Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Contests & Hornworm Porn

Winner, Winner, Winner.

Tori Lennox, you won the drawing for the note cards. Please shoot me your snail mail address to my website email addy.

Congrats and thanks for posting.

And guys, don't forget to enter the trivia contest. I'm already getting some entries.

Crime Scene Christie





Today is the last blog day for the release month of my latest book, Weddings Can Be Murder. And I’m holding two contests today. One is for a pack of my personal note cards, and all you have to do is post a comment to be entered. The other, well, it’s the biggie prize. The “Pamper Me Like a Bride Basket” which will include, a Tee-shirt, note cards, chocolate, candles, books, and some other goodies.

Here’s how it works: Hopefully, you’ve bought a copy of Weddings Can Be Murder. (If not, you still have time, because you’ve got a week to enter the contest.) Below you will find trivia questions about the plot and characters of Weddings. All you have to do is answer them and . . . email me the answers at christie(@) christie-craig (.) com. All emails with the correct answers will be entered into the drawing. I will announce the winner next week on the blog. So make sure you pop back in next week so you can shoot me your snail mail if you are the lucky winner.

Now…on to my life lesson for the day.

If you know anything about writing, you’ve probably heard the saying, “Write what you know.” Well, as a photographer, I’ve learned the lesson, “Know what you photograph.” And while looking for images to include in this piece, I found another valuable lesson to include. “Know what you eat!” And the only reason I include the last lesson is because it’s so appropriate for the Wedding Trivia.

Now, here’s something you don’t know about me. I’m a horticultural photographer, I do a lot of garden photography. Unfortunately, because I shoot plants, doesn’t mean I know crap about them, or that I can garden. Nope, in addition to be being a horticultural photographer, I’m pretty much a horticultural serial killer. I’ll blog more about this later, but that’s just to give you a bit background.

Anyway, almost every year my husband and I attempt to grow a small veggie garden. Considering my dark side, it generally doesn’t work out. Normally, things either never get out of seed form, or die in infancy. But then this one year we actually had tomato plants grow to be big and strong. They blossomed with pretty yellow flowers that would soon turn into tasty tomatoes. Then it happened. We walked outside to see our beautiful sturdy plants, only to find something missing. Like the entire head of my one of my tomato plants. Gone. Decapitated. And duh, if someone’s gonna kill these plants, it should be me!

Then my hubby sees the culprit—a large very fierce-looking worm with a horn on top of its head. It was also kind of pretty, bright red horn, beautiful butterfly-like patterns tattooed on its wormy skin.

Hubby, who knows everything, (just ask him,) told me it was a tomato hornworm, that they could eat an entire tomato plant in hours. Well, the fierce-looking creature had to go, but it was too pretty to kill. Hey, I kill plants not bugs. But just because I don’t kill ‘em, doesn’t mean I won’t take advantage of them. I saw myself selling a short filler article about tomato hornworms, so I snagged my camera.

Hubby, who knows everything, helps me. I get my close up lens, my tripod, I’m ready to shoot me some worm. But while I’m willing to shoot a worm, I’m not willing to touch a worm, (Did I not tell you it was fierce looking?) so hubby places the worm on tomato plant. After the long, trying photo shoot, we reward the worm by taking him to our neighbor’s garden, the man who is always rubbing his horticultural successes in our faces. (Hey, all’s fair in horticultural war.)

When I get my slides back, I’m blown away by the sharp images. Oddly, I never took a good shot of the entire body, but hey, close-ups are hard to do, plus it was the colorful head/horn that really was worthy of photographing. Then I went to do my research, you know, the quick filler material to include in the piece and . . . well, I learned two things:

1) We’d been outsmarted by a flashy hornworm.
2) My husband doesn’t know everything.

You see, the colored horn isn’t on the worm’s head, it’s on the worm’s butt. It was meant to fool predators who would go for the throat and come away with only a bite of butt. I’m guessing it was also meant to show up photographers with know-it-all hubbies who might hang the worm upside down and proceed to take pictures of its ass. Yup, I was fooled into shooting worm porn.

