Thursday, July 10, 2008

I'm gonna need a bigger boat!

Okay. I'm late. Tardy. Running behind. Overdue. Forgetful. Hey. Wait a minute. How'd that get in there? But I pinky swear that once you've heard the story behind my laxness at posting today, all will be forgiven and by the end of this post you'll be in awe at my ability to sit at a computer and type a coherent sentence. All right. Semi-coherent.

You see Monday I accepted a job offer with the State. The job is pretty much designed for me. Writer friendly hours. Cool uniform so no stressing about what to wear, what to wear. Doing very classified stuff. As in, if I told you, I'd have to off you.

And it was time to celebrate!

But I had night class Monday night so no chance to Snoopy Dance.
So my daughter and I are driving back from class at 11 P.M. (she's taking a psych class) and we drive right into the middle of one of the worst thunderstorms I'd witnessed and for sure the worst my daughter had ever seen judging from her screams. The lightning was almost non stop and lit up the sky for incredible periods of time. In some respects, I was thankful because the lightning provided the only means of seeing the highway through the torrential downpour. We arrived home safe and sound, but a little freaked out.

And still it rained.

And it rained.

And it rained.

And it rained.

Now you all have heard about the flooding in my neck of the woods. Right? Billions of dollars worth of damage in one of our biggest cities. Well, in the past I've had some not-nice experiences with basement flooding so I kept an anxious vigil over the basement--until about 3 A.M. when I conked.

At 6 the next morning, you could do a backstroke in my basement. Yeah. Okay. Maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, but if you'd had my history with two parts of Hydrogen and one part Oxygen you'd classify 4 inches of water all through the basement as being an Olympic sized swimming pool, too.

Now, I'd had big plans for Tuesday. I was going to celebrate the new job with a nice meal out. Take my kid to see this real cool car we'd seen the day before. Go to the cemetery and collect dead people data for my night class. Finish up a Power Point for another. And write.

Instead, I spent a good portion of the day sucking water out of the basement. You're asking why the heck doesn't she get a sump pump, right? Uh. 'cuz the water ain't groundwater, folks. It's from--the other place. That's right. The sewer.

I suppose I should count myself lucky that it was the water coming into the sewer (i.e. unflushed) pouring into my basement as opposed to the water going out and, therefore, relatively clean.

But I wasn't feelin' lucky.

While the pump was doing its thing I called the car salesman about the car. You know. The car that was being sold to someone else while I was sticking a garden hose through my basement window screen and pointing it down the driveway. That car.

I spent the rest of the day pumping and wet-dry vacuuming until I remembered I didn't have the tombstone data for my lab which was due the next day. I needed at least 200 samplings for my lab. So, my son and I take our clipboards and data sheets to the graveyard that evening and started jotting down birth and death info. It was a good thing nobody else came to the cemetery while I was there. I'm sure as scary as I looked they would have thought it was a remake of the Living Dead.

'I'm coming for you, Barbara.'

Bone dead--uh, let's change that to 'weary', I showered and dropped into bed too tired to do anything with my data of the dead. Wednesday morning rolls around. I have an appointment with a plumber and hours of lab stuff to do before 5.

And a return visit to the wildlife refuge to look forward to.

The same refuge I'd visited three weeks earlier with some unpleasant parting gifts. When I say I had chiggers up the whazoo, folks, I mean it. Too much info? Sorry.

But this week? This week I was determine to best the fiendish parasites. I showered off any trace of my vanilla butter creme body splash, doused myself from head to toe with Deet, and stuck great big rubber bands on the bottom of each pants leg to keep unwanted pests out.
You shoulda heard the snickers when my fellow students got a look at me. But was I ever glad I had taken precautions. I was up to my armpit in prairie plants. You name it. I fought my way through it. I knew just how those early pioneers felt hacking their way through the thick vegetation on their trek across the Great Plains.

But Marquette and Joliet I ain't.

I dragged my rear home and showered again and hit the sheets.

Fast forward to today. I have a hair appointment at 8. A trip to the car dealership at 9:30. I need to mow the lawn before the city Waste Water guys show up right after lunch to show me where my sewer line runs. (I'm a lucky, lucky woman.) I have car insurance to change--my son found a car he liked--plus another trip to the cell phone store to get a new cell phone, mine having gained entry into this country via the Mayflower.

And I haven't bought new underwear for the new job yet! Which is like required for the first day of anything. Right?

So, there you have it. All the reasons why I totally spaced off my blog day until now.

Am I forgiven?

Is there anything crazy going on in your life right now? Any trials and tribulations you'd like to share? Drought? Wild fire? Bed bugs? Any crisis not averted?

Please. Share.

I could use a little cheering up.

~Bullet Hole who has no idea why the spacing is all screwed up here and is too tired to give a rip~


Terri Osburn said...

