Thursday, January 06, 2011

Publish Or Perish: When Research Gets Kinky

A few months back my neighbor told me about another friend of hers who is a published author.  This friend actually writes nonfiction and is a university professor who teaches human sexuality and has "researched" deviant sexual behavior.  His area of interest is where the line is between playful (and acceptable) kinky fun and actual dangerous sexual psychosis.  So of course he's written a book on the subject.  I don't know the title of the book and even if I did I'm not sure I'd mention it here.  I'm not a prude but what was described to me was enough to make me think this book might be in the WTF category of nonfiction work and I wouldn't want to list the name of an author that I'm about to make fun  of. 

So here's the thing: This guy hasn't just interviewed a bunch of fetish-loving folk, he's taken it upon himself to walk-the-walk.  "He made an appointment with a dominatrix named Mistress Kitty," my neighbor explained.  "She stripped him down, tied him up, spread eagle in a standing position, and then she attached clothespins to his testicles.  He said that made him nervous although apparently it didn't really hurt." 

I'll admit that I didn't know how to respond to this at first although I have found that the image she painted has stayed with me to this day.  "He has had to be really careful about how he writes about all this," my neighbor explained, "because he's sort of in danger of not being taken seriously by his colleagues in the world of academia."

"Really?" I asked trying (and failing) to keep the sarcasm out of my voice, "the other university professors might actually make fun of him just because he let Mistress Kitty put clothespins on his balls? How judgmental."

My neighbor nodded solemnly.  "Those people are really conservative." 

It occurred to me at that point that we were having one of those only-in-LA kind of conversations.  But hey, I was willing to roll with it.  "So," I said thoughtfully, "if all this is being used for research for books  and academic papers then all his visits to fetish clubs and appointments with dominatrixes...those are all tax deductible, right?" 

Again my neighbor nodded, this time with a smile.  "I know. He says he has the best job in the world!"

Personally I think that is a matter of opinion.  Not everybody enjoys having clothespins attached to their private parts.  But obviously if it works for him, more power to him.  As far as I'm concerned, as long as all parties involved are consenting adults then his behavior (and theirs) falls into the category of playful kink and he doesn't really pose any danger to society.  He may be a danger to his own career if he wants to both write about this stuff AND continue to teach at a university or any other establishment that isn't financed by the porn industry but that's not really my problem.

I just thought it was good blog material.

--Kyra "Fashionista Fatale" Davis

64 comments:

Tori Lennox said...

I know I shouldn't but I'm having a hard time refraining from giggling.

carole720 said...

I remember you posting about this on your facebook page. As I recall, the comments were very entertaining.

Robin Kaye said...

And to think Eloisa James was afraid to "come out" and tell her dean she wrote Romance and was a New York Times Best Seller! (she teaches Shakespeare at Fordham)

This guy would have a real problem. Still fun to imagine the conversation with his dean...

DiDi said...

so...I am sitting envisioning a professor with black socks and the men's sock "garters" standing there with clothpins on his testicles....this is quite an amusing vision....baahaahaaaaaa

How would he detail the expense for his accountant?

Anne said...

Thanks for the smile!

Kima said...

I don't get the whole "it didn't really hurt thing," because most of the men I know squeal like little girls when someone even barely abuses the boys. I'm pretty sure clothespins qualify as abuse.

ShellyBlake said...

I was just planning to post a comment for the Kindle...but figured I should read the blog post first. That was too funny - you're right, good blog material!

Tehya said...

Different Strokes for Different Folks comes to mind when reading this, lol. He may want to keep his writing under an alias. Although personally I do not see what a personal personal tendencies has to do with their academic teachings.

Sunnymay said...

This is what they call "crossing the line." It's funny how for "research purposes" some people leave their commonsense at home and wonder why their gut and heart are at odds all the while seeking approval for such a noble cause that never materializes.

sphinx63 said...

Clothespins? Ouch. Enough said.

Pat Cochran said...

It seems to me (I am not of the
learned community) that it would
be extremely difficult to accept,
in a serious manner, anything that
this person espoused. It seems as though he might have enjoyed the
experience a wee bit too much!

Pat Cochran

keizerfire said...

Laugh, omg, I almost spewed my Dr. Pepper on the computer! And don't refrain from giggling, much less laughing right out loud.