So…know what you write, know what you photograph and as for the “know what you eat”? Well, while looking for good picture of a tomato hornworm’s ass, (I tossed my hornworm porn for fear the FBI would discover it) I found this: http://www.olympus.net/dggordon/EatASample.htm and I just have to say… “That worm was lucky all I did was take pictures and didn’t serve him up for dinner.”

Now, on to the trivia questions:

1) What did Katie do that reminded Carl of his mother during the end of her life?
2) What kind of worms did Carl eat?
3) What actor did Carl remind Katie of?
4) What was the catch word that Katie said was not Ray-like to say, and yet she ended up saying it a lot and even used it in the last few paragraphs of the book?
5) Name at least one of the dogs that Carl got stuck with?
6) What weapon did Katie use to take down the killer?
7) What scene in the book will encourage men nationwide to help women with household chores?


Remember, send me the answers at my email address listed above. But don’t forget to post a comment, tell me about one of your life lessons, or about seeing Weddings.

Crime Scene Christie

31 comments:

Faye Hughes said...

Christie,

This is too funny. I never knew that there was horticultural porn. lol.

Faye

Angie Fox said...

You had me at hornworm porn. Thanks for a post that had me giggling over my breakfast cereal. I have no sage words this morning, only smiles.

Christie Craig said...

Well, duh, look at the picture of the Hornworm. . . does that not look a little pornish?

Crime Scene Christie

Christie Craig said...

Hi Angie,

No Sage words? Goodness girl, from what I hear about your soon-to-be released book, The Accidental Demon Slayer, there are plenty of sage and otherwise great words.

I'm looking forward to picking it up. Oh, and you're guest blogging for us too.

Thanks for posting.

Crime Scene Christie

Suzan Harden said...

Folks shouldn't be surprised about the worm porn. You've proudly displayed lizard porn on your website.

Christie Craig said...

Suzan,

Okay...I was wondering if anyone would point that out. Leave it to you. :-)

Thanks for posting girl.

Crime Scene Christie

terrio said...

Dang it, I'm only about half way through the book and therefore cannot answer #'s 6 & 7. Must read faster. LOL!

Worm porn. Anyone else wondering if that horn might be used for more than fooling his enemies? Just me? Figures.

No sage words today. Except maybe when that urge to crawl back into bed and hide from world comes over you, follow the urge. *sigh*

Christie Craig said...

Terrio,

I hate to admit it, but I wondered about that horn, too. Well, at least I did when I found out it was on the lower end and not the upper end.

Here's hoping your day get better girl. I hate days where I feel as if I would have been better off keeping the covers over my head.

Thanks for stopping by.

Crime Scene Christie

Jenyfer Matthews said...

That is hysterical! And you know, what with the story about losing your original domain, the lizard and now the worm, you are developing a real theme in your blogging...

:D

When I was still living at home, my dad grew tomatoes in our back yard. They got to be so tall (southern Louisiana) that he had to tie them to the eave of the roof! He'd go out there every evening to water them (if it hadn't rained) and to check them for those gross worms. He had no qualms about killing them though - he'd pick them off and cut them up with his pocket knife. He was a country boy. Me? I think I'd go with some sort of powder...

Ms Terry in Gadsden said...

ok Chirstie , you always make me and everyone who reads your post laugh. as i was reading your blog today i saw the word SHOOT many times. and in the email you used the word shoot twice. saying to me shoot me your address and i will shoot you the package.
Now you must have shooting on the brain.
so i just tought i would shoot you this comment and let you know i'll shoot your fans here a line and let them know the package is being shot over in the next day or so. LOL.

im still so excited that your so busy. Well shoot im kinda thrilled.

Kim Lenox said...

Oh, eek! We had those things. They are huge!

Leave it to you, Christie, to help me see monstrous green worms in a new and exciting light!

Keri Ford said...

well that big creepy thing took care of my lunch appetite, oh well, I overloaded on breakfast.

And what is it with husbands and that whole they know everything thing? I often have to tell him, "that's right, don't listen to my suggestion, shoot down my rigging skills that always work in the end because you know everything!"