I'd say your forgiven. You might even deserve a prize for getting this done at all. Bummer about the water issues. And the car issues. And the cell phone issues. Heck, about all the issues.

I'm just a little nuts because I have a workshop to conduct at my lcoal RWA chapter meeting this Saturday and I'm no where near ready. Plus, I have two full MS to read for a couple friends, and my house looks like a cyclone blew through it. Add the National conference flying up way too fast and I'm just a little panicked.

But much better off than you are. Thanks for making me feel better. And again, sorry about all the....issues.

Gemma Halliday said...

I'm exhausted just reading that! You get a pass, girl.

I'm giving a talk to a library group tonight which has my stomach all twisted in knots. Public speaking is fine in groups or on panels. But when it's me all by my lonesome, I freak a little. Wish me luck!

(Crossing my fingers there's no more rain in your future, Kathy!)


Kathy Bacus said...

Thanks, Terrio.

It sounds as if you have quite a bit on your plate, as well. How cool that you're reading full mss for your friends. It's time consuming when you give a fairly intensive critique.

And I know you'll do a terrific job with your workshop. What's it on?

~Bullet Hole~

Kathy Bacus said...

The forecast doesn't look good for tomorrow, Gemma. We'll have high temps and high humidity (combining to make a heat index of over 100)and then a cold front comes through tomorrow night firing severe storms again.

First Mother Nature totally ruins snow for me. Now I can't stand the sound of rain hitting the house.

By the way, I think I failed to mention my roof started leaking in two places.

Oh, brudder. It can only get better from here.

Right? I said, RIGHT?


~Bullet Hole~

Terri Osburn said...

The workshop is Digging Deep with your Characters. It's based on workshops I've taken from others and some stuff I've figured out along the way. And I'm including a portion on using the zodiac. I know some people don't believe any of that stuff, but so many of the characteristics fit people perfectly. If you look up Capricorn, it's just like meeting me. LOL!

Gemma - You'll be great at the library! I'm one of those weird extrovert people and often I'd rather talk to a room full of people than meet one new person. If all else fails, go with the old standby.

Picture them nekkid. LOL!

Jana DeLeon said...

Jeez, Kathy! What a mess. I hope you get it all worked out soon!

Kathy Bacus said...

I agree with Terrio, Gemma. You'll be a big hit at the library! And since you're an actress (er, former actress) if you're nervous you can just act like you're not.

Now that panel at National--that's a horse of a different color. Had I been able to attend and be on the workshop panel, I'd already be hyperventilating.

You'll do mahvelous, dahling!

~Bullet Hole~

Kathy Bacus said...

I love workshops on character, Terrio. I never fail to bring something away with me to apply to my character work.

I'm an Aries. My triplets are all Capricorns (naturally) but they are nothing alike.

Thanks for the good wishes, Jana. I figure eventually things will level out. And boy, I can't wait 'til I hit that beautiful plateau!

~Bullet Hole~

Christie Craig said...

Oh Kathy,

You had me with the chiggers. Those suckers are terrible. And Girl those chiggers get in the whazoo, under the whazoo, and between the whazoos.

Girl, here's hoping anything resembling a crisis go away, and the job, with new undies or not, is terrific.

I'm wondering just how interesting this job is . . . I'm wondering if it would be worth being offed if I dare ask more details. Okay, I won’t ask.

Take care.

Crime Scene Christie

Kathy Bacus said...

Let me tell you, Christie, I tried EVERY remedy I'd heard of (and a couple of new, exotic ones)to take the itch out of those chiggers and I was not about to start a new job scratching myself in awkward places.

~Bullet Hole~

Christie Craig said...


Finger nail polish. They say it smothers them. But be careful placing in the whazoo areas. If hair is involved, it can be very uncomfortable. ;-)

Crime Scene Christie

Jenyfer Matthews said...

I'm leaving tomorrow morning for my vacation - beginning with a transatlantic flight from Cairo and then it's 37 days of non-stop family fun!!

Does that count??

You totally get a pass from me!

Anonymous said...

Good Lord. You poor thing! Big hugs!!!

catslady said...

My daughter is getting married in two weeks!!! I still have to have my dress fitted and today we had a makeup lady spend 6 hours with my two daughters and me fixing our faces. I thought it would be a simple thing. We spent more on makeup then her dress!!!!

Kathy Bacus said...

That counts, Jenyfer! Hope you have a fantastic vacation with the family!

Thanks for the, er, tip, Christie. I'll remember that next time.

~Bullet Hole Bacus~

Kathy Bacus said...

Thanks, Tori!

And your daughter's upcoming wedding certainly qualifies as 'crazy times' to me. Best of luck meeting your deadline to the big date!

~Bullet Hole~