I am so excited to have one of my good friends AND favorite authors, Shelli Stevens come chat with us today. Not only is she too cool for school, her new book Tempting Adam comes out from Samhain Publishing on Tuesday. If you like her post, you’ll LOVE her books. Trust me, she’s fab. So, take it away, Shelli… 
I love romance novels, don’t get me wrong. I do. I read them. I write them. I use them as a coaster for my iced Americano. They’re just fabulous all around and I’ll never abandon them.
But over the past few years, I’ve begun to wonder about one tiny little possibility. By reading them, have I set the bar a little too high for finding my own Mr. Right? Umm, gonna have to say a big fat HECK YEAH on that one.
Way back when I would get asked out by a perfectly acceptable guy, only to turn him down because I was waiting to become the Greek tycoon's virgin mistress. And then after awhile the virgin part became like a virgin, to let’s not even pretend. Not to mention there wasn’t a Greek tycoon in sight.
So I flung myself into the dating scene. I rarely got the weak knees, men didn’t usually give hard punishing kisses that I read about, and they sure as heck didn’t call when they said they would. So I’d move onto the next guy. If he didn’t look and act like the hero in a romance novel, I wanted no part of it, er, nothing long term. He became Mr. Right now.
When I wound up pregnant with one man who’d swindled my heart a bit, I just knew how it would end, because this premise was all too popular in the books I read! I could either:
A. Run away because I was too afraid to tell him, have our love child and raise him/her alone, and wait for my lover to find me years later to declare his love.
B. Tell him I was pregnant and he’d declare it was the best thing ever and of course we’d get married and live happily ever after.
I figured B was less dramatic. Well five years and another single mom later, I’ve learned my lesson and expanded my reading selections. Now, yes, I am making light of this a bit because really, I’m not that naïve, but I do think the constant romance novel reading shaped the way I looked at love and relationships. It still does to be honest.
And now I’m thinking about dating again. I’m into my early thirties and so blatantly single, that even my single friends don’t know what to do with me. I haven’t been on a date since before Britney Spears’ uterus became the new hang out and I’m determined to change that. And I take complete inspiration from Gemma. I see her posts on dating Pirates and speed dating, and I think she’s just too cool.
This time in the dating round, though, I’m going to be a little more realistic (hmm, you think?), because if there are men out there who could be the hero in a romance novel, they’re already married. Or in the witness protection program or something, but I can’t find them!
So indulge me now, if you would. If you’ve found the love of your life, what made you fall for him? Were you looking for that romance novel hero? That romance novel love?
And if you’re single, where do you go to meet men!? I’m going to need some help here.
~ Shelli Stevens
www.shellistevens.com
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Author Shelli Stevens
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24 comments:
Yay, Shelli! On the prowl for a man again!
I know I post a lot about the more...ahem... interesting fellows I've met. But I have met some very cool people, too, and it's been fun. You MUST come share with us your dating exploits. Hay, even a bad date is good for a few laughs with your girlfriends.
~Gemma
Gemma, you are so sweet! I love ya, babe! And your books. I almost went stalker girl in my post after I mentioned you, but thought it might get a little weird... heh. I'll just do it in the comments.
OMG! I LOVE Gemma's books!!!
Heh, I did everything I could think of to discourage my bf. I turned him down when he asked me out. I went on our first date absolutely convinced that I was never gonna see him again.
And then he kissed me and I literally thought, Holy crap, I just met the guy I'm gonna marry. It's been six years and I still haven't been able to get rid of him. :)
But I totally hear you on this... I could have written this exact post 7 years ago (well, except for the beautiful daughter). In fact, I almost stopped reading romance because I was afraid it was keeping me from finding love.
I found I had to honestly give up. I "gave up" a hundred times, but deep down, I hadn't really. A week after I finally said, F*** it, I don't care any more, I met the bf.
Life's evil that way. *grin*
Laurie!
