Wednesday, June 22, 2011

My Dove Wrappers Are Inappropriate, Part Deux...

It's that time again! My Dove wrappers have been talking to me, and saying the strangest things. So, I thought I'd share these with you:

  • "It's OK to be fabulous AND flawed!" So - this justifies the fact that I'm a goddess who turns into stark raving lunatic once a month at that time of the month? Awesome! Mr. Assassin is sooooo screwed!

  • "Take advantage of every free moment you have!" Ok, that's just mean. With Mr. Assassin off at terrorist school, I'm a single mom of two with a day job, books to write, and a cat litter box that won't clean itself (DAMMIT!). And if I had a free moment, the instant I tried to take advantage of it, it would be over! Why? Cuz it's only a MOMENT!

  • "Indulge your sense of amusement." Would this little scrap of foil be admissable in court? Because what I consider indulging my sense of amusement might be illegal in most states. I'm not sure that luring a certain co-worker (blindfolded, naturalmente!) into a busy intersection would go over big.

  • "Chocolate won't let you down." Oh yeah? Maybe not my taste buds (which seem to have an unnatural addiction for the stuff), but chocolate certainly has let down my mid-section...and my ability to produce insulin.

  • "Don't settle for a spark...light a fire instead!" I'm sorry, Your Honor. My Dove Dark Chocolate foil wrapper told me to burn down Paris Hilton's house. It really wasn't my fault."

  • "Sing out loud! Who cares what you sound like?" I've seen enough opening seasons of American Idol to respond, "DON'T. Please don't. I have been known to indulge my sense of amusement and I do have matches."

  • "Unrap, Breathe, Enjoy." Un Unh. I fell for this once, Mr. Assassin! I won't fall for it again.

  • "Your smile is your best accessory." Don't let THAT get out. I've been telling Mr. A for years that my PRADA handbag (which, by the way, he DID NOT buy under duress on my 40th birthday) is my best accessory. Maybe he won't read this.

  • "You're delicious." Proof that Dove writers are zombies or cannibals. Or both.

What do your wrappers tell you?

The Assassin


Terri Osburn said...

I'm still stuck back at the self-cleaning litter box. I want one of those so bad. And they know it, which is why they're so expensive!

Haven't had a Dove in a while. I must resist. But the PB ones are soooooo goooooooood.

No. I can't.

Hellie Sinclair said...

My best accessory are my Egyptian cotton sheets--but then I end up not getting out of bed and looking lazy instead of indolent (which sounds so much better.)

I don't like my smile. I look like a serial killer when I smile. It's disturbing.

And damnit, I don't have chocolate again today!

Leslie Langtry said...

My mom bought a self-cleaning cat box and it scared the hell out of the cat.

I like indolent!

Brandy said...

Wah! I can't have Dove chocolates.......

Leslie Langtry said...

That ain't right, Brandy!

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