And then I find myself considering: plastic clothespins, the kind with the spring, or the ones we made little soldiers out of when we were kids,or horror of horrors, those magnetized kind that are strong enough to hold crap on the frig? Perhaps I'm obsessing.

And the last time I even considered using a clothespin on someone....yes, it occurred to me....it wasn't to inflict pleasure, let me assure you.

No, he should not reveal his secrets, because I doubt there are many that could look him in the face without laughing with that knowledge, heh.

gigi said...

I know one thing, if I was this professor I wouldn't talk about my research to anyone and I would use a fake identity.
Good grief I never imagined that some guy would even want clothes pins attached to his family jewels.
Like Kima said they usually are very tender in that location.

kyradavis said...

@keizefire--I hadn't thought about what kind of clothespins! But you're right, there are a lot of possibilities there. Although I agree with Tehya that a person's personal life usually shouldn't affect what kind of job they get (unless what they're doing is borderline-illegal) I do think that if you advertise your fondness for...um...a particular set of eccentricities you probably have to accept a certain amount of ribbing. My 3rd Sophie book, Obsession, Deceit & Really Dark Chocolate dealt with Furries (people who like to dress up as animals while getting "frisky") and I got an email from a real-life-irate furry who didn't feel that I portrayed the Furry community in a dignified light. I spent the next month trying to figure out how I could have made two people dressing up as animals for sex seem sophisticated. Essentially my point is, if you're going to do things that are THAT far outside the norm you're going to have to have a sense of humor about it : P

kyradavis said...

@keizefire--I hadn't thought about what kind of clothespins! But you're right, there are a lot of possibilities there. Although I agree with Tehya that a person's personal life usually shouldn't affect what kind of job they get (unless what they're doing is borderline-illegal) I do think that if you advertise your fondness for...um...a particular set of eccentricities you probably have to accept a certain amount of ribbing. My 3rd Sophie book, Obsession, Deceit & Really Dark Chocolate dealt with Furries (people who like to dress up as animals while getting "frisky") and I got an email from a real-life-irate furry who didn't feel that I portrayed the Furry community in a dignified light. I spent the next month trying to figure out how I could have made two people dressing up as animals for sex seem sophisticated. Essentially my point is, if you're going to do things that are THAT far outside the norm you're going to have to have a sense of humor about it : P

kyradavis said...

@kima--yeah, it HAD to have hurt. I mean seriously!

hotcha12 said...

CONGRATS CATSLADY! I JUST SOME AND WISH I WON, BEEN TRYING TO READ GEMMA FOR YEARS BUT NOT HAPPENING WITH SCROOGE! LOL

lindarb49@hotmail.com

marybelle said...

I seriously cannot stop laughing. I have to say that is the most foolish thing I have ever heard. I will never look at clothes pegs the same way ever again. SILLY MAN!!!

marypres@gmail.com

intime said...

i like the playfulness of this article intime@myself.com

rrshep said...

It seems like this academic is going a little to far in his research. It's unbelievable that he would tell people about the clothespins.

Didibear said...

Quite entertaining.

Linda C said...

That was too funny! :D

Norma said...

All I can say is WOW! The things men will do for (ahem) science. Nice comments ladies! I too was wondering what type of clothespins were used.

Veronica said...

I really had to laugh myself once reading this. Thanks for the giggles :)

Edward It (but you can call him 'Ed') said...

Which begs for the question: What is she using to hold her laundry up on her clothesline out back?

Edward It
CREDITTHEEDIT.COM

Mo said...

Man, I thought academic research involved would involve a pool of people not just one guy getting his jollies. Yikes.

darlene said...

Oh, my! You gals have one of the most entertaining blogs about writing I've seen.

Christie Craig said...

Oh, my! Too funny.

CC

Berek said...

At least he didn't suffer a heart attack, she didn't subsequently panic and chop him up, drive 100 miles and toss the parts into a dumpster in Augusta, Maine.

wanda f said...

Too funny that was a great post

catslady said...

That's a great excuse for doiong something you probably don't want to admit to - apparently everything can be research for a book lol.

cndlady said...

I'm not really sure what I think. I realize there are a lot of ppl out there not into what I am into..but to mean Pain IS NOT Erotic.

fcffollower sent me to the blog. Bet she didn't know what todays topic was lol

cndlady said...