Everyone always say they found their guy when they weren't looking. Or had given up. But I swear I was in the give up stage for about 2-3 years and am just starting to come out of it. I think. LOL. See I say I want to date, but when it comes down to it...
Again, why I admire Gemma. She just goes out and does it. So impressive. And I LOVE HER BOOKS!!
LOL Shelli you squealing fan girl you. ;)
It's so hard out there. That pic you put up pretty much says it all. I met my husband at work. When you're working at a place that is 80% men and 20% women, your odds are better. LOL
I met my hubby at a Labor Day party my cousin was hosting. Luckily she was in college, I was a senior in high school and most of her friends were men. My husband was really shy and quiet, I'm more outspoken. His silence intrigued me. He was very observant and when he spoke, he was smart and had something to add to the conversation (instead of hot air.)
He and my cousin were in class together at one of the best tech schools in the country, which is a major turn on since I'm attracted to smarts. It helps that he's tall and handsome. Blue eyes and sandy blond hair.
I was looking for the Greek Tycoon. The Alpha male.
What I found was 10,000 times better. DH may not have a yacht... yet... but he's sensitive and corny and sweet and smart. He can make me laugh like no one else on earth. And he's never doubted me or my chosen career. He's completely supportive and I'd pretty much stake my life on the fact that he'd never say anything like "that makes your butt look big."
He always puts the toilet seat down and I really could care less that he doesn't buy me jewelry. In fact I'd prefer he didn't. :)
He's easy going and laid back, which compliments me perfectly. I've learned to chill. He's such a hard worker, it makes me want to work harder. Which can be a vicious cycle since we work together.
My advice is to find someone who doesn't get on your nerves. Someone who's laid back and compliments your personality. Someone with an open mind who will grow with you. Someone who's friendly without having too many friends to get in the way. I also think that men who are animal lovers make better husbands. They just seem more tender and less selfish to me.
The other thing to remember is just b/c a guy doesn't look like a Greek God doesn't mean you can't start jogging together to tone your bodies and you can always get him a new suit to make him look more GQ.
Ultimately, I remember that I'm so damn lucky to have my husband. He wasn't at all what I was looking for. I was positive I was going to marry a Rebecca Winter's hero. But I'm so glad I found him. So blessed. All women should be so lucky, but no, I will not clone him. Seriously, people have asked that before. LOL
I should mention that tech schools like the one my DH went to are about 80% male. Great odds. ;)
Karen, you're so right. I'm going to get a job at like a hardware store or something. Or sign up for a mechanics class. *Grin*
Hi Ally! You sound like you found your true hero! That's sweet :) Yeah actually in real life, some of the alpha's freak me out a bit. I'm almost more drawn to the quiet ones. They tend to have more of a mystery about them. A challenge.
Hey Shelli!
Growing up I was looking for a Disney hero - a knight in shining armor to ride in and sweep me off my feet. Now I realize that I would not have been happy with an Alpha male, and I prefer romance novels with the oh-so-much-more-pleasant Beta hero. Thank God for unanswered prayers!
I met my hubby in college during the darkest part of my life. We were having a date party and a new friend of mine brought him as her date. I found out he was from Wyoming and told him I had been backpacking there, he found out I liked backpacking and got drunk and told his date he was going to marry me. (She wasn't too happy about that.) He made me laugh and was so patient and such a sweetheart and he was really great with babies, so I fell in love. He worked in the coal mine that summer and I had visions of us getting married young and having babies young and living in a small coal mining town in Colorado - the simple life. As it turned out he had slightly more adventurous career plans. We got married young and the last 4 years have been the happiest of my life. Maybe someday I'll write a romance novel about it. ;) I'm very, very, very lucky to have found my Prince Charming!
Ah Ciara that's both hilarious and incredibly sweet! He sounds wonderful! I love the idea of a date party...though I'm sure it's different than what I'm imagining? LOL.
Still single and starting to think I'll stay that way. I wasn't a huge romance novel fan when I was younger...still not so much unless there's a huge slice of mystery or suspense to go with it. I think we all develop the ideal mate growing up. It's hard to put that aside, even as an adult when we know that knights do not ride up on white horses to whisp us away to that castle in the sky.
