Monday, April 28, 2008

The Diet Wars

For any of you who spent your Sunday enjoying the fantastic weather (or freezing your buns off depending on where you live), please scroll down and read yesterday's interview with mystery writer, Wendy Roberts. Great information from a great author!

So if you've been reading the blog for a while, you know I've been on the big lose weight push. Lots of people struggle with weight loss and I'm no different - I've been fighting weight since my early 20's. It seems about the time I started taking hormone, even air put weight on me. Before that, I was a disgusting 100 pounds or so in high school - at 5'8" - and could outeat my entire household at one sitting. Then WHAM - it all changed and eating as I knew it was never the same.

A while back, I came across something I wrote for a company newsletter about 18 years ago, and I thought you might enjoy it. So without further ado -

DIARY OF A 3-HOUR DIETER (Monday morning)

8:00 Tell Ellen that I'm starting a diet and plan to lose 5 pounds by next week.
8:15 Have breakfast - 3 grapes and a cracker.
8:30 Budget variance meeting is disrupted when my stomach decides to speak up in protest of shortened due dates. Everyone stares.
8:32 Try killing hunger pains with a piece of cardboard disguised as a rice cake.
8:50 Stan stops by to say that my dress is getting too tight.
9:00 Sneak into breakroom and add a dash of aloe vera juice to Stan's bottled water stash.
9:15 Find myself licking Sweet-n-Low packages as I refill my coffee.
9:45 Can't take it any more, I have to have chocolate. Quickly transfer change from my purse to my pocket. Sneak around through the Regulatory Department and into the vending room. Buy M&M's. Dash into the bathroom in Stall #3. Pour the M&M's in my mouth and swallow them whole. Flush the incriminating evidence and leave before the subsequent flood gets my shoes wet. Dash back to my desk. Glance around at my workmates. I don't think anyone's noticed.
10:20 That bitty Ellen calls to see how the diet is going and to tell me the bathroom is closed until further notice.
10:45 Norma stops in to say that 150 pounds of her 200 pounds is the baby, and she will lose it all at the birth, restoring her weight to its original 50 pounds.
11:00 Throw in the towel and call Ellen. "What's for lunch."

By the way - I had a home gym installed on Saturday. :)

So did anyone else ever take a stab at writing short shorts for anything? Do any comedy? Well, if you did, I'd love to see it. In fact, I'd love to see it so much that I'm offering signed copies of RUMBLE and UNLUCKY for the best submission.

So email your brilliance to killercontest (at) gmail (dot) com.

Winner announced in a couple of weeks!

Deadly (dieting) DeLeon

21 comments:

Jenyfer Matthews said...

I've got a million of these sorts of things. I took a look at a few when I saw your post. I still like them - thanks for reminding me they were there!

Sarita Leone said...

Fun way to begin the week. *G*

Jana DeLeon said...

jenyfer - email me something!!!! :)

hi sarita! Only fun if you're not the one dieting, right? lol

terrio said...

That sounds so familiar. I'm trying so hard, but I have NO will power. Never have. And I've been fighting the weight battle since age 11.

So far today I've had my bagel and coffee for breakfast, my WW Ziti meal (6 pts!) and sugar free jello for lunch. Drinking lots of water which I do all the time. The real test will be getting past 3pm without giving into the candy bar calling my name from down the hall.

Really, I can hear it? It's very seductive...

Kathy Bacus said...

I'm one of the people shivering. We have a FREAKING FREEZE WARNING for tonight and tomorrow morning and are likely to get down into the twenties. Ridiculous.

Like you, Jana, I basically never had to watch my weight all that much in my younger days. I ran, played tennis, worked out, etc.

Fast forward to a triplet pregnancy where the last time I was stupid enough to get on a scale, the needle pointed to the 200 pound mark--and to a deep depression.

Fortunately for me, once I was home with three preemies and a two year old, there was no time to boo hoo and I lost the pounds in record time.

I was also aided by a weekly golf outing with gal pals that not only had me hoofing it through 18 holes of golf, but gave me a chance to blow off steam. (I hit some of my longest tee shots during these times!)

