Betty Crocker's Laser Light Cakestravaganza

Before I get started, note the photo above. It's Sin (the ravishing brunette on my right) and Hellion (the fiery redhead on my left)! We were all at the Spring Fling conference in Chicago last weekend and shared many cocktails, laughs and one author-related cootie catcher. Hey Girls!

So, here’s my week:

Tuesday – Talent Show Rehearsal – requires lugging two amps, two guitars and a tambourine up to school and sitting through hours of elementary-quality “talent” and two seriously creepy showbiz moms (who can't understand why we aren't providing a smoke machine and lazer light show for their kids). Later that evening was the Boy Scout Cake Auction – required baking and decorating a cake that would (hopefully) look like a crystal ball and then bidding on it and leaving paying 200% more than it cost to make. Eat expensive-but-for-a-good-cause cake and collapse. (Above is the only photo in existence of me, wearing an apron. Get an eyeful cuz you'll never see one again in my lifetime.)

Wednesday – Girl Scout meeting – which requires sewing newest merit badges (3) and newest fun patches (4) on uniform, organizing meeting (always act like you know what you are doing – even…no, especially if you don’t) and then actually running said meeting. Pick up spouse at airport, eat cake with vodka chaser and collapse.

Thursday – Margaret’s 10th birthday, which means I have to have 3 dozen treats for her to take to school, drop off spouse at airport, clean the house for the family to come over, have all presents purchased and actually wrapped, celebrate, eat cake with ice cream chaser and collapse.

Friday – At 4pm, my friend Beth and I are driving our daughters, two sons and six other screaming, squirming girls to the Amanas (an hour away) for an evening at the indoor waterpark where the motif is based on Amish butterchurning (seriously). This serves as Margaret and Hannah’s party for friends since they are one day apart and would just invite the same girls anyway. I won’t even go into detail since it’s too exhausting to even think about. At some point though, I will eat cake and collapse.

Saturday – Once we get home from the aforementioned birthday party about noon, I’ll be scrambling to get ready. I’m emceeing Wince (look up Cringe) Readings at Venus Envy - an arts festival celebrating women visual, musical and literary artists. This will basically be an hour or two of women reading embarrassing love notes, prose, poetry or diary entries from their teenage years. Which means I have to find something to read since I’m starting it. The whole event takes place in the Bucktown Artscenter and apparently the Wince thingy is sharing a room with two women doing performance art in the nude. And they are both thin. There’s nothing in my closet to compete with that. After 11pm, I’ll have several martinis with a cake chaser and collapse.

Sunday – Feel extreme regret for all that cake binging…eat cake and collapse.

So. What are you guys up to?

The Assassin Who Really Wishes She Was Right Now