flats. Yay.

The first problem I encounter is that I have no idea what size to even try on. Normally, I’m a small/medium. But, considering I’m only in month 4 of alien growing, it turns out I’m an extra small in pregnancy clothes. Okay, I admit, buying an extra small anything was kinda fun. But then I tried the clothes on and they fit perfectly. Just enough give all around to be comfortable. Which means they’re probably going to continue fitting for all of two weeks. So, I went up a size. I pulled the pants up. They promptly fell around my knees. Whimper. I ended up buying both sizes, figuring I’m gonna grow into the bigger ones and can wear the smaller ones now.

Then I look at he price tags. Holy maxed out credit cards! I had no idea that those few inches of extra fabric would make maternity clothes so expensive. Which, I think, is really unfair, because it’s not like we have a choice weather to buy them or not. Seriously, I’ll be spending my savings on truckloads of diapers, you’d think they could give me a little break in the clothing department.

No such luck.

So, with my credit card wincing, I take both pairs of pants up to the gal at the counter. Who, incidentally is about 20 and a stick figure. I hate her already. She starts ringing up my clothes and tells me that I’ve made a mistake and bought two different sizes. I tell her one is for now, one is for when I grow later. She shakes her perky little head. “No,” she tells me. “These clothes are made so the belly panel grows with you. You’re supposed to get the same size you normally are in regular clothes and it wilt fit the whole time.”

Clearly, she never grown an alien inside her.

I calmly tell her, “That might work if I only grew in the belly. But that doesn’t happen. Everything from about your knees up to your neck expands both front to back and side to side when you’re pregnant.”
(Or, as I had to explain to my son the other day, “Mommy’s butt grow in order to balance out her growing tummy so she doesn’t fall forward.”)

So, Stick Figure wrinkles her nose in an “eww, gross” gesture. Then the wise little twit informs me, “Well, your butt isn’t supposed to grow.”

I’m amazed that no big butted, hormonal pregnant woman has strangled the life out of this thing yet.

I hand her my credit card, tell her to shut up if she values her life and ring up the pants, then make a bee-lie for the nearest Mrs. Fields and calm my self down with a white chocolate macadamia nut cookie. Then wish ten children on stick figure girl. Preferably all twins. Bwahahahaha!

On the upside, I did manage to buy a bunch of cute outfits. As expensive as they were, I found it’s actually not a myth that pregnancy fashions have gotten better in the last few years. So, here are my buys that managed to be cute, comfortable, go with flats, and still expand with the alien growth:

These pants with this top, perfect for summer! Plus, the pants can go either full length or capri, so they work even on those breezy evenings.

Adorable top and a maternity min skirt. Yes, I may be pregnant, and I may have to give up my heels - but I'm still wearing a mini-skirt!

And the shoes. Oddly enough, there are some really pretty flats out there. Who knew?

~Trigger (and flats!) Happy Halliday


Estella said...

Boy, those clothes are a lot nicer than what were available when I had my children(1962-1970).

Keri Ford said...

girl, you need you a pair of tennis shoes.

Looks like you found some cute things though!

Terri Osburn said...

I think I went through my entire pregnancy with one pair of pants. That's what I wore to work. The rest of the time I just wore my ex's clothes. LOL! He was a big boy so it worked perfectly. And I was in podunk AR so not the fashion capital of the world anyway.

Those outfits are nice and I have to give you extra credit for not stapling that chick's lips shut. How could she work in THAT store and be so clueless?

Great outfits! Hope you're feeling good and doing well. And I'll second the rec for tennis shoes. :)

Christie Craig said...

Ahh, Gemma, I know you are going to look adoranle in these outfits, girl.

And I tell you what, when I'm out in your area, I'll come help you beat up stick lady...Not just because I like you, but just because . . . LOL.


Anonymous said...

Try Target. They even have a new designer just for maternity. Sometimes I accidently wander over into that section and have 3 items over my arm before I realize I'm in the big belly section! The clothes are so cute and not matronly at all. And flats are in girl. Pair them with leggings-totally cute. You will almost not even miss your heels. And if that doesn't work, don't forget, jewelry fits all the time.

Elisabeth Naughton said...

Thank you for these pregnancy flashbacks. They are the best form of birth control out there. ;)

Your outfits are adorable. You will look fahhhhhbulous, darling. Since we both have 10 yr olds I can confirm your claim that the clothes are 100 times better now, aren't they? And I have to say, I think you showed incredible restraint by not crawling over the counter and shoving your credit card down Stick Figure's throat. Bravo!

Gemma Halliday said...

Thanks for the encouragement, everyone! I can so use it.

I do have to say though... yesterday in one of my new cute outfits, I actually got hit on by a stranger at Starbucks. Guess he didn't see the belly. ;) Talk about ego boost. I needed that.


Anonymous said...

Those are adorable maternity clothes. I wore stretch pants and extra large tee shirts the whole time I was pregnant. Not great looking, but comfy.

Jenyfer Matthews said...

I second Targets. They have some nice things there for affordable prices.

Oh - and be prepared for your feet to grow. There were only a few pairs of pre-pregnancy shoes I fit in after all was said and done. Wear your favorites while you can because you may have to say goodbye to them in a few months. But don't be sad - just think of all the NEW shoes in your future :)

Angie Fox said...

Those are cute! And you know what? I did wear heels occasionally when pregnant. Sometimes you just need it. Like with everything else, moderation is key. :)