I just realized I haven't played golf for quite a while. Think I'll have to drag the clubs out and 'take a whack at it' this summer. With the gas prices, I sure as heck can't afford to go on vacation!

~Bullet Hole~

Christie Craig said...

Ugg.

Diet.


I hate that word. Hmm....Some of those rice cakes aren't so bad now. Have you tried peanut butter with chocolate chips.

Okay, I know they aren't cookies, but it's mind over matter.

CC

Tori Lennox said...

I think I'm incapable of writing short. Even when I try it always becomes way too involved and long. Unless I leave out any and all description. I could probably write short if I did nothing but dialogue..... ;)

Jana DeLeon said...

LOl Terrio - the 3:00 pm call is the worst! Almost as bad as the 10:00 pm call, just as you're about to get into bed.

Jana DeLeon said...

kathy - at least you had triplets as an excuse. I only have the sheltie and I'm thinking that probably doesn't count. :)

You should definitly pull out the clubs - well, after you thaw.

Jana DeLeon said...

LOL Christie - I have tried some and they're not bad, but remember, I wrote this almost 18 years ago and god knows diet food has come a long was since then.

Of course, we both know that "diet" is a 4-letter word.

Jana DeLeon said...

tori - then give me some dialogue woman! Heck, mine was a diary.

terrio said...

Happy to report the sugar free jello together with the sugar free cookies have ensured a chocolate free day...so far.

Yes, 10pm will be the real test. LOL! Now I'm going to go stab myself in the eye as I remember I hit 200 pounds while pregnant except I only had ONE.

Keri Ford said...

Animal crackers in the big bag (not the circus ones in the box, don't know about those) are GREAT little sweet snacks. Can't remember exactly, but you can have something like 14 cookies and it's around 100 calories and something like 2-4 grams of fat. Prezzles are also low fat.

I've found my wal-mart stocks sub size bread in the bread section. less calories in a whole sub than two peices of light bread. I can eat a HUGE sandwich with that's under 400 calories for lunch.

Have you figured out how I lost my baby weight yet? :O)

OH! also, instant cream of wheat for breakfast. filling, 100calories, no fat. I add a sweet-n-low package to mine for flavor

The Quaker man makes something, can't recall the name but it's something like Snack Delights..about 70 calories/3.5grms.fat per package (and there's a WHOLE bunch in there). I recommend the chocolate drizzle (yes, chocolate!) and cinammon struessal.

If you save up, those FDA approved ALLIE fat blocker pills are a godsend. I FINALLY, after months of trying, broke down and picked up a bottle when they worked for my mom. I dropped 10 pounds in about 6 or so weeks by watching what I ate (in other words, no excersicing for 20minutes everyday)

Now short story...hmmm, does a crappyily written synopsis count? :O)

Gemma Halliday said...

Kathy, that's it, get on a plane and come visit me. We're having record highs. I spent all Sunday in a bikini.

~Gemma

Kathy Bacus said...

A trip to the coast sounds good to me, Gemma. Is there a golf course nearby????

~Kathy who is a few abs short of a six pack and so not ready for a bikini~

Jenyfer Matthews said...

You've got mail :)

Jana DeLeon said...

Yeah, Terrio!!!! Hopefully, you made an entire day chocolate free. LOL on the eye-stabbing. I'm not EVEN sharing my weight - with NO kids.

Jana DeLeon said...

LOL Keri - well, since most of my synopsis are crappy, i certainly think it counts. :) Writing a synopsis is just not my strong point, but I'm improving.

All great suggestions for low-fat food. I usually keep pretzels and either animal cracker or those new 100 calorie packs at work to munch on. And the new Special K protein water mix tastes GREAT and can get some more protein in your diet so you're not eating meat all day.

Jana DeLeon said...

Gemma - No one is going to come visit you if you can still wear a bikini - lol. Talk about an inferiority complex. If you were at least not good-looking, or maybe a little stupid it would help, but nooooooooo you're the whole package.

Nope, not about to head to CA and wear a bathing suit next to Gemma. :) Don't need that kind of ego blow.

Jana DeLeon said...

kathy - a gold course in CA???? Surely you jest. :)

Jana DeLeon said...

Jenyfer - I am going to check now. Thanks for playing!!!!!