Tori Lennox said...

LOL re the hornworm porn!!!

Christie Craig said...

Jenyfer,

Hmmm...I think you may have a point about the theme. I'm going to have to watch that! :-)

And yeah, your dad's knife approach would have sent me over the edge. Those things look like small fat snakes.

Crime Scene Christie

Christie Craig said...

Terry,

Yup. Shoot is the word of the day. Didn't you get that memo?

Why, shoot!

Thanks for posting. And for being my Gadsden resource to sell my books.

Crime Scene Christie

Christie Craig said...

Kim,

I'm so glad I could spark your imagination. Anytime I can help.

Thanks for posting.

Crime Scene Christie

Christie Craig said...

Keri,

You appetite left? Why? Didn't you check out the website telling you how to fry those worms? I mean...YUCK!

And men are wired to think they have all the answers. They know every thing. And frankly, the fact that my husband does know a lot, annoys the heck out of me!

Crime Scene Christie

Christie Craig said...

Tori,

I'm sure I've started a trend with Hornworm porn. I'll bet a new magazine, an offshoot of Play Boy, will be on the stands next week.

Thanks for posting girl.

Crime Scene Christie

flchen1 said...

Christie, ewww! Awesome photos, even if they are porn ;) And a big ol' yuck on the hornworm snacks... gag! Not a big fan here of worms of any kind, in any form. Blech!

Christie Craig said...

Flchen1,

Hey...I'm with you girl. Yuck on any worms.

Thanks for posting.

Crime Scene Christie

catslady said...

So is the picture on your post not of your doing? It seems to be right side up lol. I remember trying to grow squash one year and these ugly green worms burrowed inside the vine killing everything - yuk.

Christie Craig said...

Catslady,

The picture on my blog is not my own. I didn't even photograph the entire bug, just the poor creature's butt--which in my defense, I thought was the head.

And yes, they are nasty. But it was colorful and had markings like a butterfly. I think these worms actually grow into some kind of a flying insect.

Thanks for posting.

Crime Scene Christie

Lucy said...

I was hoping you were going to post a picture of the tomato worm's backside! I've never heard of (or seen) a tomato worm!

And I also am a plant killer. I don't mean to be, I just am. I was living at home and I took care of everything but the plants when my parents traveled (which was 6 to 9 months out of the year)because even though my sister didn't live there and wasn't reliable, the plants had a better chance of survival if she was in charge of them.

For secretary's day this year, I was given an orchid by someone I sort of support. It was dying and a friend (secret crush guy or SCG - not the one who gave it to me, by the way) took it from me to save it. SCG went on a business trip last week and asked me to water it while he was gone. Let's just say there are no blooms left and leave at that, shall we?

Fun post, as always Christie. :)

Lucy said...

Okay, I'm blind...you did post the picture.

Oh, and I forgot to mention, I have ordered your book - just waiting for it to arrive. :)

Christie Craig said...

Thanks Lucy.

So we have another thing in common, girl. I don't mean to kill the poor plants either. I swear when I go to Plants Of All Season the plants start to shake in fear.

Thanks for posting. And a big thank you for ordering my book.

Crime Scene Christie

moshell45 said...

I just started reading your blogs and they are just as funny as the books. I can't wait to read what comes next, both on here and in the stories.

Christie Craig said...

Moshell45,

Thanks for stopping in. At Killer Fiction we love to laugh. The more the better.

Thanks for posting.

Crime Scene Christie

Jana DeLeon said...

A horn on the butt??? Now that's a new form of birth control that I never even thought of! Absolutely hilarious, Christie!

Christie Craig said...

Jana,

You're right. I'd stay away from a guy with a horn on his butt. Well, maybe if he was Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt . . .

Okay. . . I'm bad.

Thanks for posting.

Crime Scene Christie

bookmobiler said...

What would be the niche market for Play Worm? Robins? Or just any early bird?
Cutting the worm in half does seem drastic. But I think shooting them might be worse.

Christine said...

I saw one of those worms for the first time last summer. No porn was involved fortunately. Hmm...lizard porn. Can't say I've seen that!