My Dove Wrappers Are Inappropriate, Part Deux...

It's that time again! My Dove wrappers have been talking to me, and saying the strangest things. So, I thought I'd share these with you:

• "It's OK to be fabulous AND flawed!" So - this justifies the fact that I'm a goddess who turns into stark raving lunatic once a month at that time of the month? Awesome! Mr. Assassin is sooooo screwed!


• "Take advantage of every free moment you have!" Ok, that's just mean. With Mr. Assassin off at terrorist school, I'm a single mom of two with a day job, books to write, and a cat litter box that won't clean itself (DAMMIT!). And if I had a free moment, the instant I tried to take advantage of it, it would be over! Why? Cuz it's only a MOMENT!


• "Indulge your sense of amusement." Would this little scrap of foil be admissable in court? Because what I consider indulging my sense of amusement might be illegal in most states. I'm not sure that luring a certain co-worker (blindfolded, naturalmente!) into a busy intersection would go over big.


• "Chocolate won't let you down." Oh yeah? Maybe not my taste buds (which seem to have an unnatural addiction for the stuff), but chocolate certainly has let down my thighs...my mid-section...and my ability to produce insulin.


• "Don't settle for a spark...light a fire instead!" I'm sorry, Your Honor. My Dove Dark Chocolate foil wrapper told me to burn down Paris Hilton's house. It really wasn't my fault."


• "Sing out loud! Who cares what you sound like?" I've seen enough opening seasons of American Idol to respond, "DON'T. Please don't. I have been known to indulge my sense of amusement and I do have matches."


• "Unrap, Breathe, Enjoy." Un Unh. I fell for this once, Mr. Assassin! I won't fall for it again.


• "Your smile is your best accessory." Don't let THAT get out. I've been telling Mr. A for years that my PRADA handbag (which, by the way, he DID NOT buy under duress on my 40th birthday) is my best accessory. Maybe he won't read this.


• "You're delicious." Proof that Dove writers are zombies or cannibals. Or both.

What do your wrappers tell you?

The Assassin