I'm not really sure what I think. I realize there are a lot of ppl out there not into what I am into..but to mean Pain IS NOT Erotic.

fcffollower sent me to the blog. Bet she didn't know what todays topic was lol

tr said...

love your blog and your sense of humor

nanja said...

What a trooper! That's about all I can say!!

Kristi said...

Wow, I'll never complain about my job again!

Elf2060 said...

Well, my guess is that Kinsey probably had plenty of problems getting acceptance when he first started trying to publish his research but who knows if this guy is just looking for people who share his proclivities.

Carolyn said...

They're all wicked!

dbaxdevilsfan said...

OMG, WHAAAATTT??? That's crazy. Sounds more like an excuse to have kinky sexual relations without having to admit that that's his cup of tea.

dstoutholcomb said...

why would the professor neighbor confess this to another neighbor?

still laughing

dianecscott said...

A PART OF ME IS CURIOUS ABOUT READING HIS MATERIAL BUT THE OTHER JUST DOESN'T WANT TO KNOW. I THINK THIS WOULD BE A GOOD PLOT FOR A BOOK, ONLY NOT SO DETAILED... THE BALLS AND THE CLOTHPINS ARE FINE, THAT'S ACTUALLY REALLY FUNNY. THAT ONLY MENT HIS BLOOD WAS RUSHING AND HE WAS ACTUALLY ENJOYING IT, THATS WHY HE FELT NO PAIN LOL KINDA FUNNY WHEN YOU THINK OF IT THAT WAY. BUT LIKE SOMEONE ALREADY SAID IN THE COMMENTS, DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS. DON'T HATE LOL

Laurie Faelan said...

I can only see potential embarrassment looming for that professor and his college! Just think if he got caught with his pants down and the clothespins on - Yikes!

laurieire at hotmail dot com

Denise G said...

What an imagination lol...

Misha said...

You're right. It's awesome blogging material. I was laughing all the way through it.

:-)

Tanya said...

WOW and I thought my college professor walking around class acting like a pigeon to show us postitive reinforcement was funny. He squawked, flapped his arms and bobbed his head.

Sara said...

OMG, this is too funny! :D I cannot understand how he could possibly expect to be taken seriously after detailing such "adventures".

VickeC said...

funny,cant think of anything else to say.LOL\vlbelk@hotmail.com

Annie H. said...

Very funny. The clothespins just made me giggle. Thanks for the laugh today.

Barbara Phinney said...

Research is important... but whoa!

yepimcute said...

How can his students have any respect for him. If I were one and knew what he was up to, I dont think I could sit through a class and actually think of anything besides clothespins and testicals. This is something creepy guys do and never talk about...

Erica said...

Wow. I can't believe he conned some poor school into paying for that! What a hoot though!

kansassweet43 said...

I think the guy might be using the writing thing as an excuse to act out this fantasy about BDSM. I know alot of authors do research for their books but seriously! who does he think he is kidding. LOL
Thanks I needed a good laugh. :)

saracat said...

Guess I'm old fashioned. I think I actually blushed and hoped a co-worker wasn't reading over my shoulder.

Kathy said...

Seriously! Our tax dollars at work and these are the people teaching our kids! Funny in a sad way!

Sherry said...

yikes! Sounds like a man's excuse --- I'm doing it for research. Yes. research.
Eeeooowww!

amaebi said...

Speaking as a veteran of academe-- he'd probably have less trouble from that than from researching and publishing on something ghettoed as womany....

spynaert said...

Same here LOL!

Estella said...

I laughed out loud at this.

Clothespins on his balls didn't hurt?

Countrysunrise said...

If this author claims he has the best job in the world, then apparantly he's getting something out of it, or the dominatrix was using those clothespins they use for lingerie that have the hangers on the tops, since she knew he was a beginner!! lol Then again, you know how men talk to make themselves sound better. They're actually big babies!! lol

carocress said...

I think he has a career that enables him to experience his own sexual preferences. To each his own, I guess.

maria said...

Very funny!

billiondollarprincesss@hotmail.com

susanann said...

It's a hoot.

nedma1 said...

Things that make you go Hmmm

robynl said...

oh my goodness I never..!

I wouldn't want the other workers knowing about this part of my life for sure.

Too funny.