So, for those of us on earth...I think I like the idea of meeting a guy via friends. At least it's like he comes with refrences, so maybe he's sane. But if that doesn't work...an art show because at least I'd know we have one thing in common. Maybe you can meet somebody doing something you love to do.
Good luck working the dating scene. And remember, being realistic doesn't mean you have to settle for crap either.
Yes! I love the idea of meeting a guy through friends. The references part. But then if things go to pot, the friendship can get pissy. LOL. Though hopefully not! :)
And yes, never settle for crap. I'd rather be single.
Shelli, I met my husband because I actually went out and looked. He answered my ad. It took talking with a staggering number of men to meet him, but I knew him the moment he smiled at me.
I still believe it's best to go where the guys are, especially guys who share your interests. If I hadn't met Eric, I'd be hanging out at hockey team booster events and bookstores.
I know you'll find him, because he's looking for you.
Julie
Ah, Julie, that's so sweet. *Sniffle* What a nice response. Thank you. An ad... I think the days of ads have changed so much. Now you can scroll through pictures and hobbies and thousands of questions...gag.
Shelli,
Good luck girl!
Dating is scary. But I think it's a risk worth taking.
Now, I've found the man I think is my Mr. Right, going on 23 years with the man so I'm pretty sure he's a keeper, no he's not perfect, you can read my blogs here about his slight faults, but he's perfect for me.
Good luck, girl!
Crime Scene Christie
Hi Christie! Wow, 23 years is fabulous! Congrats big time :)
LOL Shelli! And I'm glad to see you're ready to date again! When you find out where the good ones are, lemme know.
As a writer, I highly recommend speed dating. Don't think you'll meet the love of your life, but look at it as a chance to gather material.
I went speed-dating in Boston a week before I moved. My favorite was this muscled Italian guy who reeked of cologne. He came to the event in one of those sleeveless undershirts and, after finding out that I was a teacher, thought I'd be impressed with the fact that seventh grade girls had a crush on him.
Oh, I can't wait to put him in a book someday!
Eeew Kate that's disturbing!!! LOL. But that speed dating sounds intriguing!
Isabella! Hi, missed ya there! Good ones? There's a lot of us looking. *sigh* I have no clue where they're hiding :)
Shelli - you are so cool - love ya' girl. And not just 'cause you love my books. ;)
If you need a hand to hold in the dating jungle, I'm there for you. I was in 'give up' mode for about...um... 4 years? Wow, way too long. I was totally focusing on my career, then one day realized how long it had been since I'd been out on a real datey type date. I think realizing how much time had passed my by so quickly contributed to my current quest for Mr. Right I haven't found him yet. But I have found a few interesting Mr. Right-Nows.
~Gemma
Shelli,
I'm right there with you. I figure I'm still young, so I've got time. *crosses fingers* I also have a lot of guy friends - but that doesn't help me *AT ALL.* A while ago I was hanging out with some guy friends, and one told me he thought of me as sexless. [This was either right before or after I told him I thought of him as a woman...] - but we both decided what he said to me was worse.
Every time I give a guy a chance, he turns out to be an ass. No, seriously. Like someone you'd call the cops on and file a lawsuit against. This has made me go on a guy hiatus, which has held for 8 months, so we'll see.
I also tend to attract creepers, and 50+ year old men who stand 4' behind me, staring, for 4 hours at a bar. Haha, so I think I'm safer staying in and hiding.
Good luck with your "man hunt!"
Gemma, that's about where I am. Four years...my kid's 4 1/2! LOL.
You have some fabulous Mr. Right Nows it sounds like. You're so inspiring!
Jennifer, eek on the men staring for hours. And sexless?! ACK! But you do realize 'friends to lovers' is a huge romance plot. So maybe he'll wake up one day and realize you've got girly bits...and...no? All right. Good luck with your quest, too!
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